Am I? I feel this antsy, frustrated feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I don’t really know why. “I don’t know.”

“Anything I can help with?”

I haul a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

He bites a corner of his bottom lip. “If it’s about me, Hilary, you know all you have to do is ask and I’ll leave you alone.”

Is it him? Or is it everything else? Honestly, when I’m with him is the only time this feeling seems to go away. “I’ll let you know.”

His eyes narrow almost imperceptibly. “Your boyfriend was home this week?”

I nod and sip my tea so I don’t have to look at him, because, at his words, the frustrated knot in my stomach contracts painfully.

“How was your visit?”

My eyes slip to him and his gaze is intense, like he’s trying to read my thoughts. “Fine. It was fine.”

He nods slowly and I’m not sure whether the expression that slips over his face in that second is relief or chagrin.

I finish my tea and stand, needing to move. “Lead the way, Captain.”

FORTY MINUTES LATER, we climb out of the subway onto Grand Street, and I can’t help but flash back to the last time we were here, after Club 69. I remember how mad I was at him then . . . at everything really, and I realize how much that anger has melted away in the month since then. Is that my problem? My anger fueled me, kept me strong. Am I losing my edge?

Or was my anger just a crutch—a way of keeping people at arm’s length so no one would ever know how broken I am?

He guides me down Grand Street with a hand on my back. “I never told you how impressed I was with your composure that night,” he says as if he was hanging out in my head, a casual observer of my thoughts.

I bark out a laugh. “Because a couple of kids thought I was a hooker? I looked like a whore.”

“You looked stunning.” His voice is low and thick, tightening all the muscles below my waist.

I remember wanting him to want me that night. It was a totally ridiculous plan, but I wanted to punish him and I didn’t know how else to do it. Now I’m not sure what I want to do with him. Because I also remember feeling that same tightening in my groin then and thinking I might actually follow through.

Would I? If Alessandro made a move, showed interest, would I sleep with him again? I know I told myself I wouldn’t, but . . . I really don’t know. My heart simultaneously pounds and aches with the thought.

All that tingling . . . that’s just sex. That’s me getting hot for a really hot guy. That doesn’t mean anything. But this . . . this feels like it’s turning into something else. Something that I promised myself I wouldn’t feel ever again—especially for him.

Because last time it nearly killed me.

“Almost there,” he says, his fingers gliding up from my low back, following the trail of butterflies that he can’t possibly see under my clothes, as if he’s memorized it. As we cross Ludlow, just a block from where those kids jumped me, he wraps his arm over my shoulders.

“I’m really fine, Alessandro.”

“I know,” he says, tightening his arm on me.

He slows near the bus stop just across Essex, and I think maybe this has all been some big diversion and we’re getting on a bus to go somewhere totally different, but then he turns and opens the door next to us and the appetizing scents of yeast and oregano waft out.

“What is this?”

He gestures up at the red awning over the door with a secret smile.

I look up. Pizza for the Masses, it says. Divulging family secrets since 1999.

“Pizza for the masses?” I squint a question at Alessandro.

“They will teach us to make the perfect pizza from the ground up.” He sweeps a hand toward the door, which he’s still holding open.

I step through . . . and God it smells good.

He comes up behind me and slips off my jacket, hanging it on a coat tree there, then lays his hands on my hips, his breath in my hair as he says, “You said you like to cook, and I know you like pizza, so I thought . . .” His lips just brush my ear as he trails off. I rub my arms to disguise my shudder.

A pretty woman with dark hair, wearing a black T-shirt and black apron, comes out of the back. “Are you here for the class?”

“Yes,” Alessandro says, stepping away from me and pulling a folded paper from his back pocket, handing it to her. “We’re on your list. Alessandro Moretti.”

She unfolds the paper and looks it over. “There are two of you?”

Alessandro nods. “Yes.”

She smiles up at us. “The class will be starting soon. Follow me.”

We follow her back to a large, cheery pizza kitchen. In the middle of the room is a long wooden table with a wide metal shelf smack in the middle that runs down the entire length. On the shelf are squeeze bottles with what looks like olive oil, rolls of paper towels, shaker jars with Parmesan cheese and crushed red peppers, wooden spoons, spatulas, and other various utensils. Six grinning people in red aprons are already gathered on either side of the table, talking among themselves. On the back wall are ovens and a large stainless-steel refrigerator, and the walls are cluttered with pizza paddles, spice racks, and shelves of pizza boxes.

The woman hands Alessandro two red aprons. “We’re expecting two more, so go ahead and put these on, then find a spot at the pizza counter. We’ll get started as soon as everyone’s here.”

“Thank you,” Alessandro says with a warm smile.

I expect him to hand me an apron, but instead, he pulls me closer and loops it over my neck, then spins me gently by the shoulders, his fingertips tracing the line of butterflies down my back again as he lowers them to tie my apron at the waist.

Damn, it’s hot in here. And I don’t think the pizza ovens are even on yet.

“You’re ready to cook,” he says, low in my ear. But I’m already cooking. Scorching, more like.

I step away from him before I spontaneously combust and press my cool palms to my flaming face. On the wooden counter are ten marble slabs, five on each side. We take the last two places on the right side of the counter and the woman next to me smiles and says, “You ever done anything like this before?” in a Southern twang that reminds me of Jess.

“No,” I answer.

She leans a little closer and giggles. “Personally, I think the best part’s gonna be eating the results.”

My stomach growls loudly. Other than the tea Alessandro bought me, I haven’t eaten today, and suddenly, between the delectable smell and the thought of a piping-hot pizza, I’m starving.

The last couple shows and settles into the spots across from Alessandro and me, and we spend the next four hours learning how to create a culinary masterpiece. We start by measuring everything we need for the dough into stainless-steel bowls. When Alessandro leans in as I’m kneading it together and peeks in my bowl, I flick flour in his face.

“Mind your own business. I’m not screwing it up yet,” I say, turning to face my Southern tablemate and shielding my bowl from Alessandro’s view. But when I look down at my ball of dough, there’s a cockroach on it. “Shit!” I scream and everyone looks up.

“Sorry,” Alessandro says, lifting a hand at the instructor, a good-looking guy with dark hair in his thirties, who started out by telling us to call him Vic. He’s up front, at the end of the table, in the same black T-shirt and apron as the woman, sending us an unsure smile. Alessandro reaches into my bowl and plucks the cockroach out. He holds up the rubber bug for everyone to see. “Just a little prank.”

I spin on him and glare a dagger. “Jerk.”

He pockets the roach and goes back to kneading his dough, but he’s fighting to keep a straight face. Seeing him struggle to keep it together, I feel laughter forcing its way up my throat. The next second it sputters out through lips that I’m biting together to contain it, and when the damn breaks and it bursts out, everyone looks at me again.