“To a night of pussies and tits,” Francy said.

“To a night of debauchery,” I finished.

We clinked our glasses together and chugged them, then held them out for a chaser of…another shot and slammed that as well.

Tootse’s face cringed, Francy squealed, Babs shimmied and Pepper thrust her pelvis in the air, we were fucking ready.

Bourbon Street was crawling with tourists, locals, street performers and barely-covered women. I took a deep breath and swallowed the smell of booze mixed with the faint smell of bile…I was home.

Kace and Diego trailed us from a decent distance but always kept an eye on our movements. When Kace showed up, his heated gaze took in my apparel making me shrink from his stare down. Then Diego walked in, wearing a tight V-neck shirt and all bets were off. We had two hot bodyguards and the girls could not be more happy about it. They all were swooning over Diego, I didn’t blame them.

“Where to first?” Babs asked as we walked by a duo of street performers dancing on some worn-out pieces of cardboard. The streets were barely lit by lanterns outside of the establishments that flanked the street and bar music and live bands competed with each other, trying to draw in the drunkards to spend more money.

“Daiquiris!” Francy fist pumped the air and took off to a corner bar where there were no doors, just a wall of fifteen different flavored daiquiris that would have you sitting on your ass in less than half an hour if consumed too quickly.

We all followed her and scanned the different flavors that were offered. Flavors ranged from cherry limeade to blue cooler to witches brew.

“Five party animals,” Babs ordered for us while slapping down some money on the counter. “And we want the biggest fucking cups you have.” She winked at the bartender that was covered in piercings and tattoos. He winked back and started making good on our order.

Francy grabbed my hand and started twirling me in the middle of the bar.

“Time to get loose, baby. You’ve been too tense lately,” she shouted over the music.

“That’s what happens when you take me away from my favorite dick,” I replied making Francy throw her head back and laugh.

“Thank God I always have my little pussy cat next to me.”

We both looked over at Tootse who was bobbing her head to the music and tapping her foot on a barstool. Babs had her arm around her and was twirling Tootse’s hair in her finger while Pepper humped the backside of Babs’s back. Someone must have started drinking a little earlier than the others.

“Baby!” Francy called out, waving Tootse over to us.

She smiled, grabbed three drinks that were already poured and brought them over to us. The neon cups graced our hands with straws that were almost as tall as the long cups begging for our lips. With one sip of the freezing cold liquid, I knew it was going to be a long, inappropriate night for me.

***

“I’m pretty sure my bra snapped loose a half hour ago,” I slurred over the pounding music that was radiating off the walls of a very small and very smelly bar we found. “Look at how jiggly my tits are,” I said to Babs as I shimmied at her.

Babs stood up straight and pulled my tank top off my chest and looked down my shirt. She nodded and said, “Yup, you got some free boobies going on there.”

“Shit, how did that happen?” I asked as I swayed to the music.

“Probably around the same time you decided to tie your leather jacket around your head like a turban,” she said while swatting one of the sleeves that kept dangling over my forehead.

“You have to admit though, it’s one hell of a fashion statement.”

Babs leaned forward and said, “I’m pretty sure I saw some girls wearing their jackets just like that in the bathroom but couldn’t pull it off like you can.”

“It’s not for everyone,” I said as I showed off my turban, framing it with my hands.

“Just gorgeous,” Babs encouraged me.

“Ah beh dink ferg, Mama.” Tootse came tumbling in sucking her thumb and holding on to her right breast.

“What?” Babs asked. “Was that English?”

I was hammered but even in my drunk state I couldn’t translate what Tootse was trying to say.

“I don’t think soooo,” I said while dancing in a circle.

Francy pulled up next to Tootse and wrapped an arm around her. “Time to say goodnight to your friends. You’re drunk, sweetheart, and you can bet your ass I’ll be taking advantage of you.”

“Aww, lesbian sex,” I cooed as my hands started to wave in the air.

“Just sex,” Francy corrected me. “You don’t have to put lesbian in front of it.”

“But it sounds so much cooler.” I continued to sway as I said, “I was a lesbian once, then Jett came and licked my pussy…saddled me right back on the bologna pony express to pleasure Ville.”

“I heard that’s off Dick Drive and Cunt Circle,” Pepper said as she handed out more shots.

“You might want to take her back too.” Babs laughed while pointing at me.

“What? Nah! I’m a peach. A damn peach.”

“You’re a peach all right,” Babs retorted.

“Are you going to lick my peach?” Tootse pouted to Francy.

“Christ,” she mumbled while pulling her in tight. “I’m taking off ladies. Apparently there is some ripe fruit waiting for me.”

“I can’t take the visual,” Pepper said as she cringed after taking her shot and Tootse’s since she was out of commission now.

“I can!” I shouted as I used the now empty shot glass as my telescope. I zoned in on Tootse’s cleavage and said, “Ahoy matey, we got here an erect nipple.” My finger flicked her nipple, making her squeal.

“That tickled. You tickled my tit.” Tootse burst out in laughter. “Tit, my tit. Tit, tit, tit tickler. She’s the tit tickler.”

“And that’s my cue,” Francy said as she blew kisses to us and pulled Tootse out of the bar.

“That should be my stage name!” I all of a sudden became excited. I ran to the bar, asked for a pen and grabbed a napkin.

“What are you doing?” Babs asked as she looked over my shoulder.

“Two dots and there!” I said as I held up my napkin.

“Tit Tipper?” Babs asked with a confused look.

“What?” I turned my napkin around and looked at it. “Oh shit, I meant tickler.”

Babs and Pepper burst into laughter. “You’re so twisted.”

I shrugged my shoulders and put the napkin in my shirt so the writing hung over my breasts. I shimmied at them and said, “Watch out, the tit tipper is going to get you.”

“That wouldn’t be the worst thing,” Pepper said as she motioned to the bartender for more drinks. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take, I was at my limit. One more might be sending me down to tile town to meet up with the porcelain gods and that was a visit I really didn’t want to make.

“I think I want some water,” I said to the bartender who looked me up and down and nodded in agreement. Fucking judger. As If I was the worst thing that crossed Bourbon Street.

I caught my reflection in the mirror behind the bar and instantly understood why the bartender was handing me a tall glass of sober-inducing water.

My hair was sticking out at all ends thanks to my leather jacket turban, my makeup was smeared down my face from sweat and my bra was practically falling out of my shirt from being unattached. The only classy thing about me was the sign hanging out of my chest and that was bordering classy.

“Holy shit, I’m a hot mess,” I announced to the girls.

Babs looked me up and down while taking a sip of some kind of red concoction in her hand. “I’m surprised you just noticed that. You were at hot mess status an hour ago when you started pelvic thrusting one of the hobo’s dogs on the streets.”

My head snapped up to Babs in disgust. “Please tell me it was at least a German Shepard.”

“What is wrong with you?” Pepper laughed.