I didn’t want to burst Cassie’s bubble. I didn’t want to argue with her when I was about to board a flight that’d take me far away.

But I had to let my disappointment flare up. “When did you make the decision not to come back on the tour?”

She looked as if I’d brought her crashing back to planet Earth. “I called Shawn yesterday while you were playing with Lucas. I apologized for letting him down. But after the bomb the Lorettis dropped today, I know I’ve made the right choice.”

“Dammit, Cassie. Why didn’t you talk to me about it first?”

“Because it was my decision to make and because you’re too stubborn or too much in love with me to see that it’s what we need to do.”

“To sacrifice the best chance that has happened to your career?”

“It’s not a sacrifice Josh. A compromise, maybe, but not a sacrifice. We have to be on our game. Our lives, our relationship were a wreck and we’ve got to clean up the mess. As soon as I’m in D.C. with you, I’ll start making a home for us and Lucas. I’ll start by painting the walls in our apartment and cleaning up the back yard and—”

“—and baking cookies all day? You don’t need to do that to be a good mother, Cass.”

A short, sharp laugh burst from within her. I wasn’t trying to be funny. “Baking cookies isn’t that bad, you know.” She brushed my cheekbones with her fingertips. I had to fight the need to lean against her touch. “I’ll stay in Kansas City for the next couple of days, close to Lucas. Maybe they won’t let me see him every day, but at least I’ll be around. Then I’ll board a Greyhound to Steep Hill and kick my realtor’s butt to speed up the sale of the farm. After that, I’ll fly to D.C. and look for a job.”

“You don’t need to work. I can provide for—”

She silenced me with a touch to the lips. “I’ll wait tables or work in a shop as long as they’re day shifts and I can help out with the bills. Even a little.”

Listening to her was like taking a step back in time. “You’ve got it all figured out, haven’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re doing it all over again. Making decisions for both of us without giving me a chance to weigh in.” I couldn’t deal with the innocent look she gave me. I spun around and created a safe distance between us. When I saw less red I turned to face her again. “Our relationship has been a wreck because you look at it as if there’s a ‘Me’ and a ‘You’, never an ‘Us.’”

The business crowd hurried past us. It was lunchtime and, as the rain drops intensified, no one lingered or paid much attention to a couple in the middle of a full-blown domestic argument.

“You’re so freakin’ right, Champ. Nothing has changed.” Her chin did that stubborn thing again I didn’t find so cute anymore. “You’re supposed to be the smart one, but you still totally lack any common sense. You think you can control life and make it fit into whatever ambitious plans you have for yourself. Well, I hate to break it to you, but it doesn’t work like that. It never has.”

“At least, I don’t always give up when the going gets tough. There were only two weeks left on the tour.”

She flinched and I felt like a jerk. “I’m not giving up on Lucas this time. I’ll never let go of him.”

“You’re giving up on yourself.”

“I’m not. Maybe the Lorettis don’t have an Ivy-League education. Maybe they have an average job with an average life, but from what I can see they’re ready to welcome a child into their lives, ready to make space in their home, in their hearts. Are we?” She swallowed hard. “Are you?”

I loved Lucas. But was I ready to be a father? I didn’t like the direction my thoughts were heading. “Do you think Shawn or his agent will give you a second chance now that you’ve pulled out of the tour?”

Cassie blinked and I knew my question had hit home. She didn’t stray from her course. “The only second chance I need is with Lucas.”

The sky chose that moment to split wide open. A wall of rain broke over us and I rushed toward Cassie. My arms engulfed her and I pushed her toward the entrance of the underground parking lot. When we made it back to the car, we were positively soaked. And positively mute.

I grabbed a sweater I’d thrown on the back seat before the funeral and handed it to Cassie. She thanked me and swiftly removed her white shirt, which was now see-through after the rain. I forced my eyes to look away from her lacy bra and reminded myself we were still in a public place. Reminded myself we were technically still arguing.

I drove in silence towards the motel where we’d been staying for the last couple of nights. It was close to the Sorensons’ house. It was a bit sleazy and I wasn’t a fan of Cassie staying here on her own. I kept my mouth shut though and packed the few clothes I’d taken with me on Saturday before flying to Phoenix.

When I checked the time, I didn’t like it. I had to get to the airport, back to D.C, and the rift between Cassie and me was still wide open. I slung the bag over my shoulder. Cassie stood from the edge of the bed where she’d been sitting the short time I was getting ready.

“What’s bothering you?” she asked.

“I’m going to ask it. Sorry if this sounds like I’m overstepping the line, but do you have enough to pay for the extra nights here and the trip back to Steep Hill?”

She answered me with a shy smile. “I do. Thanks for asking.”

There was nothing else to say. I had to make a move now or I’d miss my plane. I opened the door, Cassie close behind me. I gave the room one last look, ending on the bed we’d slept in, our bodies intertwined.

Cassie was there next to me, but her heart was closed up. I couldn’t leave knowing that. I stepped toward her and looped my arm around her waist. She rested her head against my chest. My free hand stroked her neck and pulled her closer against me. My mouth took hers, my lips, my tongue owning hers. I didn’t tease. The kiss wasn’t foreplay. I wanted it to have its own meaning.

When I stepped outside, the slight shake of Cassie’s hands and lips made me feel good about myself. Not for long though, “Goodbye then.” I tried to make the words sound all casual. “Each time I leave you I feel that silent fear inside me, the fear I might never see you again, that you could change your mind and break my heart all over again.”

I’d said too much. I waved at her with the tips of my fingers and turned away.

“Champ!” I stopped and looked back at her standing against the doorframe. “I’m not sacrificing anything.” I couldn’t miss the tears that meshed with her voice. “I’m happy never to set foot on stage ever again and simply sing off-tune under my shower every morning. As long as I make him happy.”

“I want to look after Lucas, but I also have to look after you. Make sure you’re both happy because one goes with the other.”

“I’m doing exactly what I want to do. Not just for Lucas or you, but for myself too.”

“I trust you, Cass, as long as you’re sure you’re telling the truth. To me and to yourself.”

Cassie.

Two days since I arrived in Steep Hill and I couldn’t avoid Woodie any longer. I wanted to see him. But now, each time I was going to see him, it’d be a package deal: Woodie and Clarissa.

So I’d finally accepted their invitation for dinner. Ten minutes into our chitchat, and they’d broken their big news.

The news that my best friend was getting married to my high-school nemesis.

Clarissa hadn’t stopped babbling. “I’ve always dreamed of a Christmas wedding. There’ll be snow and we can all have eggnog in Woodie’s barn. What about one of those sleighs to take us away from the church?”

The image that sprang to my mind was of freakin’ reindeers flying through Steep Hill, Kansas, with Woodie and his bride on the backseat. The weirdest thing was that Woodie didn’t seem one bit concerned about making a fool of himself. He kept gaping at his fiancée across the dining table and I wanted to wipe the saliva that dripped from his mouth with my napkin.