“What was your idea?” I asked.

“Tampon Tammy! She shoots giant tampons from her stinky skunk trunk while fighting the forces of evil.”

“You don’t mean Tammy Lemons, that bitchy girl at the last staff meeting? The one with the hipster glasses?”

“I totally mean her,” Romeo said conspiratorially.

“Oh, Romeo, we can’t do that. She’ll hate us more than she already does.”

“Maybe you’re right,” he sighed. “But if she’s a bitch today at the meeting, I’m totally going to propose the idea to everyone.”

“Please don’t,” I begged.

“Please don’t what?” Justin Tomlinson said, falling into step with us.

“Hey, Justin,” I smiled nervously. I hoped he hadn’t heard Romeo’s idea.

“I was just telling Sam—” Romeo blurted.

I cut him off, “How much fun we’ve been having working on ideas for The Wombat.”

Justin frowned, “How does that follow from ‘Please don’t’?”

“Uhhh…” I stammered.

“Please don’t tell Justin how awesome he is for letting us sit in with you guys,” Romeo said, saving me.

Justin smiled and nodded as we walked down the stairs running beside the stepped fountain that led down to the Student Center quad. “Thanks. You guys are both pretty awesome yourselves. Most everybody loves what you guys are coming up with.”

“Most everybody?” Romeo asked.

I shot Romeo a “shut the fuck up” glare. I knew he was thinking of Tammy.

“Well, I just meant that…” Justin sounded put on the spot.

“We know what you meant,” I smiled.

The three of us walked up to the two tables already occupied by Keith, Micah, Alyssa, and Tammy.

“Hey guys,” Justin said, lowering his book bag onto the table top as we all sat down.

“Well, if it isn’t Romiet and Julio,” Tammy Lemons sniveled.

Great. Maybe Romeo had been right. Was Tammy saying I was mannish by calling me Julio?

Romeo arched an eyebrow at me, then turned to Justin, “Justin, I have a great idea for a new comic strip. Want to hear about it?”

Gulp.

“Let’s hear it,” Keith smiled.

“Well,” Romeo smiled a Cheshire grin, “it’s about OW!!”

I had kicked Romeo’s shin under the table.

“Ow?” Micah asked. “What’s that?”

“Owl! I meant Owl!” Romeo said.

“An owl?” Alyssa asked doubtfully.

“Yes!” Romeo yelled. “It’s, uh, about Obie, the OB/GYN Owl! He’s a real hoot for the coot!”

“Hoot for the coot?” Micah snickered.

“And instead of figuring out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, he figures out how many licks it takes to make Tootsie, as played by Dustin Hoffman in the movie of the same name, get off! Get it? Tootsie Pop?”

“Dude, how high are you?” underbeard Keith asked with an amazed grin on his face.

“I want to smoke whatever he’s been smoking,” emo Micah smiled.

“I have to admit,” Justin grinned at Romeo, “it has potential.”

“Potential to suck,” Tammy sneered.

Wow, Tammy was sourballs.

“I have another idea,” Romeo said, glaring at Tammy.

“Let’s hear it,” Micah said.

“It’s called Tah—HEY!”

I had kicked him under the table again.

“Tah-HEY?” Keith asked. “I can’t wait to hear where he goes with this one.”

“Yeah, Romeo,” I growled, “I can’t wait either.” The last thing I wanted to do was make things with Tammy worse. I already had Tiffany on my case. I didn’t need Tammy too.

Romeo shook his head and glared at me, “I tah-hotally forgot.”

“All right,” Justin said, “maybe it will come back to you later. I wanted to tell everyone that I’ve finally got all the votes back for our new Wombat mascot artwork. It was a close race.” He pulled two pieces of paper out of his book bag and set them on the table side by side. One was a copy of one of my drawings of the Wombat. And the other, wow, the other was really good.

It showed a wombat holding a baseball bat over one shoulder. The bat was cracked in half and the big end dangled from the handle by a sliver. In the wombat’s other hand was a huge beer mug with foam frothing out the top of the glass. He had the SDU logo branded into his chest fur like on cattle. Next to him was a man lying on the ground, knocked out cold. He was obviously a professor because there was a chalkboard with chemistry equations on it behind him and a piece of chalk sticking out of one hand and an eraser in the other. A huge lump rose up from his forehead and cartoon birds circled it with musical notes coming out of their mouths like they were chirping.

It was fantastic, even if Tammy had drawn it.

“And the winner is—” Justin said.

Tammy? I was totally sure she had won. I would’ve picked hers over mine.

Micah drummed the table with his fingertips.

“—Samantha!” Justin finished.

What?

“Congratulations, Sam!” Romeo said.

Tammy folded her arms across her chest and scowled.

Romeo gave her a snooty look.

“Romeo,” I whispered, “don’t.”

Justin smiled, “We all loved your art, Tammy, but most of us agreed we’d never get it past administration. Violence to SDU professors is not their favorite subject matter.”

Tammy frowned, “Getting stoned while taking a dump is?” She was referring to my drawing.

Justin shrugged his shoulders, “The vote still went to Samantha.”

Tammy rolled her eyes, “Whatever.”

“Samantha,” Justin said, “your drawing will now be on the front cover of the next issue of The Wombat. It’ll also go at the top of our webpage. Everyone is going to see it.”

“What?” I smiled. I couldn’t believe it. I really hoped Justin hadn’t rigged the vote because he was into me, because Tammy’s art was truly incredible.

“We loved your art,” Alyssa said to me.

“Yeah, a bunch of the other staff were bonkers for your drawing of Potty,” Keith smiled.

“I think we should make T shirts that say ‘Potty for President’,” Micah grinned.

Tammy’s mouth sagged with disgust.

It was hard to enjoy my victory when it came at the expense of someone else. I wanted to tell Tammy I was sorry, but somehow that seemed inconsiderate. “Tammy, I really like your drawing. It’s really good.”

She spat, “So why don’t you withdraw yours and we’ll use mine?”

I opened my mouth, wanting to say something supportive, but couldn’t think of anything. I closed it in frustration.

“Maybe we should open the vote up to the readers?” Alyssa suggested tentatively.

Keith and Micah gave noncommittal shrugs.

Justin nodded thoughtfully, “If we can get administration to approve Tammy’s art, I don’t see why not?”

A smug smile curled across Tammy’s lips.

Wow, way for her to steal my thunder. Maybe me and Romeo needed to write the Tampon Tammy comic strip after all. I would make the character look exactly like her so no one would wonder who it was supposed to be about. She totally had the face of a vajay-jay.

Groanballs.

“Do I get to have a closed set,” I asked Christos, “like they do in the movies when they’re shooting a sex scene?” I stood in my bathrobe in our painting studio. Which I thought of as ours all the time now, even though Spiridon owned the house.

“We’re not shooting a sex scene,” Christos smirked, “unless you want to. I can record video on my phone…” he said suggestively.

“No! Posing nude is about all I can manage. By the way, do we have to have the curtains open?” Not that I’d ever seen any curtains in the studio. The tall windows along both walls faced the backyard. Yeah, they needed curtains.

“I need the natural light coming in. It’s more flattering than using studio lights.”

“Speaking of,” I said, “can you Photoshop me with your painting?”

“You mean hide all your imperfections?”

“Yeah,” I said hopefully.

“No,” he said with finality.

“Why not?” I frowned.

“Because you don’t have any,” he flashed his dimpled grin.

“Oh,” I smiled. “Well, can you at least give me more of a crotch notch?”