A tight squeeze of my hand pulls me from my nightmare, and I look up at the restaurant. “You okay?” he asks me. His brown eyes stare over with clear concern if I’m happy or sad today. He cares about me, and I’m not going to waste these few free hours we have, thinking about ‘what ifs’ in regards to our future.

“Perfect,” I say, and a huge smile brightens his face. The best sight I’ve seen in the past two weeks. “I love you,” I whisper when he bends down to kiss me.

“I love you. Let’s just relax and have fun tonight. It’s me and you, all right?” he cocks his head to the side, awaiting my agreement.

“Yes,” I mumble, and when his lips hit mine, I’m transported to our first kiss. He pours all his desire for me into our kiss, and it covers me in a warm and loving blanket. All I want to do is nuzzle up to him and savor the ocean scent that’s Trey.

When he parts from me, my body chills, and I push all other thoughts away. My door opens, and I take his hand, climbing out of the car.

The atmosphere blankets the room with love, and emanates through all of us. The small round tables are lined with white linens and small lit votive candles. Silver packages that we wrapped are perfectly placed on top of each plate. The room looks elegant and simple, just like Jessa.

Trey’s hand is either in mine, or resting on my knee, throughout most of the dinner. We talk about reality television and drinking games. I miss this carefree life of a college student. Sam and Dex can’t keep their hands off each other, constantly roaming and kissing. Every time she gets up, he smacks her ass and she jumps in reaction. Although I envy the way Dex doesn’t hide his attraction to her, neither one of them shows much romantic affection toward one another. It’s grabbing and swatting, but no caressing and lingering kisses. I wonder if maybe, in fact, they are just fuck buddies, like Dex refers to them as.

Envious of their public displays of desire, I begin to let my hand explore up Trey’s pants leg. As I continue talking about Vanderpump Rules with Sam, I grab his package, feeling it start to bulge against my palm. He quickly places his hand over mine to stop me, but I’m persistent, searching for his zipper. Just as I grip it with my fingers and begin to lower it he tenses in his chair, and I worry the table will pick up on the little game of cat and mouse we’re playing.

The hotness of his crotch hits my hand as I weasel it through the opening. As soon as I reach my destination, he takes my hand and places it back in my lap. Shifting in his seat, I know he’s discretely zipping himself back up, trying not to draw attention. A rush of emotions detonates within me; embarrassment, guilt, but most of all self-doubt. He just knocked all my self-esteem out the window with the push of his hand. I slowly become more enraged the longer I sit and talk about a show that follows a group of servers and bartenders that appear more like enemies than friends. Excusing myself from the table, I escape out to the lobby.

Tears threatening to break at any moment, I pep talk myself to quickly become composed. This is your night off, enjoy it, I repeat to myself. But it’s no use, the one tear escapes before I can stop it.

Seeing the ladies sign, I make determined steps to reach that door before it all crashes down. With both hands on the door, I’m abruptly grabbed by my wrist and dragged out the back door. The sweltering heat immediately has sweat starting to drip down the crease of my breasts. My back hits the brick wall before Trey’s fuming face fills my complete vision.

“What the hell, Kailey?” he asks me, anger filling every word.

“Forget it, Trey,” I push him back with my arms, but he takes my wrists and pins them up against the wall. The brick scratches my wrists as I attempt to wiggle out of his grasp.

“Why the hell are you mad?” His nostrils flare while his eyes question me.

“I was trying to be spontaneous, sexual. Make you want me,” I admit, still wiggling and shifting any weight to get the advantage in this conversation.

“I want you every minute of every day. Actually, scratch that, every second.” His hands loosen, but he doesn’t let me go.

“How come you’ve taken girl after girl against a bathroom stall or a dark corner? Hell, you’ve probably received fucking hand jobs in lecture halls. But with me, it’s all hand holding, hand on the small of my back until we get behind closed doors. I get it that I’m not as sexy as your other conquests, but I don’t think I’m some hideous monster either.” I take a deep breath, surprised by own response. That I just divulged all my insecurities about my being enough for him sexually.

He releases my grip and walks to the other side of the alley, tossing his hands over his head. After minutes of silence he marches up to me and pushes me against the wall again. “Is this what you want, Kailey? You want me to fuck you against this wall, like some groupie slut?”

“NO!” I screech. “I want you to want me so badly you can’t wait until we get home. I want to enflame your body so much that you desperately need to get inside of me, unable to hold off. I just want to be irresistible to you,” I yell back into face.

He thrusts his crotch forward. “Do you feel how hard I am right now? That’s you, Kailey.” His voice still emanates anger, but is beginning to calm. “I put myself through pain every day, so I don’t throw you over every damn piece of furniture or car. You deserve better than that.” He takes a deep breath. “Jesus, Kailey, you’re more to me than some cheap fuck in a filthy alley. I thought I’ve made that clear. I fucking love you. I didn’t love those girls. Hell, half of them I didn’t even like.” He backs up and places his hand on my cheeks. “But you, you’re the reason I get up in the morning. You’re the one I can’t wait to lay in my bed with, so I can savor every moment I have with you. Please, don’t take my reserve to mean anything but selfishness to explore your gorgeous body longer. I enjoy taking my time and savoring the taste of every inch of your skin. With you, it’s not just getting off, it’s feelings and emotions. Things I never had with anyone else.” His eyes continue to peer down at me, waiting for me to respond. What the hell do I say to that? The urge to bury my head in my hands and walk away embarrassed are tempting.

“I just thought—,” I start but he places his finger in front of my lips.

“You don’t have to say anything. I should have made this clear a long time ago.” He absolves me of my self-pity. “Since we’re out here and everyone thinks we’re fighting, how about we make the most of it?” He slyly smiles and all that anger surrounding us dissipates with it. How did I get this man? His head turns left and right, perusing the surroundings. Soon he grabs my hand and tugs me toward a dark corner. “So, I owe you one quick screw against a wall, but don’t get used to it, babe, okay?” He flirtatiously smiles my way.

“It’s really fine, Trey, let’s just go inside,” I reply.

His hands start pulling the fabric of my dress around my middle. “Nah, you started it. I’m hard and,” he inserts a finger into my panties, “you’re wet. Let’s not waste time, love,” he finishes and grabs my ass, holstering me up against the brick.

He propped me up with his one hand and leg while unsnapping and zipping his pants. Soon the heat of his bare bottom half hits mine, and there’s no way I’m saying no. “Shit!” he hollers right as the tip of his cock is at my opening. “I don’t have condoms,” he sighs.

“What?” I question in disbelief.

“I stopped carrying them around when I met you. I could go ask Dex but—,”

“Go ahead, Trey, I trust you,” I instruct him.

“Kailey,” his exasperated breath tells me between his past and the chances of another pregnancy, we’re done.

“I’m on the pill, go ahead,” I divulge. I feel bad for never telling him earlier, but I’m not about to pass up on this incredible desire right now.