I couldn’t live with that. I had to make her think I wanted her gone, had to push her away. It was for her own good, and mine as well.

“I mean it, Paige. I want you to leave. You’ve been here long enough. Go back where the people actually miss you and care that you’re gone.”

She gasped as if I’d slapped her, and the sound nearly caused my knees to buckle. I was too good at being a dick, too well versed in being mean to her.

“I don’t believe you,” she whispered. “I know you feel what I feel.” Her eyes pleaded with me as she lifted a trembling hand to her heart.

“I don’t feel anything.” The words practically burned my tongue as I spit them out, my lies choking me from within.

“I know that’s not true.” She sucked in a gulp of air, and I wanted so badly to be her oxygen. “But I’ll go,” she added with a nod, then pushed back her shoulders with determination.

I watched as she hesitated before turning away from me and walking toward her car. Colin grabbed Paige’s things from her, his hand brushing against hers, and placed them in the trunk. My blood boiled as I witnessed the simple gesture. He ushered her to the driver’s door and opened it for her.

She slid into the front seat of her BMW and started the engine. Colin tried to get into the passenger side, but fumbled with the door. I wanted to cheer Paige on when I realized she’d locked it and refused to let him in. That was my girl.

My girl. And I was letting her go. Hell, making her go was more accurate.

She’s not my anything. Not anymore. Only an idiot would think she ever was.

Paige turned to me one last time, her eyes locking with mine before she dropped a pair of black sunglasses over them. The car’s tires spun as she pulled out and headed down the drive.

I followed behind, Buster tagging along with me, until she got to the main road and turned down it. When the taillights of her BMW faded out of view, I fell to my knees, the gravel from the road piercing the denim in my already ripped jeans.

How long does a man have to stay on his knees until a woman knows—innately knows—that he’s on them waiting for her?

Probably forever. And I deserved nothing less.

So I stood there like an asshole and watched her go, doing nothing. I never tried to stop her, begged her to stay, asked for more time, or anything. Instead I pushed her out the door and forced her to leave.

I’m a coward.

Right now I should be chasing her car, begging her to never go anywhere without me.

Maybe she’ll turn around?

Maybe she’ll come back?

I smacked the side of my head, pissed off at myself for being such a dick to her. My defense mechanism kicked into the gear the minute I saw Colin here. He was lucky I didn’t beat that smug grin right off his face. Instead I handed her over to him like she was a prize at the fair that he didn’t deserve to win. But I gave her up anyway.

Take her. You can have her. I don’t want her anymore.

Only an idiot would do something as stupid as that.

Only a fool watches the girl he cares about drive away and does nothing about it.

Only me.

I must have kneeled in the road for hours. At least, it seemed like hours. Staring at the empty gravel road, watching the dust from her car settle after she was long gone, I wished I could take back every single harsh word I’d spoken and bring her back to me. But it was too late for that. She was gone.

After sucking in one last long breath, I turned away from the deserted road and noticed Buster waiting for me, his head resting on his paws. “C’mere boy,” I whispered and he whined, sidling up to my side with his tail between his legs.

Slowly we walked together toward my mom’s house, just my dog and me, heads low, no tail wagging in sight.

“She’s gone?” Mama’s strained voice sliced through me as the screen door closed at my back.

I nodded, feeling responsible for both of our losses—again—as Mama turned away without another word and walked down the hall. The door to her room closed softly, and I moped to the back barn to wallow in solitude.

Buster didn’t follow me there. Even my own dog didn’t want to be around me after what I’d done, and he was right.

I didn’t want to be around me either.

Long Drive Home

Paige

I lost track of how many states I’d cried tears in. I wasn’t stupid when it came to Tatum and why he acted the way he did. In my gut, I knew that he didn’t mean any of the harsh words that spilled out of his mouth, but my mind wouldn’t stop replaying them, as if to try to convince me otherwise.

He didn’t want me. He told me to leave. The anguish of it all repeated, making sure I didn’t forget a single word of it.

“You’re a good time,” he’d said to me in an icy voice.

“No joke. I’m telling you to go. You should have never been here in the first place.”

Tears continued to spill down my cheeks each time his hateful tone echoed inside my mind. My entire body ached in a way I didn’t recognize.

The pain with Colin had been so very different from this. I’d thought I loved Colin, but now I wasn’t sure what exactly it was that I felt for him. Tatum made my relationship with Colin seem like such a joke; juvenile, at best.

Realizing that I was heading back to my reality, following the two men in my life that I currently liked the least, I reached for my cell phone tucked inside my purse and pulled it out. Glancing at it quickly, I turned it on for the first time in ages. It came to life, synched with my car, and started beeping out message alerts for what felt like five minutes straight.

Ignoring them all, I told my car to dial Quinn.

“What’s up, babe?”

“Don’t you ever work?” I teased through my tears.

“I’m actually in my trailer, brat, so start talking before I get called back on set,” she warned, and I lost it.

I sobbed for a moment, and after Quinn asked me three times what was wrong, she stayed silent until I stopped sounding like a wounded animal.

“Jayson and Colin came here,” I stuttered.

“Shut up. Oh my God, how’d they find you?”

“I have no idea.”

“Where are you?”

“Driving.”

“Driving where? Back home?”

“Yeah.”

“What about Tatum? Is he with you?”

“He told me to leave.” I sucked in a shaky breath as more tears fell. I wanted to say more about him, but I couldn’t.

“He told you to leave?” When I couldn’t respond, she finally added, “I’m sorry, Paige. Where’s Colin now?”

“In Jayson’s car,” I spat out. “I wouldn’t let him ride with me.”

“Good girl,” she murmured. “How long until you’re back?”

“I’m not sure. Probably another couple of days.”

“I can’t believe Jayson drove out there and brought Colin with him. That’s just a low blow.”

“They flew.” I didn’t know why I felt like even the most minute details were important, but for some reason I wanted Quinn to have all the facts. “But then they rented a car to make sure I’d go back with them. It’s awful the way they showed up, demanding I leave. And I did it, Quinn. I just packed up my stuff and followed them like the good little obedient girl that I am.”

“No,” she snapped at me, her voice turning harsh. “Do not do that to yourself. Please don’t act like getting away didn’t change you, Paige, because I heard it in your voice. That trip was a good thing. Don’t diminish it. And you had to eventually come back, anyway. It’s not like you could stay gone forever.”

She was right. I would have had to come back to LA soon enough, so I allowed a smidgeon of that particular guilt to evaporate, even if I didn’t entirely agree with it. I felt like I was being bossed around, and I allowed it.

“Call me as soon as you get in, and I’ll come right over,” she insisted.