“If anyone freezes my underwear I’ll beat the shit out of you.” Though Tyler looked more amused than pissed.

Jayden’s response was to flip his brother off. I figured that was as good of a comeback as any, so I followed suit. Jayden and I met eyes and laughed.

“I like you,” he told me, expression honest and guileless.

I can’t even begin to say how much that wiggled inside my heart and pleased me. I’d never thought of myself as particularly sentimental, but Jayden’s open approval made me feel awesome. Normally I avoided hugs and casual contact at all costs, but I found myself reaching out and actually initiating a hug with Jayden, pulling him close. “I like you, too.”

It was a toss-up who was the most surprised—me, Jayden, or Tyler.

Easton wasn’t paying attention. He was resting his head on the table and tracing his finger over the cookie jar, speaking quietly to the Mystery Machine.

And maybe for the first time in my whole life I felt protective.

So I turned and poured myself a huge mug of coffee.

That night I sat in my sublet apartment and tried to concentrate on the TV. When I had seen the apartment, I had liked that two girls lived there and were clean, their furniture pretty and shabby chic, the dishes in the kitchen matching. But now with my suitcases tucked away in the one free bedroom, it felt frilly and too perfect, and empty.

Lonely.

The girl, Maggie, who lived in the other bedroom, was already in bed. It was midnight, and I was still keyed up from work, and worried about the social worker’s visit the next day. But I knew I couldn’t text Riley because he would be asleep. So I had nothing to do but sit there wide awake and stress out.

My phone buzzed with a text message. Riley.

U awake?

Yes. U ok?

No. Can’t sleep.

It’s going to b ok, promise.

Wish u were here Pita.

That made me inhale sharply, a giddy thrill. It was a new feeling. Usually if a guy said that, I laughed or rolled my eyes, knowing he was just talking about sex.

But this had nothing to do with sex.

Me too.

Then I shocked myself by adding, Pick me up?

Just three little words that hung out there, making me feel as stripped down and vulnerable as I ever had. How selfish and stupid and pathetic was that request?

He had a social worker coming the next day. He didn’t need to be dealing with me. And why would he want to get out of bed, drive over to my place, and bring me back just to lay in bed together? I knew he wouldn’t want to have sex. It so wasn’t the right time for that, especially for our first time together.

Panicked, I was going to add a “haha” to make it seem like I was joking. But he responded before I could.

Be there in ten.

Huh.

K.

So I stuffed a change of clothes in my purse, along with my toothpaste and deodorant, and went downstairs to the lobby to wait for him. He was actually there in nine minutes and I pushed open the door to the building and climbed in. “Hey,” I said, a little breathless from running down the stairs and from nerves.

“Hey.” He leaned over and slid his hand to the back of my head before kissing me. “Thanks.” Resting his forehead on mine, he sighed.

“For what?”

“Coming back.”

I liked the sound of that, like my leaving had been a big deal. “You might change your mind when you see me in the morning without makeup.”

He gave a soft laugh and pulled away, putting the car in drive. “I doubt that. You’re beautiful, and I’m going to keep telling you that until you believe me.”

“Okay,” I agreed. I was down with that. “Twice on Sundays would be great.”

“Brat.”

For some weird reason, I reached out and rested my hand on the back of his neck, stroking up into his hair. I had no idea why I was having such a touchy-feely day, but he seemed to like it. “What time is the social worker coming?”

“Ten. I think I scared Easton. I was trying to prepare him, coach him, you know? I was giving him examples of questions she might ask him and how he should answer and he started crying. Then he denied it and locked himself in his room.”

“Well, you had to tell him what was going on. And of course he’s scared. You’re all scared. But he’ll tell the truth and it will be fine.” I massaged his neck, feeling the tension in his muscles. “I mean, it’s sad to say, but since your mom passed, there hasn’t been any drama in the house. What could he say that would damage your case?”

“I don’t know. What if he drops an F bomb or something?”

“I doubt that will be the first time a social worker hears a kid swearing.”

He sighed. “I guess I can speculate all fucking night. Nothing can be done about it. This paper pusher has me by the balls. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Riley reached for a cigarette from the half-empty pack by the gearshift.

I didn’t even consider complaining about the smoke. Let him have that. It was better than the whiskey escape of the other night.

“What do you want to talk about then? I can recite a poem for you if you’d like.”

“You do not know any poems by heart.”

He had a point. “You’re right. I don’t. But I do know Bible verses.”

“Oh, God.”

“Exactly.”

Riley laughed. “I guess that makes you a good preacher’s daughter.”

“Good is a loose, all-encompassing term.”

“Do you believe in God?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious, taking a drag on his just lit cigarette.

“Yes. I just don’t believe in using religion as an excuse to hate or exclude others, or as a self-righteous shield.” I had thought a lot about the hypocrisy of religions, or rather of the people who professed to practice it. It didn’t sit well with me that you could claim yourself a devout Christian, then plot revenge on your neighbor for their dog destroying your flower garden. And that was on the small end of the scale.

“I don’t know what I believe.” The smoke rose in front of his features, his eyes troubled, jaw set.

“You believe in your brothers.”

“Yeah. I do.” Riley pulled into his driveway and turned off the car. He looked at me. “I know that my life as it is right now is how it will always be. I’m cool with that. But I want better for them.”

I nodded. “I know.” I did. I could see his sincerity. Knew that he lived his life to take care of everyone else but himself. Until Tyler had gotten arrested, most of Riley’s income had gone to pay Tyler’s tuition. It had been their plan to secure Tyler a decent paying job. But then their mother had dicked them over by planting her drugs on Tyler to avoid her own arrest.

It was clear Riley wasn’t really sure how to adjust to the new reality, how to create a new plan. I didn’t know what my plan was either. We totally had that in common, though his stakes were way higher. Mine were just my own future, not the responsibility of other human beings.

“Sometimes I picture the future my parents want for me, and I feel like I’m drowning,” I told him. “But I guess I deal with it by telling myself to just live now.”

“What future do your parents want for you?”

“Arm candy for a junior minister. Social coordinator for the church. Donation solicitor.”

His eyebrows shot up. “For real?”

I nodded. “I’m double majoring in Religious Studies and Interior Design. Their call, not mine. I get to chose my husband, but only from a church member.”

“Holy shit.” He looked astonished. “Then what are you doing here with me?”

“Living in the now.” I wanted him to understand, to hear what no one had ever heard. “I won’t be able to do it, you know. I’ll fail. At some point, I will be kicked out by my family. It’s just a matter of when, of when they figure out that I can never be good enough. Pure enough.”

“They’ll really cut you off?”