When I came to standing again I was at the Fallen’s back, my swords waiting to cross his neck like chopsticks with a difficult piece of broccoli. I was eerily resolved to cutting his head off, the only true way to kill a Warrior or Star. My blades pricked his skin to let him know I was there and give him an idea of what I intended to do. I would have to pull my swords back to give my body some momentum to cut all the way through his neck, but I had this really practiced, dramatic speech to give first.

It was my first Fallen kill after all.

He stilled under the touch of my blades, knowing he was caught. A string of curse words flew out of his mouth, realizing he wasn’t just facing death, but death by a Starling at that.

I was embarrassed for him.

And then I was flying through the air, but not by my own free will. I smashed into a stone wall. Bits of rock flew everywhere and Shadows scurried out of the rays of my Light. I had a sword to my throat, just the tip of a curved sword that looked like it belonged to a pirate.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Seth taunted. “You’ll make me jealous if you keep this up.”

My swords dangled limply at my sides. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I knew that. But his eyes were so lifeless and cold that I needed to remind myself of that, on a loop that ran constantly in my head.

Trying to play the wounded girlfriend card I said, “I was just trying to get your attention.”

“You have it.” He stepped forward and let his sword fall to my waist. The point dragged across my t-shirt, snagging it before jumping down to the next catch in the fabric.

“We could get out of here?” I smirked at him. I had no idea what I was doing, but he seemed to respond to physical touch last time we were together.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” He laughed, but he sounded gentler.

“Is it working?” I deflected because it was kind of depressing that Seth found my efforts humorous.

“More than you realize.” He took another step forward and this time his sword dropped to his side too. We were close again, his chest heaving against mine. “I don’t know how to control this,” he whispered.

My battered heart plummeted to my stomach and I forgot how to breathe for a moment. “Why did you do this?”

Something like pain flashed in those dead eyes and his jaw ticked before he answered me, “So we could be together.”

“But will you come back to me?”

He was silent for so long, while a battle raged around us, and Shadows slithered along the wall near my head, that I thought I had lost him to the hundreds of distractions that called for his attention. Finally, he growled in a voice so low and hoarse I could barely understand him, “Hold on to me, Stella, so that I don’t have to come back to you. Hold on to me so that I never leave you.”

My soul splintered into a million pieces and tears pricked at my eyes. He displayed a dichotomy of extremes- on one side he was this vulnerable, broken man that I loved, and on the other he was quickly becoming a ruthless killer that wouldn’t recognize me anymore.

I felt myself nodding and all I wanted to do was finally confess how much I loved him, how desperately I was in love with him.

How I chose him.

But it was too late. I had chosen too late.

“Seth!” Seven called out. “We’re done here.”

Seth’s eyes took on more emotion than I had seen since before he joined the dark side and he let his free hand trail a line up my forearm. I shivered under the tenderness of his touch before he leaned in and pressed the briefest kiss to my lips. My eyes fluttered closed on instinct. Our contact was short and feather light but I breathed in the hot warmth of his soft lips for as long as I could. After only a second I opened my eyes but he was gone.

He had disappeared back into the night that he’d come out of.

I looked over at Serena and Nate who were standing there a little battered and a lot bloody. Jupiter was leaning over the dead body of the only Fallen I hadn’t dealt with tonight. His body lay at an awkward angle and his head had rolled a little ways off to the side.

It was pretty gross. But it made me breathe a little easier knowing at least one of them died tonight.

Serena looked at me and let out a whoosh of disbelief. Finally she said, “Out of everything that happened tonight, that wins the award for Most Tense Moment.” She shot me a sympathetic smile and I realized that she was referring to Seth and me.

“Is that why they left?” I ignored her insinuation and nodded at the dead body.

“No,” Nate shook his head. “You’re why they left. I don’t know how you’re going to manage it, Stella. But if anyone can bring Seth back, it’s you.”

If only I could be that confident.

A week later I was still reeling from my confrontation with Seth. I hadn’t seen him since, but I definitely had not stopped thinking about him. I couldn’t get the desperation of his words out of my head or the isolated indifference of his eyes flashing at me every time I closed mine.

It was like he was this shell of a being and I didn’t know which side of him to accept. Trust the words that I wanted to believe? Or the eyes that told me everything he uttered was a complete lie.

But always I would go back to those moments before he disappeared, to when he asked me, made me promise, not to give up on him.

He knew what he was doing then and how it would change him. But he had believed that whatever we had was stronger than all that.

And I hadn’t even told him I loved him.

But even without saying the words out loud, they were true.

Tristan and I had been spending a large amount of time together, just like we used to. I had scaled back with him when Seth started having such a huge issue with him. But we didn’t have that barrier anymore.

Except it wasn’t like it was before. I wondered if Tristan really had only been infatuated with me because of Seth, like his turf was being threatened or something. Now that I was technically a free, er, free-ish woman, I wasn’t as exciting anymore?

I didn’t know.

But with all my recent developments in the feelings department for Seth I had to assume this was a good thing. Life seemed less complicated at the same time it was infinitely more so.

And then there was Jude. The bane of my existence. He was miserable and intrusive. And always there.

Always.

Like right now, while I was trying to eat lunch, he was hovering. “What?” I finally shrieked in irritation.

“Just making sure you don’t choke,” he smirked. “You’re taking really big bites. Are you starving? Do you have a tape worm? Why are you eating like that?”

“Oh, my gosh,” I hissed. I felt my face start to glow from embarrassment and I stamped the instinct down- way down. “I’m hungry, geez.”

“No, I’m hungry,” Jude commented dramatically. “You’re trying to gain ten pounds before the bell rings.”

“I’m going to kill you,” I growled. My face was getting harder to control. We were surrounded by a lunch room so full that I would not be able to explain my glow worm talents to. Why was he egging me on?

“You don’t mean that,” he grinned.

“I do,” I assured him. “I mean that. Just wait until I’m eighteen.”

“Stella, if we both make it until you’re eighteen, I’ll hand you the sword.”

He said it so candidly, so loudly that I snapped my head around and gave him my full attention, quietly asking him to explain. “Why do you say that?”

Jude finally gained some sense, and looked around at the table of my friends pretending not to listen to us. He leaned in to me with his minty-cigarette scent and asked in a quiet voice, “Want to go outside with me?” He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and tapped them against the heel of his hand.