“This morning when I woke up…I thought you were done with me, that you wanted me to leave.” I keep my head down so he doesn’t notice my tear-stricken face. If I let him see how badly he hurt me, it will just make it worse.

“Last night was,” he starts to speak before he takes a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair, “complicated.” He sips his coffee, then turns to me again. “It took all my willpower not to stay next to you last night, but that didn’t mean I wanted you to sneak out of my house this morning.”

“Brady, you don’t know me.” I shake my head back and forth, staring down at my coffee cup.

“Let’s get something straight. There might be things in your past I don’t know. Hell, there might even be things in the present I don’t know about you, but I know you, Sadie.” His brown eyes stare right at me as he slowly speaks.

“Well…” I take another deep breath. I feel like I’m in the middle of a yoga class with how many times I have sucked air in my lungs over the past fifteen minutes.

“You know you don’t have to tell me, Sadie. One day, sure, when you want to, but it doesn’t matter to me.” He rubs circles over my shins.

“Brady, I need you to know. This morning I realized something, and as much as it will kill me if you decide you don’t want this, I have to tell you,” I say quietly, gaining my composure before starting. “I’m not a virgin.”

Brady’s laugh fills the room. “I never thought you were a virgin. Is that what this is about?”

“You have been so gentle, never pushing me further than I wanted to go.” I bring my knees up to my chest, suddenly embarrassed.

“Sadie, I could tell there was something holding you back and I wanted you to be comfortable,” he reassures me and scoots over to me, moving my legs back down across his lap.

“My past is bad, Brady. I have been with a lot of guys.” I throw it out there fast with the hope that maybe he won’t notice I just called myself a slut.

“Okay.” His voice doesn’t flinch. I hear or see no hint of disapproval and he isn’t backing away from me.

“I mean a lot, Brady. I don’t remember all their names or most of the experiences because I was usually so wasted. I woke up in guys’ beds, not remembering. Most of the time they were gone long before I woke up.” My eyes stare at the dark liquid in my hand, not able to see the disapproval in Brady’s eyes while I tell him what I’m sure boyfriends fear hearing the most from their girlfriends.

“Okay,” he says again, as though I just told him I prefer white bread over wheat.

“Don’t you have anything else to say?” I finally let my eyes fall on him. He stares right back at me, continuing to massage my calves, seemingly unaffected.

“Not really. It doesn’t bother me as long as I’m the only one you sleep with now.” He raises his eyebrows, questioning me.

“You are. I haven’t been with anyone for eight months,” I admit.

“I assume you are worried if you sleep with me, I’m going to toss you out the next morning?” he asks the question in such a matter of fact manner, it scares me.

“Yeah,” I respond quietly.

“You thought I left you this morning, hoping you would sneak out without having to see you?” He continues asking questions regarding my biggest fears, as though he knows my every thought.

“Yeah,” I answer, softer.

“Sadie, when you are finally ready to sleep with me, I promise you I won’t leave your side the whole night. I will hold you close to me and when you wake up in the morning, it will be my face you see smiling back at you. We will have breakfast and shower, hopefully together.” He winks over at me. “Then we will spend the day together. I hope like hell it continues like that day after day. I dream of a time when you are in my bed every night and every morning.” He sets his coffee cup on the table, bringing me completely on his lap. “I promise you, Sadie Miller, I will never leave your side, as long as you’ll have me.” He kisses me, firm and soothing.

“You are really okay with it? I know it’s a lot to handle. I regret that part of my life every day, but I was in a dark time, held captive in self-inflicted pain.” I rest my head on his shoulder.

“I have to admit, the thought of another guy’s hands on you pisses me off, but that is just selfishness on my part. As long as I’m the only guy that makes you quiver when I touch you. The only guy who can kiss those soft red lips whenever I want.” He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip. “The only guy allowed to climb on top of you or wrap those gorgeous legs around my waist and have my way with you time and time again. That’s all that matters.” Brady turns me so I’m straddling him.

“You are, Brady. You are the only guy in my life, present and future. Thank you for understanding.” I wrap my arms around his neck while his hands are at my hips, smoothly moving up and down.

“I need an answer to one question though, Sadie.” He stares at me with those caramel eyes.

“Of course, anything.”

“Who is Theo?”

My stomach drops. I purposely left that part out. I’m not ready to relive the story of that awful night when I became half a person. When I was to blame for someone dying who had been with me my whole life, my other half, my confidant, leaving me alone and abandoned. I know I have to be honest so I say the only thing I can without tears pouring out of my pained eyes.

“Theo… was my twin brother.”

Chapter 14

I was thankful that Brady didn’t ask how Theo died that day. I assume he knows I’m not ready to tell him that story just yet. The sorrow in his eyes was evident, but he never pushed or asked any further questions. He told me that I mumbled Theo’s name that night when he picked me up off the curb. To say I was surprised would be a lie. Theo had taken care of me my whole life. When we got to high school and the parties started with the drinking and drugs, he would always find me somewhere at the end of the night and make sure I made it home.

Theo was no saint; he drank like the rest of us, sometimes even more. He had worse vices, ones that I would try to keep him from. We were a pair, a pair of screwed-up siblings protecting each other from parents who didn’t seem to care.

As hard as it is, I try to veer my thoughts away from Theo. Tonight is my time to be happy. Brady is picking me up in a couple minutes to take me away for the weekend. My overnight bag is packed with all of my clothes, toiletries, and a little something special for Brady. After our conversation last Sunday, we haven’t had sex yet but I hope this weekend changes that.

I believe Brady whole-heartedly, that he won’t leave me after we do. I have never had a guy who has been so affectionate and loving with me.

“Hey, is this it?” Jessa asks, peering down from her loft. “You finally giving up the boom boom?” I had divulged to Jessa that I had revealed my secret to Brady.

“Yeah, I don’t think I could hold off anymore even if I wanted to,” I confess.

“I don’t know how you’ve gone this long,” she replies and climbs down. “Have fun, you definitely deserve it.”

“Thank you,” I say, smiling over at her. Then there is a knock on our door so I make my way to answer it.

“Please tell me how you always manage to get in the dorm without calling me?” I jokingly smile at him.

“What can I say? I have a way with people,” he laughs.

“You sure you don’t mean a way with the girls?” I playfully respond.

“Maybe.” He shrugs and pulls me into an embrace. “I don’t notice who lets me in, my mind is solely set on getting to my beautiful girlfriend.” He tightens his arms around me and kisses my neck.

“Sweet talker,” I say, giving him a small nudge on his shoulder.

“Dangerous combination. Are you sure you want to go away with him, Sadie?” Jessa teases.

“She doesn’t really have a choice. If she denies me, I will take her over my shoulder and drag her there,” Brady retorts and picks up my bag.