The clicking of her heels is loud to the quiet hospital night. I knew Trent would call her.  I didn’t want him to though, I already feel so guilty and ashamed but he didn’t know what to do when I shut down.

“Oh Trent” she embraces him right away and I can feel both their eyes shift to me and then look at each other as Trent tries to tell his mom silently that he is at a loss.

“Maddy sweetheart.”  Her hand touches my back and tears instantly fall from my face.  I am facing the window trying to shut down everything that happened.  “Talk to me.”  She begs but I can’t turn around, I can’t face her.

She sits behind me rubbing my back in small circles while telling me it will be ok.  Trent did the same thing but it’s different coming from her maybe because she is a mother.  My rapid breathing and gasping to catch my breath through my tears is starting to slow down a little.  “Please Maddy, look at me.”

I slowly start to turn around but my eyes meet Trent’s and I shut down again burying my head in the pillow.

“Trent dear, go get something to drink.  Give us a minute.  Your father is in the waiting room down the hall.”  She motions with her hand to leave and smiles to confirm it will be ok.  Always so motherly.

He leaves the room and she scoots up so her body rests against the headboard, taking my head and putting it in her lap brushing my hair with her manicured nails.

“Honey you can talk to me.”  She softly says.

“I lost it.”  I whisper into her stomach tears staining her dress.

“I know baby, I know.”   She listens not saying anything more.

“I shouldn’t have gone there.  Only shitty things happen to me there, I should have known something like this would happen.  It’s all my fault.”  I start rambling.  It feels better getting it out.

“No Maddy, you didn’t deserve what happened to you. Don’t you ever think that?”  She says stopping her hand for a second.

“Trent must hate me, I killed his child.”  I start crying harder.

“No he doesn’t.”  She keeps letting her fingers run through my hair while I continue to cry.

Eventually sleeps succumbs me and when I wake up it’s still dark outside and his mom is no longer holding me.  Trent is slouched down in the chair next to me his hand lazily hanging on the side of the bed.  He is so handsome.  I imagine what our baby would have looked like.  If it was a boy would it have been a spitting image of Trent.  Would those crystal blue eyes carry down to him or would they of had my brown or a mixture of both.  Would they have been athletic like their father or more artistic like me?  We will never know because I did something stupid and took that away from us.

“Trent” I whisper.  He stirs but doesn’t wake up so I nudge his hand with mine.  Those clear blues meet mine and I know what I need.  I shut him out too long.  “Come here.”   I scoot over on the bed holding the covers out for him.

A small smile comes across his face and he climbs in with me. “Always Maddy.”  He holds my head in his hands kissing the top.  “I will always be here to hold you.”

Chapter 22 - Present Day

“Answer it Maddy.”  Trent is demanding on the street corner.  I see the people glancing over at him.  I am sure they recognize him and it’s only a matter of time before they come over asking for autographs.

“Um…” my breathing is becoming erratic.

“You know what?”  Gabe throws his hands in the air.  “Fuck it, I’m done.  You can have her.”  He tells Trent turning around to walk away.

“Gabe!”  I shout and he stops.  I can’t tell if he stops because he thinks I choose him or if he just can’t bring himself to walk away from me.

“What?”  He turns around but doesn’t come forward.

“Please don’t go.”  I plead with him and Trent looks at me in disbelief.

“Maddy, I have made a fool out of myself for too long.  You and Trent have a happy life, you fucking deserve each other.”  He says.

“Watch it Gabe.”  Trent warns him.

“What are you going to do?”  He walks up to Gabe meeting him chest to chest.

“Let’s remember whose she was when you decide to step in.”  Trent yells.

“If you treated her like she deserved or hell thought of her once before yourself I wouldn’t of had to step in for you.”  Gabe spat back.

“Nice that every time I couldn’t be there, you were.”

“Couldn’t doesn’t fit Trent, Wouldn’t is more like it.”  Gabe says and Trent punches him in the mouth.

“You son of a bitch.”  Trent says shaking his hand and flexing his fingers.

“You’re calling your own mother a bitch, asshole”  Gabe punches him back in the stomach and then Trent tries to hit back but Gabe gets out of the way.

Gabe is sober and Trent is a little drunk so I know how this will end and since I am drunk I think I should get in the middle.

“Come on guys.  Let’s forget this and talk about it tomorrow.  We can go inside to dance some more.”  I place a hand on each of their chests.

“Stay out of it Maddy.”  Gabe warns.

“Don’t talk to her like that.”  Trent says back.  They are each pushing harder against my hands and I am slowly losing control.

“She isn’t yours Trent.”

“She has always and will always be mine.  So, stay the fuck away from my girl Gabe.”  I freeze after Trent’s confession.

The boys move over to the side away from me and Gabe hits Trent right against his cheek making him fall to the ground.

“Trent” I scream as he is holding his cheek unable to stand up.  I rush to his side and look back at Gabe.  He is staring down at us with sadness in his eyes.

I beg him with my eyes to stop this.  To come down and help his brother but he shakes his head.

“Keep picking up his pieces Maddy.  Pretty soon he will swallow you whole.”  He doesn’t turn around entering the bar.

What the hell is he talking about?

I help Trent up to his feet when I see some guys and girls taking pictures of us.  Oh here we go again.   We will be front page on all the gossip sites by midnight tonight.   I flag down a cab practically pushing Trent in.  Luckily the few cab services in the small town hang around just in case.  Once I am in the car I text Ian letting him know I will see him at home and I left with Trent.

Trent rests his head against the window closing his eyes as I stare out the window still trying to figure out what Gabe meant.  Have I lost a piece of myself because of Trent?  I shake my head no, Trent was there for me when I needed him.  Gabe didn’t know how he picked me up when I thought I was going to crumble.  Trent got me back when I was lost in a sea of grief.  Gabe didn’t know any of that because I never told him.

Sure, he know about Bill Monroe, the whole town found out about him.  He was arrested for sexual assault.  He pled guilty and was still serving his twenty year sentence.  What Gabe doesn’t know along with the rest of the town was that I miscarried our baby that night.

It is the sole fact Gabe doesn’t know about me.  I don’t want him to look at me differently so I beg everyone that knew to keep it to themselves.  I guess it doesn’t matter now since he doesn’t want anything to do with me.  He walked away from me tonight, sick of the games and I can’t blame him, he deserves better than me.

The cab drops us off at my mom’s house and we enter the dark house.  It still hits me when I walk into the redecorated house.  I sense of fear washes over me but then I relax a little.  My therapist has done wonders with me.

“Here you go” I give Trent a bag of frozen vegetables.  I am still baffled my mom has food in her freezer.

“Thanks.”  He mumbles.

“Why don’t you spend the night here?”

He smiles brightly “Alright” he moves to stand up.

“On the couch”

“Yeah…right.”  His smile falters and he sits back down.

“I’ll go get you a pillow and a blanket” I leave the room.

By the time I get back Trent is already asleep and I hope that he doesn’t have a concussion.  I decide to curl up on the recliner next to him in case he needs me during the night.