“There you are!” I turn my head to see Jenny and Adam push open the front door, wearing matching smiles on their nearly newlywed faces.

“You’re Ace?” Erin asks, her eyes slicing through me with a hatred that’s undeniable. “I thought your name was Harper?”

“It is,” I reply lamely. I’m at a complete loss for words because I have no idea what she knows of me. Is her loathing because I had hurt Max or out of jealousy? I have no idea.

Max appears in the front door, and both Erin and I turn to him. His eyes move from me to her and back to me again before his head tilts and his eyes silently ask me what’s going on.

“Hey, Max!” Jenny’s words sound awkward and forced.

“That’s Max?” Fitz’s voice rings clearly, making me cringe.

“She’s Ace!” Erin screams in response, stomping down the few remaining steps.

The voices from the kitchen stop and Jenny’s eyebrows rise with confusion and surprise. I have no idea which of my sisters knows about her, or what they know. I focus on Jenny for a second, needing to see a familiar face that isn’t going to be filled with accusation. Her eyes slowly drift around the room before landing on me.

“My bad.” She grabs Adam’s hand and edges her way back to the front door.

I silently plead with her to stay and her head shakes once before she lifts her thumb and pinky to her face in the shape of a phone. “Call me!” she whispers, and then they disappear, closing the front door.

My hands feel clammy as my attention turns back to Erin, hearing her take a few steps closer. She looks furious, glaring at me with disgust. “I can’t believe this. You’re Ace!” It isn’t a question. It’s a revelation of some sort.

I consider explaining once again that my name really is Harper, but that seems irrelevant and tedious at the moment, especially when I consider that I don’t know what she knows.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” she screams at Max this time.

“There was no need to make a big deal out of it.”

I hang on to the word it again, trying not to focus on the fact that I keep feeling a little more insignificant to him.

“She’s staying in your house!”

“She’s Kendall’s sister,” Max states.

“She’s your ex-girlfriend!”

“She’s only staying a few more days.”

I know that if I was in her position I’d be blazing holes through his attempt to rationalize things right now. Well, actually, I’d probably leave and then mentally blast holes through his defense, but her anger seems to recede a bit.

“We’ll let you guys talk,” Fitz says quietly. Placing a hand on the small of my back, he leads me to the front door.

“What in the hell’s going on?” Fitz growls as we reach the yard. “You’re staying with your ex-boyfriend? What the hell, Harper? Have you lost your ever loving mind?”

“It’s not a big deal,” I insist, falling back into my comfortable placating mode by trying to smile at him.

Fitz shakes his head a few times, his eyes looking to the ground. “Does he know you’re not over him?”

“I am over him. We’ve both moved on. We’re trying to be friends now.”

“That’s bullshit,” Fitz says, shaking his head a few times.

The front door bangs open and Erin strides past us without a glance, leaving me slightly relieved until Max races after her, pleading for her to stop and listen to him. She doesn’t pause. Instead, she climbs into her car and slams the door before reversing down the street like a Nascar driver. Max hops in his truck and quickly follows after her.

The rehearsal dinner seems to run smoothly, at least what parts I am aware of. After Max had gone, Fitz and I went back inside and the group that was left standing in the living room looked confused and unsteady as they greeted us with forced conversation.

Although I know they all heard the ensuing drama, no one has spoken a word about it, which seems almost hypocritical since I’ve been called on the carpet so much for not talking about things. Granted, there’s a time and place for everything, and a wedding rehearsal would not be the best place to hash out my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend fighting over my discovery.

My thoughts are distracted with Max for the first half of the night, and then with the knowledge that my dad is missing this event for the second half. He only got to walk two of his five daughters down the aisle, and the thought causes a crippling fear that I don’t work to push back. Instead, I finally attempt to focus on my family and the love that’s surrounding me.

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”

–Sonia Ricotti

Fitz lets out a low whistle as we pull up to my mom’s house. “Explain to me why you sleep on an air mattress again.”

“You sleep on an air mattress?” Kendall looks repulsed as she repeats Fitz’s words.

I shoot him a warning look and slide out of the car. My hair is wrapped and pinned to the crown of my head in a similar fashion to Kendall’s from visiting the hair salon this morning.

Fitz’s eyes widen with a challenge. The entire drive out here was practically an unveiling of sorts as Fitz told Kendall about my life in Delaware. It started innocent enough; he asked how I’ve been sleeping. Because Jameson was driving, Kendall turned and watched our exchange and apparently recognized that his question was laden with concern. Fitz is familiar with the nightmares that plague me, and though Kendall had known about the one I had that she’d starred in, she didn’t seem to realize that they were a constant battle, not until I nodded and told him that I’d been sleeping well. Then Fitz’s eyes rounded and his chin tilted as he asked if I’d slept well the entire time. I have been. I think I’ve been too tired to have nightmares here, or perhaps it’s because I can see those that I often dream of.

Kendall didn’t allow my loose confirmation to pass. She instantly joined in, asking how often I’ve been having nightmares and what they’ve been about, which led to revealing Kitty and why I’ve been seeing her and how that began. Somehow the subject of cooking came up, and before I could curb the conversation, Kendall was telling Fitz about what a good cook I am, and my love for soccer, and swimming, details that Fitz and I have never discussed. They talked to each other more than they actually spoke to me, comparing details and notes, which at times varied widely and earned furrowed brows of confusion and detailed examples from the other.

I know Jameson sensed my restlessness. He tried several times to help me out and change the subject, but it never worked. They ignored both of us as though we weren’t even there. After listening to it all, I feel fully exposed and slightly embarrassed by the secrets I’ve harbored. I’d never done it intentionally. I just didn’t know how to leave behind the memories without leaving pieces of me behind as well.

We each grab our garment bags from the trunk and head inside where there’s already a crowd of people congregating, finishing off last-minute details of setting up for the wedding. I’ve been struggling to envision how this was all going to happen with the swimming pool and the patio taking up such a large amount of space in the backyard, but everyone’s dismissed my concerns, assuring me that Mom knows what she’s doing.

Kendall strides over to two of our aunts from Texas, her smile growing as she greets them with warmth. My skin feels itchy at the prospect. I’m not ready to see them all and to be asked how I’m doing. I take a deep breath and brace myself in anticipation, waiting for their attention to turn to me.

“Ace!”

My heart constricts at the familiar voice, and I turn to see Sharon. Her eyes are glassy with tears, but her familiar smile is prominent as she takes the last few steps toward me and wraps me in one of her hugs, one arm securely sitting in the middle of my back and the other at the base of my neck. It feels maternal and comforting, like she knows I’m hurting right now. I don’t know if she realizes that part of it is due to her son or not, but she seems to realize my pain all the same and holds me tighter, drowning out the voices around us.