Lifting away from her and shifting to sit back on his legs, Jon moved his hands down her body, hooking his thumbs in her panties and shoving them down her thighs. She kicked them away and watched hungrily as he did the same, releasing his heavy erection, as he fell forward on top of her as though he’d missed the feel of her body in the few short moments they’d spent apart. Patti brought her legs back up and settled them around his hips, locking her heels against the backs of his powerful thighs. Her bra went next, cast away like an offensive rag.

A low growl ripped from his throat as Jon lowered his chest to hers, pressing them so tight together that not even a whisper of air would be permitted to linger.

Patti. Couldn’t. Breathe.

It wasn’t that he was crushing her. His weight on top of her felt incredible.

It wasn’t that he was hurting her. She was pretty sure anything he did to her was going to be fucking amazing. Emphasis on the fucking.

It wasn’t that she was panicking. There was nowhere she would rather be in that moment.

It was because she needed him to make love to her more than she needed her next breath.

And every languid touch and caress, and the very taste of her skin, was only prolonging the inevitable.

“Jon,” Patti huffed against his neck, and then stuck her tongue out to lick the corded muscles. “Please,” she begged. “Now. Please. I need you.” She lifted her hips, tilting her pelvis to give him a deeper cradle and welcome him inside. The tip of his cock prodded her entrance, but he held himself away from her, refusing to give her what she wanted. “Please.”

Jon’s arms tightened around her, squeezing her breaths out of her almost painfully. His body shook with tension. Then without a word, he rolled away, taking his weight and his warmth with him, leaving Patti cold, confused, and abandoned. He lay beside her, his arm tossed over his eyes, his breathing labored. Between his legs, his cock stood proudly, so why wasn’t he using it?

“Jon,” Patti asked, concerned. She reached out to him, and hesitated, her hand hovering in the air, afraid to touch him in case he bolted like a wild animal. She wasn’t sure what had caused the sudden shift in his behavior, and it worried her. Had she done something wrong? Should she leave after all?

“Are you okay?” she whispered. The air felt thick, stale, and oppressive, swallowing her words. She couldn’t help feeling like there was something seriously wrong going on.

Jon’s chest rose with a deep inhalation, and he blew it out slowly. “I’m sorry, Patti. I don’t think I can do this.”

His words were like a slap in the face, and Patti’s first instinct was to get angry. But more than anything, she wanted an explanation. “Okay,” she croaked, feeling humiliated. Here she was, practically throwing herself at him, and now he was rejecting her? Fan-flipping-tastic. “Did I do something wrong?”

He dropped his arm and pinned her with wide eyes. “Fuck no. Don’t ever think that.” Grabbing her around the waist, he pulled her down to him.

Patti went easily. As dejected as she felt at that moment, she wanted to be close to him. To have him soothe her.

His fingers bit into the top of her arm. He held her so tightly, she thought he might never let go. Looping her arm around his stomach, Patti rested her head against his chest, listening to the heavy heart beating underneath.

Worry continued to eat at her, but just being there, with him, like this, was enough to reassure her, however little, that whatever was going on had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him. It gave her a small ray of hope that they might be able to get past it together.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked him. He opened his mouth, then shut it, and opened it again as though struggling to find the right words. Patti braced herself, her next breath being trapped in her throat as she waited.

“It’s not that I don’t want you,” he began, his voice tight. “I do. So much I have to take cold showers several times a day just to take the edge off.”

A small smile pricked at her lips. “Haven’t you…you know.” She let her hand trail softly down his stomach, but before she reached her destination, Jon seized her hand in his and brought it to his lips.

“I’ve done…you know,” he said meaningfully, “enough times to make myself go blind.”

Patti’s shoulders shook with laughter and she tilted her head back to look at him. “Then what’s wrong?”

He held her hand against his chest, his thumb rubbing back and forth across her knuckles. He looked down at their joined hands, and frowned. “You don’t know who I am, Patricia.”

“Then tell me,” she urged, lifting herself on to her elbow so she could look down at him.

A pair of sad blue eyes met hers, and Patti felt her heart squeeze painfully in her chest. There was so much emotion swimming in them, and she couldn’t begin to fathom what could have put it there.

“If I tell you, you’ll change your mind about being with me.” The surety in his voice dropped like a stone in her stomach.

“Well, I doubt that, but we’ll never know unless you tell me.” Draping herself over him so her leg twined with his, her elbows resting on either side of his head, she combed his hair back and looked him straight in the eyes. “I need you, Jon. I need you so bad my every cell aches for you.” She nuzzled her nose against his and breathed in his intoxicating scent. “Tell me so we can fix it.”

One arm came around her, holding her in place, while his other hand explored her curves. He skimmed the back of her arm, trailed lightly down her spine, and when he reached her ass, he gripped one cheek, pulling her in tighter so her clit scraped deliciously across his leg.

“I fuck up everything,” he said quietly, burying his face in her neck, concealing himself with the curtain of her long, blonde hair. “I’ve hurt people. I’ve ruined lives…” Pain, deep and profound, laced each of his words, touching Patti so deeply, that she felt the back of her throat begin to thicken and burn.

Kissing his forehead and temple, she repeated every one of his tender touches, lingering at his skin, hoping he would feel the sorrow inside of her.

What was this man doing to her? Never in her life had she experienced such an immediate, visceral reaction to anyone. She’d always been able to keep her head and her heart separate, but with Jon, it seemed impossible. There wasn’t a single part of her that this man didn’t touch.

It was both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

“We’ve all hurt someone,” she told him, kissing his lips softly. “We’ve all been hurt. It’s a fact of life that you can’t escape.”

“It’s not that simple,” he protested.

Pressing a finger to his lips, Patti silenced him. “It is that simple. You just have to learn to forgive yourself, and everything else will fall into place.”

“Is that what you do?” he asked, his brows pulling together. But to Patti, it didn’t sound like a true question. It was more like a hopeful challenge.

“I try,” she said sincerely. “If I dwelled on every single mistake I made in life, I wouldn’t have one. I’d never be happy.” She pressed a kiss to his face, over the tiny lines marring his forehead. “And I want to be happy.” Right then, the thing that would make her most happy was if he’d make love to her. By his slackening muscles, she sensed that she might be getting through to him, which was well worth a victory dance.

“Do you want to be happy?” she asked him, pausing to study his expression.

He peered up at her, his blue eyes intense, and she could practically see the war being waged in his mind. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he nodded. “Yeah, I want to be happy,” he said pulling her face down to his.

In one deft move, Jon flipped her on her back. His hand found the back of her knee and drew her leg up, tucking it under his arm so that it nearly touched her chest. Then he slid inside her slick, wet heat, burying himself as far as he could go.