When she ran off after the body shot, I chased her. It wasn’t until I reached the cabana she’d hidden herself in that I realized I should have let her go. I didn’t know why I couldn’t let her go. I was a selfish asshole who knew she deserved better, but I wouldn’t walk away. When she asked me to look at her, I almost caved. I wanted more than anything to stare into those brown eyes and forget reality. But what she would have given to me in those eyes was something I couldn’t have.

I knew she would stand by me, I knew she wouldn’t leave, so I said the one thing that would push her away. I told her that she was just another girl. It still twisted me up that I said that. She wasn’t another girl and never would be. She was the one I’ve dreamed of.

“Dumbass.” Blue pulled out a cigarette, and I knocked it out of his hand onto the ground with my Spidey reflexes. He stared at me. I stared ahead.

“No smoking. And I picked up some of your meds. They’re in my car.” I went to the pharmacy on my way back from meeting with the realtor this morning.

Blue cursed under his breath. “This is why I didn’t want you knowin’, Marilyn. You don’t have to take care of me, son.” He slapped his hand on my shoulder.

“You’re my family.” I looked at him straight on. “I’m taking care of you.”

“Well, that pretty little girl could be your family someday too, if you want her.” Yeah, I want her. “So stop being a dumbass and take care of her first. I’m not going anywhere, son, but she doesn’t have to stay and put up with your shit.”

“You don’t get it.” I sighed, kicking my shoes on the step.

“Don’t get what? Don’t get that you have the woman you’ve been waiting for, that you thought never existed? Don’t get how scary it is to find something so special, and be scared as fuck that it can just go away?”

“Well, yeah.” I kicked a rock and watched it bounce down the stairs.

“Don’t get that you think she’s too good for ya? That no way could she want a sorry son of a bitch like yourself?”

“Yeah,” I huffed watching the rock fall into a crack in the sidewalk.

“Took me a long time to figure out that no amount of money can take care of a woman right. That entire garage is full of all the crap I can’t let go of because it reminds me of the woman I lost figuring that out too late.”

“What?” I tore my eyes away from the rock and looked at Blue. He’d never mentioned a woman in his life before. Sure, we teased him at the shop about his old days as a player, but he’d always just laugh along.

“I had a good woman once. Joined the Army thinking I could take care of her. Didn’t expect to be sent off to war. Didn’t expect to leave her alone. I wrote her a letter and broke it off. I wanted her to find a man who was there for her physically, not just taking care of her with money.”

“Did you love her?” I asked him, but I wasn’t sure why.

“Course I did. Loved her more than my fuckin’ self. That’s the sorry excuse I used when I pushed her away, too.”

Blue took out another cigarette. I let him smoke this one. “So did she wait for you?”

“Fuck no. She did exactly what I thought I wanted her to do. Fell in love with some top-notch guy and had babies. She’s still married while my sorry ass hasn’t ever let her go. Can’t. She still has my heart.” He took one deep drag then tossed the cigarette to the ground and stomped it out right over my rock.

Shit, that would be me. There had never been another girl for me than Capri, and there never would be.

“Look, son, take it from me. You don’t wanna push her so far away that she runs into another man’s arms. You want her in yours.” He leaned into his elbow and coughed.

“I do.” I agreed with him. I wanted her in my arms all the time forever and ever. “But—”

“Ah…” Blue held his hand up to me. “Enough of the bitchin’ and moanin’ about not being good enough and let me tell you something else about women. You never tell them what to think. If she says you’re worth it, then dammit, Marilyn, you sure as hell are.” He clapped me on the back then stood up.

“Lemme have my legal drugs,” he mumbled and shuffled toward my car but stopped halfway there. “She smart?” he called back behind him.

“What?” I asked standing to catch up to him.

“Your lady. She smart?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “So much smarter than anyone I’ve ever known.”

“Even you?” He looked smirked back at me.

“Do balls sweat in the summer?” Of course.

“There ya have it,” he tossed back.

The radio gods have spoken. Those assholes made me listen to Radiohead’s “Creep” the whole way home. I got it, radio gods. I was a jackass and had probably completely messed up the best thing to happen to me.

I still wasn’t convinced that I was the kind of man Capri should have, but after talking to Blue, one thing was for sure. I couldn’t handle the thought of her with someone else, and if that made me selfish, then so be it. I just wanted her happy, and I was pretty sure my happiness making skills were off the charts, though, obviously not lately. Shit, I’d wrecked her. I saw it in the way her body dragged when she left me in the cabana. All I wanted was what was best for her, and what I thought was the right thing to do had made the worst of her.

I parked my car in front of August’s truck outside of my complex. It didn’t surprise me that he was here, but I did dry heave at the condition of his truck. Has he never heard of a drive-thru carwash?

“I’m an asshole, I know.” I kept my head down and held my hand up, unlocking my door.

“I’m glad we got that out of the way,” he grumbled following me in. “What the hell happened in here?” he then shouted.

“Dude, tone it down.” I tucked my keys away into the new organizer I got from The Container Store two days ago. This week alone, I bought new storage containers for my video games along with labels, a wall organizer for my keys and other shit I didn’t have yet, a closet system for the hall closet so the different sized towels had their own homes, and awesome new food storage containers that I also labeled. My days of filling my cereal bowls with rice were over.

“Well, I came by to beat the crap out of you.” I laughed at that. The only time August and I had ever fought, I punched him in the face, he punched me in the ear, and then we had a beer. “Clearly, you’ve been doing that to yourself already.”

“What are you talking about?” I took off my shoes and put them into the caddy by the door. Yeah, I got one of those, too.

“All this.” He waved around at my immaculate abode. “You’re trying to get control of something, and I’m willing to bet it’s how you feel about my sister.”

“I already know how I feel about your sister.” I went to the kitchen and dug out a beer. I held one out to August, but he reached over and grabbed a bottle of water instead.

“Then what’s the problem?” he asked jumping up to sit on my counter. Sick.

“Dude, get your ass off my counter!” I gave him a shove, sending him stumbling to the floor again. “You’re looking at the problem.” I stretched my arms out wide so he could get a good look. Then I turned around and popped my butt at him giving it a little jiggle.

“Get your ass out of my face.” He shoved me and sent me stumbling into the fridge. Touché. “And what do you mean I’m looking at the problem?” I asked leaning onto my cabinets.

“C’mon, Augie, you can’t honestly say I’m the kind of guy you want your baby sister with.” I took a sip from my beer and leaned a hand onto my counter.

“I can honestly say I never expected Capri to fall for you.” There it was. He and I were on the same page. “But you are exactly the kind of guy I’d want to see her with.” Nix that. Different pages.