“I get up at ten in the morning. I expect you to be done with all of your personal… stuff, and have my breakfast up to me by then so you can begin working on my hair.”

“Yes, Miss Cavanaugh.”

“Any questions?”

“No.”

“Good. Let’s go upstairs. I’m famished and my feet need to be rubbed. After that you can drive me into Salt Lake. I need some retail therapy.”

Adam drove the Lykan. Usually I rode in the back of a limousine, but I’d wanted to see how he handled the car. Our outing wasn’t a date. He was my driver.

He knew how to drive and maneuvered the Lykan through traffic expertly. More than once I caught him watching me out of the corner of his eye. I pretended not to notice.

When we arrived at City Creek Center, I had him drop me off at the entrance. “Park the car and make sure nothing happens to it. Then text me. I’ll let you know when I need your help carrying my bags.”

He quickly jumped out of the car and ran around to open my door. “Very good, Miss Cavanaugh.”

I didn’t turn around or respond, but heard him pull away from the curb. .

As soon as I stepped inside the air-conditioned mall the aroma of cinnamon and roasted almonds filled my nose. Usually I picked up a bag. They were my favorite treat. But above the roasted cinnamon smell was that of grilled steak. And something else. It was a new smell. As I walked by people I realized the smell changed slightly with each person and that somehow I was smelling their individual scents. It was weird and it made my head hurt.

I stopped in Victoria’s Secret to purchase some underthings. The scent subsided slightly because of the strong smell of the store’s perfumes. It wasn’t long though before I could still pick up the scent of the people again. Some actually did smell fresh while others smelled of more fat, and there were those who smelled lean and meaty, and delicious. My mouth watered and I started to freak out.

What was freaking happening to me?

I purchased a couple of different matching bras and underwear and quickly left the store. My head had started to buzz and I wondered if maybe I should see a doctor.

I took my phone from my bag and texted Adam.

On the second floor near Victoria’s Secret. Please come. I realized after I’d sent the text that I’d used the word please. What the hell? But I couldn’t take it back. I moved over, out of the way of those passing by and tried to hold my breath so I wouldn’t smell anything—anyone. The escalator was nearby. I leaned against the balcony, checking out the people below. City Creek was busy. People bustled along doing their shopping.

I’d seen the movie Madagascar when I was little and there’d been a scene where the lion saw all the other animals as steak. I was having a similar moment. The people kept changing into different cuts of meat according to their scent. What was worse, the freaking buzzing inside my brain began to intensify. It grew louder and louder. I wanted to scream in pain, but a Cavanaugh didn’t make a spectacle of herself. So I held on, wishing Adam would hurry. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his tall frame maneuvering through the crowd with ease, the same way he’d driven the Lykan.

Adam. I tried to call out, to let him know where I was. I reached out a hand, hoping I could get his attention. At that moment the buzzing exploded into a flash of white light. It was as though a dam broke behind my eyelids.

I felt pain. So much pain.

And then I was falling. Several people screamed. I prepared myself to hit the ground, thinking that at least when I died the pain in my head would stop.

But the ground never came. Instead large arms encircled me. “What happened?” It was Adam’s voice. At least I thought so.

The buzzing subsided, but now there was something worse. It was even more painful than the buzzing and it seemed to attack my head and my heart at once.

Emotions. Thousands upon thousands of them. They came hard and fast, like a baseball in the stomach, over and over again.

Tears filled my eyes. I’d never cried. A Cavanaugh doesn’t cry, I heard my father say. But I couldn’t stop them.

The pain racked my body.

“Beatrice.” Adam’s voice sounded urgent.

I opened my eyes, ashamed that tears were running uncontrolled down my face.

Adam sucked in his breath.

“It hurts so bad,” I whimpered, turning my body toward his, willing him to take away the pain. There was something hard under his shirt, against his chest. If I hadn’t been hurting so much, I would’ve asked him about it.

He pulled me closer, wrapping me in his arms. I heard whispers around us. People saying things. Adam pushed through them, walking rapidly. I sensed the change in temperature when he stepped outside.

“Hang on,” he whispered.

Even through the pain I couldn’t help but note he wasn’t out of breath. It was true I weighed less than most but I was still over a hundred pounds. That was a lot of weight for anyone to carry for long distances.

“I’m going to set you down.”

I let out a moan. Standing seemed like too much effort. I was drowning in emotion. I’d heard when a person died they saw their life flash before them. In my case, I did see my life, but worse, I felt it too. All of the emotions I should’ve experienced when they happened. There was agony when I broke my arm, pain when I fell out of the tree house and cut my forehead open. Worse than that was the guilt, the shame, and the remorse. More often than I’d been hurt I realized how much I’d hurt other people. And I felt their pain.

“No,” I cried. “Please. No.” The words ripped from my throat. I deserved to be alone, but I didn’t want him to let me go. I thought I might die without Adam’s touch.

“Hang on, Beatrice.” Adam adjusted me in his arms and got the car door open. “I can’t get you home if I don’t drive. I’ve got to put you in the car.”

“No. Please.”

“I’m going to buckle you next to me. You can rest your head in my lap.”

That meant whole seconds without his touch.

“Otherwise I’ll need to call an ambulance. Would you rather I do that?”

“No.” It was the only word I could get out.

He grunted and slid me into the seat and then buckled me in. Then he got in on the driver’s side and the Lykan roared to life. “I’ll hurry.”

I tried to lay my head in his lap but the gearshift was in the way. Another whimper escaped my lips. Shame washed over me, burying all the other emotions momentarily. But like the ocean waves, they came back, crashing through my body, stronger than ever. I felt like I was going to be sick. My head rolled to the side.

“Don’t puke in this car, Beatrice.” His voice was strong, not hard, but forceful. He took my small hand in his large one. My emotions abated slightly.

I covered my mouth with my hand. My face was wet. I realized I was still crying.

After a while the car stopped. Adam let go of my hand. As soon as the pressure of his touch was gone, the emotions came back, fiercer than ever. It was as though each one fought the others to be the strongest. They continued to build and build.

“Adam?” I wanted him to hold my hand. For some reason all of this was easier to deal with when he did. But he didn’t come. Had he just left me in the car?

Feelings of abandonment hurled against my heart. I cried out, the ache was so strong. My fingers found the door handle and I opened it. My knees hit the ground and then the rest of me. The concrete was cool against my hot skin. It helped with the nausea.

But it didn’t help abate the memories and the feelings I should’ve had for the past eighteen years. They kept going and going, like a TV show. Except instead of sound there were feelings. So many of them that I wanted to die if that would make the pain go away.