“What if I want it though? What if I am ready for that? What if that’s the only thing I can think of? You touch me, you taste me, you kiss me but you never go further. I want you Ky, I want you to take me. I’ve never begged for this before, but with you I am.”

“You’re drunk Eden. You have no fucking clue what you are asking.”

“I know exactly what I am asking Ky. I’ve had three cocktails, that’s not enough to get me drunk.” My voice was now coming out as a plea.

He brutally shook his head. “I just can’t.”

He grabbed my chin, turning my face to the side and placed a lingering kiss on my cheek. When he looked at me, his gaze told me that he had a billion things to say to me but he didn’t. He just gave me one last look before disappearing through the crowd leaving me completely rejected.

“Are you okay?” Ashlyn grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my zone. I turned to face her; the moment I saw the concern on her face I felt myself come undone, and I shook my head in response. “Come on, let’s go and have a chat.”

I followed her through the crowd, and we made our way toward the stairs that led to the top floor that had the perfect view of the dance floor. As I crossed the crowded floor, I felt his eyes burning into me. I always knew the exact moment when his devastatingly seductive eyes were on me. My breath would hitch, the hairs on my arms would stand, and I would lick my lips in anticipation. I loved being under his gaze—I had come to crave it—but now, I felt uneasy, confused, and most heart crushingly, I felt unwanted.

I increased my pace, and Ashlyn and I made our way up the stairs and took a seat at a vacant table; the tub chairs allowed us to look over the balcony and down to the crowd.

“So what’s going on?” Ashlyn didn’t hold back, just straight to the point. I was always so hesitant to talk about anything to do with Ky with her because they were best friends. She immediately caught on to my hesitation and grabbed my hand. “Whatever is said between you and me, stays with you and me. He may be my best friend, but we have sister pride and all that bullshit.”

“I want to have sex with Ky.”

She spluttered on her drink, and her eyes bugged wide open. Yep, the exact reaction I expected. She placed her glass on the table and took me in. We sat in silence for a few long minutes.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” she finally asked.

“I don’t understand why it’s such a shock.”

“Babe, this is a massive step for both of you. I love you both so much. You need to make sure this is everything you want. I know you might find this hard to hear, but you haven’t had good experiences with sex and I want it to be the best experience you could have, you deserve everything in this world.”

“That’s why I want to have sex with Ky. I trust him; I feel safe with him, and I’d like to believe that he would treat me right. I know it hasn’t been long, but I am beginning to believe that sometimes time doesn’t mean a thing when something is right. You’ve got to understand that this is a first for me to feel this way about someone.”

“I’ve never seen him look at a woman the way he looks at you.”

“He confuses me. He says things to me that make me believe he wants this. I’ve fought this for so long Ashlyn; I never wanted to be close to anyone but then Ky came into my life and slowly but surely he has broken down my reserves and made me believe again. I didn’t have to pretend to want to be around him any longer. I didn’t cry after every time I saw him because I was exhausted from pretending. I feel safe with him.”

I pushed back further into the seat, my body molding to the concaves of the pure leather, and I focused my attention back to the party and space below. Since the first time I saw him, my eyes were drawn to Ky like a moth to a flame, and I couldn’t stop the pull. Ky moved through the crowd with a confidence, a grace that couldn’t be matched; there was a determination in his step that begged for acknowledgement. He worked the room like a true professional, but the scowl that was etched over his perfect face and the severity of his tight jaw was evident even from here.

Ashlyn leaned over the small table that sat between our chairs and fired a suggestive look my way. “How about we go and talk to this hot band you know. I want a photo with them. Is that too fan girl? Will you make it seem just like a group selfie or something?”

The combination of Blake and Colby strikes again.

Ashlyn and I made our way downstairs. Thankfully the effects of one too many cosmopolitans were starting to dissipate from my body and I was left with the realization of what I had done. I was forced to quickly come to terms with the brutal honesty that I had not only divulged to Josh but also to Ky.

I looked around the bar for any signs of Colby and Blake and the moment I found them I drew in a deep breath; my wide eyes landed on Ky who was standing with them in deep conversation. Ashlyn's hand grabbed mine, and we weaved through the crowd on our way toward them. I couldn’t ignore the nerves of watching my two worlds colliding right before my eyes.

My step didn’t falter as I walked straight into the arms of Colby and curled my body around his as I hugged him for dear life. I didn’t care about anything at that moment, and as usual, as so many times before, being in his arms provided me with the comfort that took me away from reality and soothed the soaring emotions ricocheting within me.

“What’s going on with you two?” he whispered gently into my ear, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. I didn’t even need to ask, I knew exactly who he was talking about.

“There is absolutely nothing going on.”

Colby took it as cue to cease conversation about Ky, and they all fell into conversation around me. I stood in silence taking in the banter of Blake and Colby, feeling a twinge of sadness at not knowing when I would see them again. I would be going back to San Francisco in a little over two weeks, and they would be hitting the road for God only knew how long. Most surprisingly was Ky’s interaction with them. The three of them spoke of the West Coast, music, and football. He spoke so fluently, like he was catching up with old friends, yet he still kept his eyes from mine.

“Ashlyn, I either need to get completely drunk or dance until I can’t stand. What are we looking at?” Four sets of eyes suddenly turned to me, taking in my brash announcement and offered me unwanted looks of concern.

My eyes met with Ky’s narrowed gaze and the slightest shake of his head in dismissal grabbed my attention. I felt the waves of submission crashing within me. Intensity roared around us and suddenly it felt like everything and everyone disappeared leaving us in our personal vortex of intensity.

“Don’t do this,” he growled into my ear after he crossed the space between us and pulled me to his chest.

I wanted to fight him. I wanted to push away. I wanted to run away.

“What am I doing?” I asked meekly and looked up at him, the feeling of fight floating away. I had no clue whether Ashlyn, Colby, or Blake were even still standing around us, and at that point I didn’t care.

“Don’t push me. I am fighting every single fucking day to stop the thoughts of taking you and just when I think I have it under control you go and say things like you said tonight. Eden, why do you feel safe with me? How do you know I’m not just a guy who will fuck you and run? I could be the worst thing that has happened to you. I could destroy everything you deserve, and I can’t be that guy.”

“You will never be that guy,” I whispered.

Defeat and rejection were a devastating combination. Like a continuous slap to the face, over and over again, just to make sure you felt the sharpness of every contact to your brutalized skin.

I found his pleading eyes and felt more confused than ever. For the first time in recent memory, I had actually considering wholeheartedly giving myself to a man but now that was being shattered by words that I didn’t believe. But who was I to fight?