I told her the story about Smoky that led me to feeling so passionate and sure about wanting to become a doctor that I had enrolled in school.

Her brown eyes were vacant a couple of moments, and I knew she was thinking of something else. Then slowly they brightened as a smile formed on her lips, and she began to nod. “You found your calling.”

Is it my calling? I feel like I’m questioning everything these days, including this. People don’t understand that becoming a doctor isn’t just about the crazy expenses of school tuition, and years that you spend in a classroom followed by more years of being in a hospital, learning. You’re making the conscious decision to dedicate your life to saving others. Am I capable of this?

“Hmmmm.”

I blink several times, trying to shove the thoughts aside and look to Jameson. He’s scratching his head and looking around the kitchen uneasily. I can see him searching for the words to say to end this conversation.

Wes doesn’t give a shit. He’s as brazen as Kendall can be. “He’s going to be a surgeon as long as he remains focused and remembers what’s important.”

Erin doesn’t reply. She’s an expert at ignoring things she doesn’t want to hear; it’s one of the few things I’ve learned about her. She begins petting my chest in a motion that briefly distracts me and makes me wonder what in the hell she’s doing.

Zeus wanders in the kitchen followed by a sleepy looking Kendall, who takes in the lot of us and quietly sighs.

She walks directly to Erin and me, and my muscles tense. Sticking out her hand, she forces a tight smile on her lips that I know is fake. “We haven’t formally been introduced. I’m Kendall.”

I feel a little guilty for not having introduced the two. I haven’t introduced Erin to anyone. I haven’t really seen the point. The only reason she’s spoken to Jameson is because she’s been around a few times when he was home, and J doesn’t know the definition of a stranger. He introduced himself and had no problem making an effort to make conversation with her. The first time hadn’t gone too bad, he’d had to go to work and cut things short, but the second time, had been a little more awkward when she forgot meeting him the week before. I’ll give it to him, the smartass smirk turned genuine within seconds of me looking at him.

“Kendall, that’s a hot name!” Erin cries, placing her hand in Kendall’s.

Kendall gives her a parting smile, obviously satisfied in finding that Erin is proving her suspicions to be correct.

“What’s your name?” Wes asks as Kendall buries her head in the fridge.

“Erin,” she chirps. “What’s yours, handsome?”

“Wes.”

“Wes, that’s hot!”

Kendall closes the fridge enough that she can look over to us with a look that screams her thoughts of Erin being a moron.

“I’ve got to get out of here. You should go to class, Miller,” Wes adds. As he passes me, his shoulder crashes into mine and he doesn’t turn around. He disappears out the front door without another word.

“Hi, sweetheart, it’s Mom. Your brothers will be here at three on Thursday. I was hoping you’d arrive a little early if you don’t have anything else going on. I’d like to hear how things are going.” There’s a brief pause. “We won’t discuss anything about … it, I promise. I just want to see you.”

Guilt pangs me, knowing I’m causing her to feel the sadness that’s evident in her voice. We’ve all lost David, but that was the tip of the iceberg. After she left, I knew my mom’s and Muriel’s relationship became strained. I’m sure largely because of me, but she assured me that she made the choice because she didn’t agree with Muriel’s actions following David’s death, feeling she was being disrespectful by moving on so quickly.

I hit a couple of buttons to call her, and hear the phone ring twice before she answers it.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hi, sweetheart!” Relief floods her tone. “How are you doing?”

“Good. How are you?” I haven’t seen my mom in a couple of months now, not since I was there after the camping trip in August. I avoid going home and make excuses for her to come here.

“I’m good. Did you get my message?”

I hear a flood of voices and sounds behind her. “Are you still at work?” I ask, glancing at the clock and seeing that it’s past nine.

“Yeah, I’m just wrapping some things up. It’s not a big deal.”

I should ask her why she’s there so late, make sure everything’s going alright, but I’ve been so absent lately, I feel like asking will just make it more pronounced, so I don’t. “I was going to bring someone with me Thursday. I just wanted to call and make sure it’s alright.”

I pull the phone away from my ear to see if the phone has disconnected as silence greets me. I watch the seconds tick and put it back to my ear. “Mom?”

“Yes, sorry …” I hear her swallow and can picture her frazzled expression as she tries to act nonchalant. “Of course, you can bring someone, sweetheart. Are you bringing Wes?”

She’s fishing. She used to think that her mom was the only person that was overly interested in her children’s business. Muriel had been a bit consumed with knowing everything, but the fishing is a trait I think girls develop at a young age and master the day their children are born.

“No, her name’s Erin.”

My mom’s silent for another beat. “That’s terrific, honey. I’m so excited to meet her and to see you!” I notice that her pitch is a little higher than normal.

“We’ll be there around noon.”

“Terrific! That’s just terrific.”

“Mom, stop saying terrific. I’ll see you Thursday.”

“Terr—” She clears her throat. “That will be great, honey. I’ll see you then.”

I hang up and toss my phone on the bed, releasing a deep breath. Erin has been heavily hinting about spending time with me for the holiday, pressuring me about going to San Francisco to meet her family. I’m not about to go traipsing into that bear trap and figure this will suffice.

I’ve been dreading Thanksgiving since October. Some memories are easier to suppress than others. Last Thanksgiving is a memory I don’t think I’ll ever be able to erase.

“What are your brothers’ names again?” Erin asks as she flips through the radio stations, stopping when she gets to an unfamiliar rap song.

“Hank and Billy.”

“And their wives names are … Sam and …”

I glance over and see her looking lost in thought as she works to recall Molly’s name. “Sarah and Molly,” I provide.

“Molly!” she cries. “That’s a hot name!”

Sarah’s going to eat me alive.

I diligently work to avoid looking next door as we pull into my mom’s driveway, and hear Zeus’s soft whines from behind me.

As soon as I open the door to let him out, he makes a mad dash to the Bosse residence and whines, pawing at the door.

“Zeus!” I call, clapping my hands a couple of times. “Zeus, come here, boy!”

“Hey, mongrel.” I glance up as Mr. Janes crosses the street, clapping his hands firmly together. Zeus turns to acknowledge him and lets out another whimper before putting his head down and walking over to him.

Mr. Janes runs a hand over his back and roughly pats his flank a few times. “They’re out of town. Went to Hawaii for the week.”

“Who did?” Erin asks, coming around the front of my truck.

“You got a new everything, huh?” Mr. Janes comments, ignoring her question. His eyes fall back to Zeus as he pats him a few more times. “I’m glad you took him. I was worried about him after she left. With David gone, and her being gone, he wasn’t been the same.” It’s as though he knows I can’t hear the sound of her name. “How could anyone be?” He looks at me, and his lips press together in what I think is supposed to be a smile, but instead, they curve down in a frown.