I throw my fist into the punching bag, slamming the bag away from me, letting a growl rip through my chest.

How can one small, argumentative girl be getting to me so much? It’s infuriating. Annoying. Sexy. Frustrating as hell. I’m fucked. Actually, that was the problem. I wasn’t. I couldn’t concentrate on other girls until I had Taylor. She was like a drug to me. I’d had one small taste and it was nowhere near enough. I was torn in between breaking all my rules about not messing around with younger girls and pursuing her whole-heartedly until she said yes. To me. To everything I wanted.

But as I’d spent more time with her, become friends with her, confided in her about my mom, I knew I couldn’t use her like that. Which made this all the more maddening. There was no way out.

I couldn’t go on acting like a pussy-whipped fool. I had to get her out of system. And I knew of only one way to do that.

My tension faded almost instantly having made that decision. Good. It was settled. I would have Taylor. Soon. Or I’d go crazy. 

Chapter 29

MJ pushes up her sleeve. “I think a nice little saying or symbol. Right here.” She touches her wrist. MJ’s been talking about getting a tattoo for the past week and a half.

“Bad idea,” Logan says. “They’re permanent, in case you hadn’t heard. Whatever you like now, you’re not going to like when you’re forty.”

“He’s got a point.” I back Logan up, even though I know there’s no talking MJ out of something she wants.  I toss another handful of candy into my mouth. Logan’s mom sent yet another care package, this one filled with every type of candy imaginable and of course he’s sharing with us.

MJ’s head swivels to the door, mid-bite of a large chocolate bar.

“What?” I turn and follow her gaze.

Colt’s striding through the center of the cafeteria, heading straight for our table, his eyes locked on mine, completely unaware of all the others watching him.

He stops at our table, still looking at me.

“Um, hi.” I give a little half wave, my cheeks bursting with fruity candy.

He nods. “Hi. What’s with all the candy?”

Logan holds out a selection of candy bars to him. “Take one. Please. My mom smothers me, treats me like I’m five. She needs to back off.” He rolls his eyes.

Hurt flashes across Colt’s face. “No thanks.”

I have the sudden urge to reach out and take his hand, but of course I don’t. That would just be weird. I swallow down the lump of candy.

“MJ wants to get a tattoo,” Logan explains, motioning to MJ who’s now got her shirt pushed down off her shoulder, inspecting the space there.

“Colt would you ever get one?” she asks, pulling her shirt back into place.

“How do you know I don’t already have one?” he asks.

MJ laughs. “Because something tells me you’re too much of a pretty boy to get inked.”

“I’ve thought about it.” He leans against the side of the table and I have to will my eyes not to travel down the length of his body. “Down here.” He touches just below his belt buckle. Holy God, focus, Taylor. Focus! “I’d get something that says, ‘Thanks for visiting. Come again soon.’”

The table erupts in laughter. But I’m rendered speechless.

“Classy, Colt. Even for you, that’s pretty bad,” MJ scolds.

“Hey, I’ve never had an unsatisfied customer. And in case I forget to say thank you, it’d be covered.” He’s looking at me again.

Gross. “Do you have any respect for women? They’re not your customers,” I say, not bothering to hide the unease I feel.

“I have nothing but respect. I make sure a lady is treated right when she’s with me.”

“So you don’t buy into the notion that the female orgasm doesn’t exist,” Logan asks, his voice scientific and professional.

“Myth,” Colt says absently, reaching down to steal a lollipop that discarded on the edge of my plate. “And I have a few tricks up my sleeve,” he says, looking thoughtfully at the sucker.

I roll my eyes. This conversation needs to end. Now.

“Don’t listen to Logan, he’s afraid of girls as it is,” MJ says.

Logan gives her a look that’s the visual equivalent of stepping in gum.

Colt pops the sucker in his mouth and pats MJ on the top of her head like she’s four years old and just done something amusing. “Okay, kiddos, see you in class.” But before turning away, he bends down near my ear, removing the sucker. “If you’re free tonight, I thought maybe you could come by. We could watch a movie or something before you go away on break.” His breath smells of the strawberry sucker and I want to turn to him and taste it on his lips.

Before I have a chance to answer, Colt strolls away, leaving me looking after him with both intrigue and disgust. I am so screwed. 

Chapter 30

I’m a man on a mission, tossing dirty clothes in the basket in my closet, picking up stray socks, making my bed, even dusting with an old T-shirt. I don’t know the last time I dusted my room. Probably never. I search through a box in my closet. I know I have some candles in here somewhere. Finally I locate them.

Three thick white candles. A gift from a girl I hardly remember. A blonde I think. Jillian? Jenna? It doesn’t matter. I line the candles up on my dresser, the matches set beside them. Then I go to take a shower.

After a lengthy shower, I’m relaxed and spend time online searching for just the right movie. I find one about computer hackers, chuckling to myself and wondering if Taylor’s seen it. Probably not since it’s several years old.

I pay the small fee and download it on my computer. I check the clock again. I know Taylor’s finished with dinner by now. I decide to go and scrounge up some snacks for our movie night, and a diet Coke for Taylor. She won’t be able to resist me and all my careful planning. Girls are suckers for that shit.

Tonight will be perfect.

Several hours later, I’ve eaten all the snacks, burned the candles down to nubs and replayed through my mind all the things I wanted to do her about six times. She must have changed her mind about coming. It’s not like I really waited for her to answer me when I asked, er, told her to come. But that would have worked with most girls. They liked being told what to do. They claimed they didn’t like that macho bullshit, but from what I’d seen, they always responded well.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand. I glance at the caller ID. It’s Yes, aka Samantha. I don’t answer. Thirty minutes later, it buzzes two more times. I pick it up and text her back. I can’t escape what I am. And Taylor’s refusal to come here tonight affirms I shouldn’t even bother trying.

Chapter 31

The halls are deserted, many people having already left for summer break, but my parents are coming to get me tomorrow, since the drive is too long to make on a weeknight after work.

Colt’s offer to come by his room after dinner has been weighing on my mind since lunch. I wanted to hang out and watch a movie, but I’d convinced myself that was a bad idea, and instead spent the evening alone in the computer lab, messing around online, chatting with friends on the hacking sites and message boards I liked, which was always a good distraction.

Around midnight, my eyes are burning from staring at the computer screen for the past six hours. I wonder what Colt’s doing and if he’s still up. I wonder how long he waited before realizing I wasn’t coming. I’m starting to feel bad that I didn’t show. I glance at the clock again wondering if he’s still awake.