“It’s over, Jessa. Please, don’t try to mend my relationship with my father. I’m at peace with the fact that I don’t have parents.” The finality of the conversation hits me when he walks into the other room and turns the television on.

After I wash the dishes, I make my way over to him and sit on the couch. He reaches for my hand and I let him grasp it in his. I love how his large hand consumes my smaller one. Pulling on it, I follow his lead and shift closer to him. “I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head back and forth. “I didn’t mean to be an ass, it’s just that my dad’s an asshole, and I won’t waste my time on him.” He leans over and kisses me, and I let his lips graze over mine. “Please don’t let him ruin this,” he murmurs and I nod my head, remaining silent.

Chapter 13

Grant

I never told Jessa that when I opened the cabin door, a flash of the future hit me again. A small blonde-haired girl waddling toward me with pigtails and one of those sucky things in her mouth. I scoop her up in my arms, carrying her over to Jessa, who’s sitting on the couch. After kissing Jessa, I relax down with them, happy and content to be home.

I can’t believe how my mom nailed it. I’ve never brought another girl up here before. It never even crossed my mind until Jessa came along. But as much as I’d love to make this our home, my mom is right. There’s no way I can make any money living in the boondocks.

In a way, I’m glad Jessa found the letter. She needed to know about them, but I still chickened out about revealing the whole story. How I wasn’t there for my mom when she needed me the most. Or how I disappointed Lizzy. I know I’ll have to tell Jessa eventually, but I just didn’t want to ruin our weekend.

We pack up the bags and load them in the truck after spending the afternoon curled up in bed, watching television and making love. I was able to control myself better and take it slow with her. Her eyes shift endlessly as I lock the door and she releases a breath before walking back to the truck. I’m upset we have to leave, but Jessa appears to be on the verge of tears.

I climb in and notice she’s strapped in by the window, instead of next to me. Reaching across, I unbuckle her, pulling her over next to me and strapping her back in.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?” I ask, purposely not starting the truck until she’s honest with me.

“It’s just…I’ve only spent one night here and it feels like home.” She stares intently at the cabin, almost as if trying to embed the image into her memory. I pull her into me, kissing her on top of the head.

“We’ll be back,” I assure her. I wish I could tell her that it’s her home if she wants it to be. The words rest on the tip of my tongue, but I refrain from saying them. If I keep admitting how badly I need her, she’s bound to leave me.

“Promise?” she asks with a shaky voice.

“Promise. We’ll plan for another weekend as soon as we get back.” I squeeze her hand and start the truck.

By the time we roll back into Western, it’s dark and quiet, not unusual for a Sunday night. Most students stay in, preparing for the week. The thought of dropping Jessa off is excruciating. I love sleeping next to her; she keeps my memories at bay. She nuzzles up to me as though she just read my thoughts.

“Stay with me tonight?” she asks and my body screams yes, but my mind shuts it down.

“I can’t, I have to finish a paper,” I lie. The whole situation is going too fast, and I need to slow it down a little. We’re heading straight for a roadblock. No turn around, no u-turn. It’s either happily-ever-after or heartbreak, and from my experience, it’ll always end in heartbreak.

“Okay,” she says. I automatically know she assumes I’m lying. We haven’t spent a night apart in weeks. She releases a breath while staring out the window. Once we pull up to the Carsen’s, she grabs her bag, kisses my cheek and rushes out of the truck. She doesn’t say she loves me or that we’ll talk later…nothing.

Shaking my head, I throw the truck in park and open the door.

“Jessa?” I yell after her, but she continues walking toward the house, ignoring me.

Like a dipshit, I call out to her again, “Jessa!” Same reaction. My fist slams on top of the hood.

Following her up the steps, she shuts the door in my face, so I turn the knob and walk into the house.

Trey’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring at Jessa’s back before turning toward me. “Trouble in loveville?” he asks and I don’t respond, continuing to follow Jessa.

“Wait up, Jessa,” I pleadingly call out to her again, before jetting up the stairs and getting another door closed in my face. But this time, when I turn the knob, it’s locked.

I knock on the door. “Jessa, talk to me,” I beg.

“Nothing to talk about, Grant. Good luck on your paper,” she sarcastically says from the other side of the door.

“I’m sorry, Jessa,” I respond, leaning against her door.

“Fucked it up, didn’t you?” Brady walks down the steps from his room. “What happened?” he asks.

“I’m a shithead,” I admit, knocking again for her. “Please, Jessa, just open up the door.”

“Tried to run?” Brady confirms. The way he knows me, you’d never think we haven’t been friends for the past six years.

“No…just needed space.”

“Same thing. Come on downstairs with me,” he says, placing his arm around my shoulders, leading me away from the door. “SADIE!” he shouts upstairs. “Grant fucked up, can you talk to Jessa?”

I don’t hear Sadie’s response, but hear footsteps walking above me, signaling she heard. Brady leads me down to the music room in the basement. He grabs two waters from the mini-fridge and makes his way over to the couch. Soon, Trey and Dex make their way down too. I didn’t realize this was going to turn into ‘Operation Fix Grant’s Fuck-up’.

“I warned you, Grant. If Jessa’s upset, Sadie’s upset. If Sadie’s upset, I’m upset. What do you have to do to fix it?” he asks, while leaning back into the couch.

“It really wasn’t a big deal. She asked me to spend the night and I told her I had a paper to finish.”

“First off, it’s a big deal if she isn’t talking to you. Second, why would you not want to spend the night with her?” Trey chimes in, pulling two beers out of the fridge. He tosses one to Dex before turning his attention back to me. “I’ve been rooting for you guys this whole time, but you have to get your shit together,” he says, sitting down.

“I’ve got it together,” I tell him, standing up. “Listen, I appreciate this whole intervention thing, but if I’m going to solve the problem, I have to get up there.” I point my finger upstairs to where she is.

“Oh, you have at least twenty minutes,” Dex says. “Sadie’s with her, and everything you did or didn’t do will be picked apart and searched like it’s evidence at a crime scene,” he laughs and Trey joins in.

“You could be fucked after that discussion,” Brady jokes, but I see no humor in this whole situation. All I want to do is march up those stairs and convince her what a scared asshole I was.

The boys and I sit around for another five minutes bull-shitting about girls they’re either seeing or fucking. I stand up, unable to take it any longer. “There you go, boy. Get your girl,” Trey shouts up the stairs and I hear the room I just left fill with laughter.

Her door is shut so I lightly knock. Surprisingly, it opens this time with Sadie in the doorway.

“Last time,” she whispers, squeezing my forearm and walking downstairs.

Jessa’s lying on her stomach on the bed when I walk in, staring at her phone.

“Jessa,” I say, joining her on the bed. She doesn’t pick up her head so I continue. “I’m sorry. I’ve been an ass…again. This is hard for me, but I’m trying my best. As fucked up as I am, I do love you. I’m not trying to hurt you. I just don’t know what the hell I should do.”