I HOLD MYSELF up, gripping the counter in front of the mirror and take a long breath after stepping out of my room to go to the bathroom. I toss the condom in the trash can and gain the courage I need for this next step. Do not do a dick move.

When I step out in the hallway, I’m surprised to find Chrissy trudging up the stairs with Dex right behind her. I dodge back into the bathroom and shut the door, grabbing my towel to wrap around myself. Knowing she heard me, I try to listen for footsteps that go into their room, but instead it’s luggage that hits the hardwood floor. Two seconds later a knock hits the bathroom door.

I open it a sliver and peer out to a very tired Chrissy. She has dark circles under her eyes and her hair is in a sloppy pony tail. “Damn girl, what the hell happened to you?” I attempt to lighten the mood because from the scour on her face, she’s pissed about something and I don’t want to add more fuel to her anger.

“Don’t even ask. I just want my bed.” She peers down the hall and I hear the rolling luggage being wheeled into their room.

“Well then, go.” She stares down at my arm that’s pressed against the door.

“You got a tattoo?” she questions, staring at me wearily.

“Yeah.” I’m short and sweet to end this conversation quickly. She peers down the other way to a dark room that Paige usually fills.

“Have you seen Paige? Her car is out there.” She narrows her eyes at me and I open the door, holding my hands up.

“No, last I saw her she was with some dipshit at Aces.” I half-lie, half-truth. I am a dipshit.

“Oh, I wish you would have kept a better eye on her.” I follow her out to the hall and she waits a second by her own door. Second-guessing what I just told her. “Who’s in there?” She nods her head toward my door and I shake my head at her, giving her a cocky smirk to make her assume a girl.

“Just a little fun,” I remark and my hand reaches the doorknob, hoping to escape this inquisition of Chrissy’s.

“Alright. Well, I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” She turns around to go into her room and I catch Dex sprawled out on the bed, already in his boxers. Not sure what happened to them, but I’ll find out in the morning.

I open the door to my bedroom and the first thing I notice is my empty bed. Maybe I didn’t need to give myself the pep talk in the bathroom. Paige is bent over, picking up her clothes, her naked ass in the air. “Even though the view is nice, what are you doing?” I ask, coming behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist.

She wiggles in my arms for me to set her free. “I would have preferred you naked waiting for me in my bed,” I softly say in her ear and I feel her squirm from the goose bumps I ignited.

“For some more fun.” She sneers and I step back, chuckling to myself.

“Turn around, baby,” I whisper and she shakes her head. Her clothes are bundled in her arms as she refuses to face me. “I’m not going to ask twice, come on.” I urge her and slowly she twists in my grip.

“What?” Her sight casts down to the floor, so, I press my pointer finger under her chin and force her to look at me. Those hazel irises shimmer with sadness and my gut wrenches that I brought her doubts to the surface.

“You aren’t just some fun for me. I said that to Chrissy, so she’d lay off.” Her eyes widen and the sides of her mouth begin to curl up. “Paige, I knew you’d be more than a one-night thing before I allowed myself to fully indulge in you.”

“You did?” Her pants drop out of her arms and plop to the floor. When she bends down to retrieve them, I draw her into me.

In the split second she’s in my arms, I know it’s time. Time she knows exactly what happened to me all those years ago. The reason I am who I am and why it took me so long to accept this between us. Since I’m positive I’ll do a million more bone head moves, she needs to know why.

“Stay here tonight,” I softly ask in her ear and her cheek rubs against mine, silently agreeing to my request.

I grab her hand and lead her to my bed. Once her naked body is tucked under my comforter, I toss my towel and crawl in next to her. Wrapping her body against mine, she rests her head on my shoulder as my fingers graze back and forth down her spine.

“I was seventeen,” I begin and she places her hand on my heart, which somehow slows the rapid beating.

“You don’t have to—”

“Yeah, I do. I want to.” That seems to appease her because her body relaxes in my hold and I inhale her fruity shampoo before I continue. “So, my girlfriend, Carly, and I were driving home from a basketball game one night. We lived in a small country town, so once you’re out of the downtown area, it’s dark country roads with no street lights.” I take a deep breath, preparing for the worst part to come. Where she’ll see me as someone different. So, I need that one last broadened and innocent smile from her. “Look at me, please.”

She peeks up at me, resting her chin on her hand splayed across my heart. If she only knew how it felt, like she contained the power to magically piece it back together. “You really are beautiful.” Her hazel eyes light up at my compliment and she tilts her head into my palm.

“Thank you.”

I grab the last ounce of strength before I wimp out. “We’d been dating for two years and planned to attend Western together in the fall. The Mill River basketball team had just beaten our nemesis and everyone from our school was on a high. Carly was messing around, unbuckling herself, she kept leaning over the center console, kissing my neck, and grabbing my dick. I continued to fight her as I weaved around roads I knew like the back of my hand. There wasn’t a curve, or bend I didn’t expect.” I release a breath and her arms tighten around me again.

“She wouldn’t accept no and unzipped my jeans. I figured she was going to jerk me off, but then she leaned down and took me in her mouth.” I allow that to sink in before continuing.

When Paige doesn’t react, I figure I might as well just let her have it all. “Without going into too much detail, I got distracted and must have closed my eyes because suddenly headlights were shining right into our window. I swerved and over corrected the car, making us skid off the road and right through a fence.” Paige takes a deep breath and tries to cover up a gasp. “By the time the car stopped, I had gripped Carly’s head so tight into my stomach she was slapping me to let her go. Startled, my hands flew off her and sprung up. The two of us just stared right ahead at a tree five feet in front of us.” My heartbeat picks up and Paige nuzzles into my neck, and her hand remains right above my heart. Thank God for her patience in letting me get this out in pieces.

I swallow and flex my fists open that must have reflexively closed. “At first I forgot about the other car, more worried about Carly and if she was okay. Then it clicked and I threw open my door and fell to my knees. The other car’s front end was . . . completely smashed. They must have over-corrected like I did and instead of a tree, they hit a power line pole. I screamed for Carly to call 911 and ran across the dark road. When I reached the dark sedan, I lost all breath and almost collapsed.” Paige’s head rises up and she stares into my eyes with confusion. “It was Carly’s dad slumped over the steering wheel with blood dripping out of his mouth.”

“Oh, Rob.” Her hand leaves my heart and she kindly brushes it against my head like my mother used to do when I was little and had gotten hurt.

Disregarding her calm demeanor because what else can she say, I killed a man. “I opened the door and felt his wrist but he had no pulse. Right as I went to feel his back for breathing, I heard Carly’s footsteps on the pavement and I whipped around to stop her.” Carly’s screams are still real in my head. Blood curdling roars burst out of her when she recognized the car. “He was dead. I had killed him.”