“I’m sorry…it’s just, there’s something I need to tell you. If you only knew, Grant,” she sniffles. I don’t know if she’s talking about the pictures or not.

“I do,” I honestly say and she pushes away from me, fear replacing the tears in her eyes.

“No, you don’t,” she says determinedly, as if she already knows the truth but doesn’t want to admit it. I wasn’t going to tell her I found out, but rather wait for her to share it with me. I can’t keep this kind of secret from her. She deserves to know, even if it’ll hurt. “You…can’t.” She is now five steps away from me, and as much as I want to grab her, I know she needs space right now.

I nod my head in confirmation and she cries harder before running through the back door.

“Jessa!” I scream. When I get into the room, the front door is wide open and she’s gone. Shit, this isn’t what I expected to happen tonight. I’m such an ass…why didn’t I just tell her that I love her?

Jessa

I need to breathe so I start to run. It’s dark, cold, and wet out, but it helps me remember to let the air in and out of my lungs. The street is slippery, so I move to the snow and suddenly my socks and the bottom of my pants are soaked. I spot the lake and turn to run toward it. Slowing my pace, I stop at the edge, admiring the way the moon shines down across the lake. It’s so beautiful and instantly reminds me of Colorado. I sit down on the snowy ground and my ass gets wet, but I don’t care. At least it makes me think of something else besides Grant knowing what I did.

The cold wind chills me so I hold my legs up to my chest, shielding myself from it. Jason was nothing like Grant. Right from the start, I knew he wasn’t the one. It’s funny how he had such a similar appearance, but was so different inside. Jason came from the perfect family. His parents were still married and he had a sister and a dog, the whole package wrapped up in a nice big house with a wrought iron fence and security system in place. We had a lot in common, our families both had money, and we were both naïve to the outside world. Well, at least I was.

That night still haunts me. I remember lying under him and the flash blinding my vision in the dark room. His hands slowly unbuttoning my pants while light flickered down. The enjoyment on his face and how happy it was making him. I worried about the chance of them being shared, but I trusted him. He never gave me a reason not to. His soft touches turning into hard grasps. It wasn’t long before all I saw were fuzzy dots from the constant flashes. I never knew how many he took, but I guess he only picked the best ones.

The more I saw him getting turned on, the hotter it made me, and soon I was partaking as much as he was. Straddling him, I took the phone and snapped a few pictures myself. I had just cut and dyed my hair that night; I should’ve noticed myself changing already at that point. Jason didn’t like it and thought it was too drastic, telling me I lost my “soft beauty”. Part of me wonders if I agreed to take the pictures just to please him.

When we finished, he took me in his arms and as always, I felt safe. I thought we were on our way to our happily ever after. But life threw me a curve ball and hit me square in the back.

He exposed me and ruined not only my reputation, but my parents as well. Destroying all of us in one fell swoop of his phone. I tried to go back to school that semester, but the rumors being whispered behind my back and the constant offers I received from guys who wanted their own shot at taking pictures with me became too much.

Most of my friends deserted me, except for Beth. She loyally stayed by my side and how did I thank her? I left town and never contacted her again. We’d been roommates since our sophomore year and she was my best friend. She’s the one who dragged me off my knees that night and pushed me into a car, screaming at Jason. She’s the one who told me what Jason did with clear compassion in her voice.

Beth begged me to stay, telling me I should never run away from my problems. But that incident turned me into someone else. I know she kept up with my sister and parents for awhile, but after the hospital stay from depression and attempted suicide, it slowly faded. Sam told me she’s seen her around campus a few times and she’s happy I’m doing better. Since my parents and I didn’t tell Sam right away where I was going to school on the off chance she’d let it slip, it’s up to me now to contact Beth. Since Boulder isn’t that far, maybe I should try when I go to see my parents next week.

As I contemplate this in my head, I hear his footsteps approaching and I sigh, thinking of the horrible conversation I’m going to have with a man I’ve grown to love.

Chapter 11

Grant

There she is…finally. I’ve been through all these hills, but never checked the lake. She glances up as I approach, my footsteps crunching as I make my way across the snow. I hand her her jacket and she puts it on. Hesitantly, I take a seat next to her. I know from her shutters of breath that she’s still calming down. I prop my legs up, resting my arms on top of them and stare out at the lake. The sky is a little cloudy, so the stars aren’t as bright as they are in summertime, but it’s still a beautiful scene. It’s even more of an overwhelming sight with Jessa here.

“How did you find out?” she quietly asks me, continuing to stare forward.

“Someone found the pictures, but don’t worry, they’ll never get out,” I assure her.

“I’ve heard that before. They always get out,” she says and shudders a little more.

“Not this time. Believe me.” I peek at her through the corner of my eyes and she’s biting her lip while playing with her fingers.

“So…you probably think I’m a big skank?” she asks.

“Never. Why would I think that just because some jerkoff took advantage of you?” I grab her hand, relieved when she lets me.

“Those things I did…”

“Are the same things you’ve done with me,” I finish her sentence, not wanting her to feel ashamed or feel guilty.

“Yeah, but I let him take the pictures.”

I squeeze her hand. “Come back with me. It’s too fucking cold out here,” I say. When I stand up, she follows my lead and I wrap my arms around her. Silence envelops us as we walk back to the cabin, each one of us lost in our own thoughts. I want her back at the cabin because I’m still planning to do what I intended in the first place.

I open the door for us when we get back to the cabin and she moves to sit on the couch, but I firmly pull her toward the bedroom. We enter the quaint room with a king-sized bed in the middle and a nightstand on either side. I make my way into the bathroom and start to fill the tub with warm water.

I look back at her standing in the doorway. “Go ahead, take off your clothes,” I instruct her.

Fumbling through the cabinets, I find some bubble bath that someone must have left behind and pour it in. Glancing at her, I’m happy to see that she listened to me and is disrobing.

After the hot water fills the tub, I shrug off my own wet, cold clothes and put them in a pile on the floor. She’s staring down at the ground, stepping out of her jeans, and I wait patiently before offering her my hand.

She takes it gently, hesitantly allowing me to guide her to the tub. I step in, never letting go of her hand and wait for her to join me. “Sit down,” I request, and then scoot in behind her, encasing her body with my arms as the water rises above us. Her skin feels as soft and silky as always. I hope this wasn’t a bad idea, having her talk to me in the bathtub with both of us naked. But it was so cold and I noticed she was already shivering on the walk home.

“Will you tell me?” I ask.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I want to hear about it. But Jessa?” She turns her head to look up at me. “After this, it’s over. We won’t talk about it unless you want to. I don’t care one way or the other, but for both our sakes, I think you should tell me what happened. And don’t hold back, because it won’t change anything for me,” I admit to her, hoping it relaxes her as much as possible.