I had found passion with Phoenix.

Now I wanted to find passion within myself.

It was a start.

“Anybody home?” I called, yanking open the screen door to my cousins’ house and heading in. I hadn’t been there in almost a week and I wanted to pay Riley or Tyler the rest of the money I owed them for my cell phone.

Jessica was lying on the couch with a handheld mister in her hand directed straight at her face. “Hey,” she said, sounding listless.

“Hey. If you’re hot why don’t you go in the bedroom?” I asked. “I thought it has AC.”

“It broke.” The look she gave me was one of such pure agony, I was secretly just a little bit amused.

“Shit. That sucks.” I imagine if I were still staying there I’d be bitching, too, but I was over at Robin’s with central air. Jessica’s expression was entertaining, but I felt some sympathy. “I’m here to pay Riley back so maybe he can buy a new window unit.”

“He says it’s impractical to buy one until next year, because it’s only going to be hot for a few more weeks. I know he’s right, but that doesn’t make it suck any less to be sitting here sweating.”

“True that. Where are the boys?”

“Easton and Jayden are in the backyard on the Slip’N Slide. Riley is taking a cold shower because I refuse to have sex when it’s this hot. Tyler is working out in the basement because he is insane.”

Now I did smile a little. Jessica had a gift for melodrama and she was funny, even I could admit it. “Okay then, thanks.”

“Where’s Robin?”

“She’s at a club meeting.”

“What kind of club?” Jessica frowned.

“Digital arts. I don’t know what they do, honestly. She just joined it.” I lifted my hand. “Catch you later. I need to talk to Tyler then run.” Robin and I had plans for the night, plans that made me want to punch the bag in the basement with Tyler.

He was actually on the ground doing push-ups, and when I jogged down the stairs, I dropped in line behind him and did forty myself.

Tyler went onto his side, breathing hard. “Slow down, fuck, you’re killing me.”

“You don’t have to keep up,” I told him, popping off another ten, loving the burn, the sweat that beaded on my forehead.

“I’m out. No thanks.” He rolled on his side hands on his knees. “What has you so twitchy?”

I finished and jumped up, bouncing on my heels, and headed straight for the bag, landing a punch. “Two things. First of all, I brought the rest of the money I owe you. I’m not tatting customers yet myself, but I’m doing okay at the shop and hopefully in a few months I can afford my needle to start building a client list.”

“That’s cool. And thanks for paying us back so fast.”

“Sure. Now the other thing . . . I guess I need to hear what you think.” I was uncomfortable and I nailed a right hook harder. It felt like I was asking for support or involving them in my messy bullshit. But I did want to hear what his opinion was.

“Okay.”

“So when I was in, I had a bit of a partnership with a few guys, and we all watched each other’s backs. One time, this dude came at me with a fork from behind and I didn’t see it. He was going right for the base of my skull and he could have killed me, but Davis took him down for me. So I owe this guy. And now he wants to collect.” I was out of breath from boxing, but I didn’t want to look at my cousin. All I wanted to do was hit the bag, over and over, until this problem resolved itself.

“Yeah? What does he want? Money? Offer him a deal . . . tattoo him for free or something.”

If only he wanted money. “He wants me to run his drugs for him.”

“What? Fuck that!” Tyler sounded furious.

“I know. You know I would never do that. Not in a million goddamn years. He wants me though, because he knows I won’t steal supply from him.” Bam. My knuckles split open, and blood rolled down my fingers and the back of my hand. “But the problem is, I ran into him and Robin was with me. He knows what she looks like.”

“Does he know where she lives?” Tyler’s voice had gotten hard, and I knew why. Rory lived there, too.

“No.” Left, right, left, right. I punched in a perfect mesmerizing rhythm, shoulders tight, sweat dripping in my eyes, blood chugging over my flesh, the sound hypnotic. I knew the second I broke rhythm because I did it on purpose. The bag nailed me in the chin with a burst of pain, my jaw jamming upward, knocking my teeth into my tongue. My vision went blurry for a split second.

I spit blood out of my mouth onto the bottom of my shirt, wiping the remnants with my forearm, and finally stepping back to look at Tyler. I stood with my hands on my hips, catching my breath.

“Dude,” he said. “You okay?”

“Fine. So what do you think I should do?”

“How pissed is he going to be?”

“I don’t know. I mean, you know a guy in there, doesn’t mean he’s the same out here.” That’s what scared me. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but he was a dealer. You had to have a certain disregard for other people to be in the business.

“That’s true.” Tyler looked like he wished to hell he didn’t know that. “Why don’t you feel him out, offer him something else you think he might want?”

“The problem is, I don’t know what he would want. And if I ask him, I tip my hand.”

“Just put him off for a day or two and we’ll figure something out.” Tyler stood up. “Now go get a towel, you’re bleeding all over the place.”

“Am I?” I glanced down at my hand, then wiped my bleeding chin. “I didn’t notice.”

Tyler scrutinized me. “You care about her a lot, don’t you?”

That was a freaking understatement. “Yeah. I do. And if anything happens to her because of me . . .” I couldn’t stop myself from clenching my fists. “I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Nothing is going to happen to her. This guy is just trying to get something for nothing. He’s not crazy enough to start real shit with you.”

Tyler might be right, but I was worried. I couldn’t help it. Being with Robin . . . it was the best thing to ever happen to me. She made me feel calm, happy. Important. I wanted to be the best thing for her, too, not the worst.

“It just feels like we can never leave it all behind, you know?” I said. “The drugs, the bullshit, it will always follow us.”

“Heard from your mom?” he asked.

“No, just that one phone call.” As usual, I had mixed feelings about that. “I don’t want Robin to meet her. I know that’s selfish, but I don’t.”

“Look, I get where you’re coming from.” Tyler wiped his forehead with his arm. “I worry about dragging Rory into our family drama. I mean, she deserves better, right? But at the same time, I figure she is choosing to be with me, so I have to trust that. You have to trust that Robin wants to be with you.”

Easier fucking said than done. “I don’t think we were raised to trust.”

“Nope.” He grinned. “We weren’t raised to talk about our feelings either and look at us . . . a couple of girls sharing.”

“Do you want to be hit?” I asked him, but I wasn’t really pissed. It was our default setting. When we got uncomfortable with our feelings, we joked around or got aggressive.

“You punch me, I will make you eat concrete.”

I grinned. That could be entertaining, going a round with Tyler. He might even give me a run for my money, but he couldn’t beat me. I had more control and a little more crazy than he did. “No fucking chance.”

“Dude.” Tyler started laughing. “You have blood on your teeth. That is disgusting.”

“Shit.” I wiped at my mouth, trying to run my tongue over my teeth. “Is it gone? I’m supposed to be going to some party with the sober club that Robin joined.” I was actually terrified. What the fuck did I have to say to a bunch of college students?

His eyebrows shot up. “The sober club? What the hell is that?”

“It’s a bunch of students who don’t drink getting together for stuff. Tonight is acoustic night at the coffee shop and I told her I would go. She’s trying to make new friends.” The thought made me frown. “Personally, I don’t see the point. But it seems important to her.”