“But you aren’t. I get it, so let’s just go.” I’m trying my best not to outwardly call him out on the yearning for his ex-girlfriend.

“What do you get?”

“That Grant’s coming. You know.” I fidget my hands in my lap. “That you probably don’t want to be around him, with Jessa being your ex.” Stashing all the insecurities that she’s everything I’m not. She’s got that whole punk girl image with her short hair, tattoos, and vintage clothes. I’m sitting here with unruly curly hair, lanky body and head-to-toe Express.

His lips drop a little and he licks his lips. “Paige? You think I want Jessa?” His condescending grin has me second-guessing my assumption.

“Sometimes it’s hard to let go.”

“Not in this case. We just had to clear the air. But I like it.”

“Like what?” I swivel my chair to check on Matty again, but Rob swivels me back around.

“I like it that you’re all, jealous and insecure.” I chew on the inside of my cheek. I wish my attraction for Rob would disappear. That I could believe he’s the scumbag he comes off to people. I’ve seen too many good things he’s done to lie to myself. The developing desire for him will only hurt me regardless of now or later.

“I’m not insecure.” I narrow my eyes and my head shakes a little, fighting his words.

He closes my hand in his and his thumb glides over the top of my knuckles. Goose bumps spread up my arm. “Good. Because you don’t even come close to her.” My mouth opens and I’m in awe of his asshole remark. “You’re so far ahead of her, your taillights are hardly visible.” I hate that I’m enlightened that he knocked Jessa down in order to boost me up, but I can’t lie. His admission is nice to hear. Especially since I feel exactly the same way about him.

“Rob?” I question and he doesn’t move his hand from mine. “What are we doing?” I whisper and he retracts his hand.

“Flirting.” He goes back to tapping the table and my stomach drops at his confession.

Standing up, I look down at him, but his eyes focus on the table in front of him. “If that’s all you’re doing, stop it.”

When my hand is on the knob of the screen door, he draws my attention. “Paige?”

I wait for him to finish the sentence. “I’m just being a good friend. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I’m not sure what I want,” I admit and escape inside the house.

THE NIGHT CARRIES on with a lot of inside jokes between Trey and Rob. Razzing each other about stories from their years before any of us. How the band started and their first gigs. I purposely sit on the opposite side of the table from Rob. I’m growing old from his hot and cold actions. I get the past and the hurt, but you can’t continue to fuck with people’s emotions and assume they’ll still be there.

“So Paige, what are you majoring in?” Grant leans across his wife to ask me.

“Hospitality.”

“Oh, that’s awesome. Like work for a hotel or restaurant?” Jessa sits up straighter and I watch Grant place his hand on her thigh. I crave to have someone that makes such simple movements of affection. As though Grant doesn’t consciously even know he’s doing it, he just loves her.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll be able to score you guys some killer rooms at a five-star hotel someday.”

“Could you imagine, babe?” Jessa shoots Grant a look. “Plush robes, deep tubs for soaking, five-star room service.” She leans back in her chair, her arms falling to her sides. “I’m there.” She closes her eyes and Trey throws a piece of crust, hitting her square in the chest.

“Wake up into mommy mode.” He points to her baby, wiggling in his arms.

She laughs and then pins Grant with her eyes. “Oh, no, it’s daddy time now.” Grant doesn’t skip a beat, swerving around the table and picking up his daughter. He cradles her in his all-American muscled arms and rocks back and forth.

“You know when baby number two comes, there isn’t going to be a ‘your turn-my turn’ debate, right?” Trey points to her stomach and I follow his finger in awe.

Jessa must notice my agape mouth. “Yes, he knocked me up again,” she jokes, massaging her nonexistent belly.

When I look at Grant, he just mouths love you to her and she shakes her head, clearly happy to be carrying his second child.

“Whoa, I suddenly feel like an underachiever around here.” Rob speaks up.

“You have a pseudo,” Kailey offers pointing to a passed out Matty on the couch.

I stand up to retrieve him. “He’s my pseudo. Rob’s just the babysitter.” I scoff and he follows me over to Matty. “I think it’s time I get him to bed.” I struggle to get my arms under his and he fights me in his asleep.

“I’ll carry him.” Rob’s hand brushes against my stomach, scooting me out of the way. With ease he hoists Matty up in his arms and begins walking to the door. “Thanks guys, it’s been fun.”

“I’ll walk you out.” Trey stands up and Kailey waves.

“Bye, you two. Hey, Rob, we’re always searching for great babysitters. So, if Paige ever frees you, come on over.” The whole table laughs and Rob stops and I bump into his back.

“If I’m lucky, Paige and I can act out seducing the babysitter when we get home.” My voice gets caught in my throat and everyone laughs harder.

Pushing him with my hands on his back, he steps forward. “Would you accept that as form of payment?”

He spins around to face me, luckily Matty separates us. “I accept many forms of payment, and you can pay in advance if you’d like.” With a wink of his eye, I literally become wet. Where is that stand-up girl from only hours before?

“Let’s just go home.” After the phrase leaves my lips, the words resonate in me. Trey smirks and I assume he’s thinking the same thing I am.

A few minutes later, Matty’s strapped in the back and we’re weaving through the dark streets of their neighborhood. “You can just drop me off at my car. I’ll take Matty,” I comment, my whole body facing the door.

“That’s ridiculous. I’ll drop you off in the morning before work.”

“No, you get up early. God knows when my mom will return.” I fight him, trying to somehow act like an independent woman that needs nothing from him.

“It’s fine. We’ll handle it. I’m not sure what’s wrong with you.” My head whips around and I glare at the side of his face.

“What exactly are you looking for from me?” I’m exhausted with his flirtatious acts to only drawback when I advance.

“Isn’t it friendship?” He lets out an empty laugh. Throwing my own words back to me.

“Listen.” I check on Matty in the backseat to assure he’s still asleep. “I’m not going to be your fuck buddy, so let it go. I want to be here as a friend to you, but maybe . . .” I trail off, embarrassed to convey the sparks between us. That maybe there’s something more, something long lasting.

He allows my words to disappear, not asking questions or adding another. Nonverbally giving me his answer that he’s not on the same wavelength as me. “Paige.” My name sounds so good coming from his mouth, but the rejection is clear before he responds. He drives up the driveway, never going back to grab my car.

He parks his car outside the garage and keeps it running, signaling he’ll be leaving Matty and me here. Twisting in his seat, his hand reaches for mine and I don’t pull away. Welcoming the warmth of his hands. “I wish I was different. That I was like my friends who believe in the fairytale, but I’m not. As much as I do want you, I’m not going to jeopardize someone else’s happiness for my own.”

“Rob,” I begin to speak and his finger lands on my lips to silence me.

His eyes are dark and intense as they swim with mine. “I’m sorry for the mixed signals and I’m going to be honest with you. I want to grab you, throw you over my shoulder and carry you up to my room. I want those long legs wrapped around me for hours while I cherish every inch of your body over and over again. Making you gasp for air as you scream my name. But, I won’t because you’re already too invested. So, I’m going to be the best Goddamn friend you’ve ever had and let you go.”