“And none of you know the cute guy’s name?” Tall cop asked skeptically.

Romeo and Kamiko shook their heads.

“No,” I answered meekly.

The cop drilled his eyes into mine for what seemed like an hour. Finally, he adjusted his gun belt and sighed audibly. “Okay. You guys stay put. I’m going to confer with my partner.” He walked over to Stocky Cop and the two of them started chatting.

Two more cops came walking around the corner of Paiute from the opposite direction, followed by two EMTs who were carrying plastic medical boxes. Tall cop nodded at them and waved them over.

“Did I do okay?” Romeo asked nervously.

“Make sure you never break any laws, Romeo,” Kamiko said. “You’re a terrible liar. You’d end up going straight to jail if you committed a crime. And you know what happens to men who go to jail.”

“I know!” Romeo said enthusiastically. “The possibilities are endless! All those desperate men with nothing to do but lift weights and brood all day long. They get all pent up and even the straight guys are forced to seek ‘alternative’ sexual gratification. It sounds like a dream come true!”

Kamiko gawked. “Are you cray-cray, Romeo?”

“Nope. Just gay-gay,” he winked.

“No jail for anybody!” I hissed insistently.

Romeo’s playful expression mellowed into seriousness. “What about those jerks over there? I think they deserve jail. And a rusty shiv up the butt.”

“Maybe them,” I said. “But let’s not talk about it, okay?” I noticed that Tall Cop was questioning Crew Cut. “Now be quiet so I can hear what those cops are saying!”

Their voices were faint, but I heard most of their conversation.

“How many guys did you say jumped you?” Tall Cop asked Crew Cut.

Jumped? Great. Those douche nuggets started this, and now they’re trying to blame us?

“Four,” Crew Cut said.

“And you say they started it?”

“Yeah. They were mouthing off about how SDU Rugby sucks and how we’re a bunch of pussies. We tried to blow them off, but they wouldn’t let up.”

Maybe I was being too hasty. Perhaps Douche Cut Crew Cut was going to do my work for me and lead the cops on a wild douche chase, taking the heat off Christos.

“Can you describe any of them?”

“Not really. Everything happened so fast—”

Even better.

“—But I do remember one guy. Big dude. Had lots of tattoos on his arms. Dark hair.”

Fuck.

Tall cop was jotting this down in a small note pad. “Had you ever seen the guy before?”

“Yeah. I’ve seen him around campus.”

Oh, no.

“Do you recall anything about the other three?”

“Not really.”

I shook my head. Douche Crew Cut was putting all the blame on Christos.

“Sit tight,” Tall Cop said, “while I talk to your friend.”

I saw Crew Cut shoot a glance at his bloody buddy, who was being tended to by the EMTs. Stocky cop was talking to the two new cops. Tall cop chatted with the three officers before he went over to Bloody Face and the EMTs.

Bloody Face was holding one of those quick freeze ice packs to his nose. I had a hard time hearing what he was saying. But I distinctly heard, “He started it,” and, “tattoos on his arms,” and, “I think he goes to school here.”

My stomach knotted.

Then Bloody Face stabbed me in the heart. He said, “She called him Chris. Chris something. I can’t remember exactly.”

Tall cop turned and fired bullets from his eyes directly into mine.

My stomach twisted my remaining internal organs into a wad that dropped down to my toes like lead. I was ready to vomit up my insides, including the bones in my toes. But I resisted the urge to unravel. I kept my innocent face in place and tried to appear as casual as possible.

Tall Cop must’ve run out of eye bullets because he turned back to Bloody Face.

“Those guys are lying,” Kamiko whispered.

“I know,” I said morosely.

With painful clarity I realized that Christos’ confession to me only hours before, the one about him being a criminal and having gotten into tons of fights and trouble with the law was ominously accurate. Bad luck found him, no matter what he did to avoid it. Was he cursed? Was I a fool for loving him? Would it always be like this? Would he constantly be on the verge of getting arrested, or worse, locked away for long stretches? What kind of life was that? I shivered and hugged my elbows to my chest. I needed to think of something fast.

“Officer!” I hollered while waving at Tall Cop.

He was still questioning Bloody Face. I noticed the two EMTs were now kneeling next to the guy who Christos had knocked out and shining a pen light in the guy’s eyes. Stocky cop saw me waving and he nodded to the two other cops before walking over to me.

He had a broad, sullen face and seemed rather gruff. I needed to win him over. Just because these guys were supposed to uphold the law didn’t mean they were going to believe our story over the rugby goon’s version of events.

“Yeah?” he asked. “Can I help you with something, miss?”

“I forgot to tell that other officer something,” I said. I’d been so focused on not saying anything to betray Christos, I’d missed the obvious.

“What?” he grunted expectantly, as if expecting something astonishing, like film footage of the second, third and perhaps fourth President Kennedy shooters.

My plan to win him over was not going well. “When those guys started harassing us,” I said tentatively, “I took a picture of them on my phone and told them I was going to call campus security. Before I could, that guy with the crew cut grabbed my phone and threw it.”

“Where?”

“Where what?”

“Where’d he throw your phone,” stocky cop said impatiently.

“Oh. Over the dining hall.”

Stocky cop turned to look. He frowned. “From here?”

“No. We were standing over there when he threw it.” I pointed.

“You sure he threw your phone?” the cop asked, as if I was suggesting Crew Cut had thrown my car or perhaps an elephant over the dining hall.

“Yes, I’m sure! Do you want to search me? My phone is gone.”

“How do I know you had a phone to begin with?”

A better question was, how did this get turned around on me?

“She did,” Romeo said. “And I saw that guy throw it.”

“Me too,” Kamiko said.

Stocky cop looked between the three of us, doubt curling his lips. Yes, he had the teeth of an ogre, or perhaps a rotten goblin. Take your pick. “Okay,” he sighed heavily, like I was asking him to clean his room for the tenth time. “I’ll go tell my partner.” He walked over to the other three cops and started chatting with them. Tall Cop looked at me again and nodded while Stocky Cop explained things. A minute later, Tall Cop walked back over to us.

“You say that guy over there grabbed your phone and threw it over the dining hall?” Tall Cop asked me.

“Yes,” I said.

“Was that when the fight started?”

“Yes.”

“Between those guys over there, and your friend, the cute guy?”

“Yes.”

“And what was cute guy’s name again?”

Brakes! I clamped my mouth shut before it could open. I’d almost fallen for the cop’s trick line of questioning. “I told you before, I don’t know his name. Like I said, he’s more of an acquaintance.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Do you remember if he had any tattoos?” he asked suspiciously. “Your acquaintance?”

“I don’t think so,” I said, making my best Little Miss Honesty face.

“No,” Romeo added, “he didn’t have any tattoos. I would’ve remembered. Guys with tattoos are hot!”

Tall Cop raised an amused eyebrow. “And you said there were five guys fighting your one friend?”

“Yes! And I have a picture of all five on my phone!”

“But your phone is gone?”

“Yes! I can totally go look for it, if you want.”

“No. Hold tight here until we sort this out.”

Tall Cop rejoined the other three officers. The EMTs had helped the guy who’d been knocked out to stand up. Crew Cut and Bloody Face still sat in the grass. Stocky Cop uncuffed them and they stood up. Stocky Cop gave them what appeared to be a stern talking to. Crew Cut and his buddies nodded solemnly and repeatedly like they were law-abiding citizens who’d been wrongly assaulted for no good reason. When the cops were finished lecturing Crew Cut and Crew, they let the three rugby goons walk across the quad and out of sight.