Being away was exactly what I needed. And no, not because I hated myself after what Colin did, or because I couldn’t get over him (I am SO over him, for the record). I’m not pregnant. I most certainly did not try to kill myself, and why anyone would even make light of something so serious is beyond me. Suicide isn’t a joke. I don’t find it funny, and I don’t think that the press should be able to throw that type of accusation around whenever it suits them (but that’s a discussion for another time).

There are so many things that each of us take for granted in our lives. I don’t believe we do it on purpose; we just get used to the things we have, the things that surround us on a daily basis, that we stop seeing how unique they truly are. Sometimes the most beautiful things in our world stop being so pretty because we see them all the time. But that’s on us to change our perspective and start really seeing again.

My eyes have been reopened. I can see clearly now exactly what it is that I want and need in my life to feel a little more like you and to be more relatable.

I’m sorry that I disappeared without a trace and made some of you worry. Please forgive me for causing you any distress, as that was never my intention. And please understand that escaping the chaos that surrounded me for a little while was exactly what I needed to do for me, but I won’t do it again. At least, not without letting you know. I promise.

I hope that you understand and that you’ll continue to follow me on my journey. It’s been the most incredible seven years, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But it’s time to expand my horizons a little. I’m not quitting acting—so please don’t think that—I’m just finding my balance, my happy place in this world.

It’s a space that exists in each of us that only we truly know what fuels it. I hope you have yours. And I hope you’ll stick around to watch me find mine. I love you all so much!

Sincerely and with respect,

Paige

My cell phone rang within minutes with my new agent’s name on the caller ID. “Is it okay?” I asked instead of saying hello.

“It’s perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing,” Madison said, making me really smile for the first time in what felt like months. “Did you get the e-mail with the contracts?”

“I did. They should already be headed back to you right after my lawyer looks them over.”

“Perfect.”

“Any idea on a word change for fans?” I asked before I forgot, caught up in the excitement over posting that online.

“Oh! Yes. I was thinking friends.”

I released a short breath as I smiled to myself. “Oh jeez, of course! The answer was so simple, it was hard to find. I love it. Thank you.”

“One last thing. You can either hit publish on that now, or you can wait until I get all the websites updated with your new agent contact information. It’s up to you,” Madison said, all business, and I liked it.

“How long will that take?”

“About fifteen minutes.”

I laughed. “Oh! I thought you were going to say like two days or something. Text me when you’re done with the update. I’ll make sure my website contact information is updated as well before I post it.”

“I’m excited, Paige!”

“Me too,” I said before hanging up.

And I was. This would be the first time I was truly standing up for myself, speaking my piece in a way that no one could take away from me—not the press, not Colin, not Jayson, not anyone who wanted to bring me down with lies, accusations, or false words. There would be no reading it wrong or getting the wrong idea, no misinformation, because it would have come straight from me.

I sucked in a long breath before I exhaled it slowly, a smile on my face as I waited for the signal to press Post.

When my phone dinged, I glanced down and saw the message from Madison that simply said, “GO FOR IT.”

So I did.

Who Cheated First

Paige

My phone had been ringing off the hook since the letter went live on my website. Madison informed me that we crashed the server multiple times, and that screenshots of the letter were currently going viral on all media outlets and social media sites.

Feeling quite happy with myself, I silenced my phone for the night. For the first time since getting back to LA, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Reaching my hands over my head in the morning as I stretched, I instinctively reached for my cell sitting on my nightstand and turned the volume up, noticing the insane amount of missed calls, text messages, and e-mails. My phone hadn’t blown up like that since the news of Colin cheating had broken.

I wrongly assumed that overload of messages were from the press wanting further comment about my open letter, but as I opened up the Internet browser on my cell, my breath caught in my throat as headlines with my name caught my eye.

Paige Cheated First! And We Have the Proof!

Colin Heartbroken Over a Cheating Paige!

Paige Gets Cozy with this Southern Hunk!

My heart dropped as I scanned the photos that accompanied the lies, all pulled from various social media accounts. One was of Tatum and me at the field party, sitting in the back of his truck, and the other was of us kissing inside the bar. And I’d just mentioned the field party and the trucks in my letter the night before.

Dropping my head into my hands, I wondered when this nightmare was going to end. When had I become a target for constant scandal? Refocusing, I clicked on one of the headlines and scanned the contents of the article, noticing the mentions of “reliable sources” that meant absolutely nothing when it came to sensational journalism these days.

How could I have forgotten that I told everyone from Hanford they could start posting the pictures once I left town? Rubbing my eyes with the palm of my hands, I was suddenly scared for the sweet town. The press, not to mention the world, would soon know everything about my time away and the people who were a part of it. The one thing I had longed to keep quiet would soon become an absolute circus. I could never stand to show my face there again if I ruined their peace and quiet. How would I forgive myself?

Glancing back at the pictures, I couldn’t ignore the way my stomach flipped when I looked at Tatum’s face next to mine. And the photo of us kissing in the bar almost made me come apart completely. Everything I felt for him seemed so transparent, so glaringly obvious in that picture. I missed him. But as quickly as that emotion entered my body, I dismissed it, forcing myself to remember that he hadn’t so much as called since I’d been back.

I jumped out of bed and dialed Madison’s number as I walked into the bathroom and reached for a washcloth. She was quickly becoming someone I trusted, and I realized that I always had to some extent. Calling her was almost second nature, and we’d only just become business partners the day before.

“Paige,” she answered.

“My God.” I didn’t know what else to say; I was at a loss.

“It’s okay. We’ll deal with this. Do you want to release a statement?”

I balled my hand into a fist a few times before responding. “But I just released a huge statement on my website. We just posted that last night, and now this?”

“I know you’re frustrated. Why don’t we see how the day plays out, and then we can figure out what we want to do, if anything.”

I was tired. Tired of this constant defense of myself, my actions, my thoughts, my movements. It was something I’d never dealt with before, so I wasn’t necessarily good at it. The letter to my friends had drained me, and I’d already said everything I wanted to. I didn’t want to talk anymore, suddenly feeling like all my honest words from last night were negated by a few pictures and lying headlines.