“I’m really nervous.” I admitted sheepishly.

I didn’t even have a chance to consider fleeing because Ky suddenly ripped the comforter off and pulled me onto his body; my legs fell to either side of his lap and I was soon straddling him. He sucked in a tight breath as I settled in his lap and for a moment I felt like I was having an out of body experience.

“Please don’t me nervous. You are in complete control. This is all you.” He whispered and I felt his hands fall to the small of my back where they rested.

“Can I take off your shirt?” I asked softly. He didn’t speak but simply nodded in response.

My hands ran up his arms and down his chest. I dropped my eyes and they followed my hands. The fleece of his hoodie provided surrealism at its best. The thought of what was underneath ignited my senses. He remained silent and stilled against me.

The moment my hands touched his warm skin and slid the hoodie from his body I shuddered against the sensation. His eyes slammed shut and his head dropped back against the couch. I took a moment to look at him while my hands rested on his stomach. His eyelashes rested on his cheeks and his lips parted as he took deep breaths. His reaction to my touch was overwhelming at best. My hands left the confines of his sculpted abdomen and with featherlike fingertips I ran up over his chest and toward his broad shoulders. His body rippled beneath my touch and finally his eyes opened and rested on mine. Eyes darkened with lust looked back at me and I felt heat swirling throughout my body. I was doing this to him, and I was beginning to love every moment of it.

Something came over me in that moment.

Need.

Want.

Desire.

“Eden.” His voice was hoarse, needy and desperate.

His arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me toward his body. We were so close that I could feel his breath on my lips.

“I need to kiss you again. I can’t stop thinking about how fucking sweet you taste; my addiction to your lips is in-fucking-sane. Do you want me to kiss you? Can you handle that? This is your chance to say no Eden.”

“Yes,” I murmured and an honesty that shocked me met my words. My body on instinct moved into his, my hips pressing into his, giving him the indication that I was speaking truth.

His mouth crashed into mine instantly stealing the breath from my lungs. I gasped at the sensation of his lips on mine. My hands slid over his shoulders and wrapped around his body as he pulled me flush against his chest. His tongue licked my bottom lip so delicately compared to his hands that rushed over my body. The moment I sighed in response, his tongue slipped into my mouth and began an intense dance with mine. I had never been kissed like this. My body reacted instantly; I moved on his lap, pushing myself closer to his body, grinding my body against his, and I enjoyed the groan that escaped the confines of his chest. Our breathing combined as I desperately tried to follow his lead. He owned every moment of this kiss. I had never shared a kiss like this with anyone before. His hands rested on my hips, but the moment I felt his warm hands slide up the back of my shirt I stilled on his lap. He must have felt my sudden change because his hands soon fell back to my hips and the movement of his mouth ceased its infiltrating attack. He pulled away from my mouth and rested his forehead against mine. We were breathing heavily; my body was on fire, and I knew this had affected him just as much as me.

“Fuck!” he whispered. “You are perfection Eden. I love your mouth.”

Like a shattering storm coming from nowhere, I felt the tightness in my chest before I felt the first tears spill over my cheeks. My emotions overwhelmed me. My thoughts were contradicting themselves. One minute I was loving the feeling of his body pressed against mine, of his mouth owning me but the next I was hating that I allowing my body to be owned, dictated, and used that way. I had spent so many years hiding myself from this but here I was, in the lap of someone so unlike anyone I had ever met before, kissing him like my life depended on it and feeling a pleasure that I never thought I’d experience. This wasn’t me. This was me losing the control that I craved, that I had worked four years to obtain.

The tears flooded my face and when Ky realized he pulled back and watched me closely. I knew he thought this was his fault when in reality it was all me. I cupped his face with my hands and leaned in, kissing his lips lightly before pulling away to find a look of complete confusion taking over his beautiful face.

“This isn’t me Ky. I’m not this girl. I don’t do this.”

His arms tightened around me and pulled me closer. “You deserve it all babe; to be kissed, held, caressed, loved, and cherished. That’s your given right. Your tears confuse me; they destroy me; they frustrate me because I know someone has taken this away from you.”

He knew.

“I want your thoughts, your fears, and all of your desires. It’s time for you to tell me everything Eden. Right here, right now,” Ky continued as his fingers ran through my hair tenderly.

I pulled away from his chest and climbed off his lap until I stood by the couch desperate for an escape. “I, uh, please don’t ask me that. I need to use the bathroom.”

I rushed out of the living room and escaped into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I rubbed my chest as I felt panic rise within me. The thought of opening up, of telling my deepest secrets to Ky, scared me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him look at me like I was broken, like I was a wounded animal barely hanging on for life. That thought alone confused me because if I were to be honest with myself, I had already considered revealing everything to him and I don’t know why.

I splashed some water on my face and counted to ten, inhaling and exhaling deeply as the panic subsided. If I walked out and pretended none of this happened maybe he wouldn’t pressure me. I did a silent prayer and walked out of the bathroom and into the living room knowing that the longer I hid myself away the more chance that he would make a big deal of it.

The moment I appeared he spoke. “Eden, look at me,” he demanded in a soft voice that caressed my heart.

I shook my head and stood in front of the couch.

“Look at me.” This time his voice wasn’t so soft.

I gave in and lifted my gaze from the floor and looked at him. His eyes swam with compassion, encouragement, and determination. We locked onto each other, neither of us willing to speak.

It hit me.

Suddenly the urge to tell him everything took over and the doubts I had vanished as his eyes showed me everything he was. They showed warmth I had never witnessed before and an acceptance that I had always wanted. This man before me, who had stormed into my life, screaming in my face when he had the urge to protect me, was becoming a confusing commodity. Maybe I needed to tell my story to someone who had no ties, no connection, who I would be leaving in a matter of weeks? Maybe talking about it in the place that it happened would offer some closure.

“Just let me talk, please don’t interrupt me,” I whispered before my confidence fled for the hills.

He sat back on the couch, pushing his back against the side of the couch. I sat on the other end, folding my legs under myself and started twisting my hands in my lap.

This was it.

I dropped my eyes and took a deep breath. “Four years ago I had the world at my feet. I was in college, I had a great bunch of friends, a loving family, and I loved everything about my life and where it was going. It was almost like I was being swallowed by happiness and I wouldn’t have changed that. I remember the day like it was yesterday. My friend asked me to go to the Christmas end of semester frat party and I thought why not. I usually wasn’t one to go to parties, it just wasn’t my thing but I thought to myself, ‘what’s the worst that could happen’?