“Oh,” I nodded. “I just assume when guys start throwing terms around that don’t make sense, they’re talking about sex.”

“It’s a safe assumption,” Madison grinned.

Christos asked Jake, “Are you taking Mads with you?”

Jake nodded, “Of course, I would never go to Pipeline without bringing my favorite pipeline with me.”

Christos and Jake both started chuckling. Me and Madison turned to each other and said in unison, “Men!”

Jake wrapped a muscled arm around Madison and said, “You know you love it.” He smiled his endearingly white smile, always such a brilliant contrast against his bronze skin, before kissing her cheek.

Madison leaned into him, “If you weren’t so damn cute, Jake, you would never get away with talking like a heathen.”

“Does that mean I can keep talking like a heathen?”

Madison rolled her eyes for my benefit, but I could tell she was totally in love with Jake.

Christos wrapped an arm around me.

I shot him a warning glare, “Don’t start talking about my pipeline,” I joked.

“Whose pipeline?” Romeo asked. “I’m all about the pipeline. Laying it, boring it out, plugging it up, draining it—”

“Draining it?” Jake grimaced.

“Dude,” Christos smiled, “what does that even mean?”

Romeo examined his fingernails and grinned, “You really want to know?”

“NO!” me and Madison blurted.

All the young people around us were dressed in various hipster garb or clubbing outfits. I was just waiting for the lights to dim and the neon glow sticks to come out. But it still was an art gallery. There were so many people we could barely see the paintings on the walls.

“It’s this way,” Romeo said, leading everyone. “Oh my god!”

“What?” I said, curious.

“I can’t belieeeeve it!” Romeo singsonged.

“What, what?” I couldn’t see past the people Romeo had just squeezed between.

I exchanged an excited look with Madison as we squeezed up to Romeo, who had his arms around Kamiko.

“You’re not dressed like a cartoon!” Romeo cheered while hugging Kamiko.

“Okay,” she grimaced, “don’t break me.” She may have been complaining, but she was totally giggling.

When Romeo broke the hug, I finally saw Kamiko’s outfit.

“Damn, Kamiko!” I smiled. “You look totally sexy!”

Kamiko wore a sleeveless red on black colorblock bodycon zip front dress. She stood tall on black platform sandals and her hair was down.

“Whoa,” Christos said. “Kamiko, you look hot, girl.”

Kamiko blushed.

Jake nodded approval. “Nice dress, Kamiko.”

“Does anybody want to pull her zipper down as badly as I do?” Romeo asked.

“Please don’t,” Kamiko pleaded.

“I’m kidding,” Romeo smiled. “You look amazing, Kamiko,” he said genuinely. “In no way do you resemble a cartoon character tonight. If I was straight, I would totally do you. You look fabulous.”

“Thanks,” she smiled bashfully.

Romeo gave her another big hug.

Christos grinned, “If you don’t get at least ten phone numbers from good looking guys tonight, I’d be surprised.”

“Thanks,” Kamiko rolled her eyes like the idea of her meeting a guy was about as likely as the sun suddenly exploding. She said, “I just hope I sell my painting tonight.” She stood right next to it.

Christos took a closer look. “Oh shit, is that Brandon’s face on those koi?”

Kamiko’s eyes widened and we exchanged a giggle.

“OMG,” Kamiko tittered, clearly embarrassed, “is it that obvious?”

“Maybe to me,” Christos reassured, “but I’ve known that bottom feeder for a long time.”

“Which bottom feeder?” Brandon Charboneau asked, suddenly standing next to all of us.

Whoops. I guess that catfish was finally out of the bag. Well, it was technically a koi. Whatever. Either way, I hope Brandon wasn’t offended.

“Brandon!” Christos said extravagantly, clapping him on the back, clearly trying to distract from the obvious.

“Greetings, everyone,” Brandon smiled, looking dashing. “It’s a crowded house tonight, isn’t it?”

“Totally,” Christos said loudly, trying to keep Brandon’s attention away from the painting.

Maybe if Brandon didn’t figure out he was the subject of Kamiko’s painting, he would take note of how sexy Kamiko looked in her dress instead, and finally ask her out.

“Doesn’t Kamiko look sexy in her dress?” I said to Brandon. I wasn’t above hinting.

Brandon glanced at her outfit and smiled politely, “Very stylish, Kamiko.” Then he looked at the rest of us, “Well, I’ve got to circulate.” He raised his eyebrows and smiled as he squeezed past us into the crowd.

Stupid Brandumb.

At least Kamiko didn’t seem to care. “Phew!” she whispered. “That was close!”

“What are you worried about?” Romeo asked.

Kamiko glared at him, “Are you insane? If he figures out that’s him in my painting, he’ll probably ban me from selling in his gallery ever again.”

I started to say, “If he does that…”

Then, two things suddenly happened simultaneously in the next two seconds.

First, Brandon suddenly leaned back through the crowd toward us and said, “Oh, hey, Kamiko?”

And, I finished my sentence, “…then Brandon is a fucking asshole.”

Kamiko’s eyes bugged out.

Oh, fuck me backward and sideways. That foot of mine still had a mind of its own when it came to jumping in my mouth.

Romeo suddenly went into overdrive. “Uh, what Sam meant was, ahh…Brandon, you are the opposite of a fucking asshole!” Romeo’s eyes shone like he’d discovered the cure for cancer. “Yes! The complete opposite! You’re an unfucked asshole! You’re the type of asshole who’s never seen a day’s work! You’ve never been used for fucking! You’re tight as a drum! Couldn’t pass a turd the size of a vitamin pill even if you tried! ”

Note Romeo’s guilty exclamation points. They were all over the place.

Brandon arched an eyebrow.

The rest of us stood and watched in mute horror as the Loco Locomotive crashed into the side of a mountain. Oh, the calamity. At least he was trying to save my ass.

Romeo continued shoveling, “Brandon, you are the most pristine asshole the world has ever known. Fresh off the rack. Untouched, like a diamond. An asshole in the rough. Ahhh…” Romeo finally ran out of steam, looking flummoxed. “That didn’t come out quite right. Sorry.”

Brandon nodded sourly, “I get the idea.”

“What was it that you wanted?” Kamiko asked desperately, her teeth clenched in terror, doing her best to sweep the awful moment under the rug.

Brandon cleared his throat while shooting a ninja throwing star glare at Romeo and me, “I was just going to tell you, Kamiko, that a couple of buyers have already asked me about your painting. They really like it. I think we might sell it this evening.”

A long moment of silence passed between the seven of us as we all stared at the ceiling, our toes, our fingernails. Anything to avoid the social disaster surrounding us.

Brandon looked at everyone, his eyebrows raised high. “Anything else?”

I shook my head, contrite.

“I did compare him to a diamond,” Romeo whispered in my ear, as if that made up for everything.

I stomped on his foot.

Brandon turned away from the group of us.

At least Brandon had never noticed he was the koi fish in Kamiko’s painting.

Brandon turned back a second later, “Oh, one other thing.” He leveled a glare at Kamiko, “Don’t think I didn’t notice that was me on the koi in your painting.”

Thud.

Kamiko went white.

Quick, somebody prop her up before she fainted.

“Oh, Brandon,” Kamiko begged while hyper ventilating, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I mean, I, ah, oh…” She was going to pass out.

Brandon’s mouth curled into a sly smile, “Why do you think I wanted your piece in the show?”

What?

He grinned, “I’ve got a sense of humor. How uptight do you guys think I am?”