“God no, Grant. Don’t think that. She knew you loved her and she loved you,” I say, desperate to assure him.

“I know that now. She didn’t have much longer and I know she felt she was delaying the inevitable. She feared she was becoming a burden, but it still doesn’t change anything.” He stares down at the ground and won’t look at me, so I get down and kneel on the floor.

“Look at me,” I tell him, placing my head right under his with my hands on his knees. Not knowing what to do, I get up and straddle him, placing his face between my hands. “Grant, she wouldn’t want you to suffer anymore. You were suffering right along with her. She loved you more than she loved herself. She wanted to end your pain. Those letters she left you, that’s her goodbye to you. She loved you so much that she took the time to make sure she would stay with you throughout all these years.” His eyes are empty and I worry I made a mistake, forcing him to relive the worst moment of his life.

“Don’t leave me,” he requests, and his blue eyes have a speck of life back in them.

“Stand up,” I instruct and he stands on his feet. I unbutton and unzip his pants, pulling them down his legs. He steps out of them while I grab his shirt, pushing it over his head. I quickly strip down and pull the corner of my comforter down. After I crawl under the covers wearing only my bra and underwear, I wait for him to join me. Once he’s in my bed, I wrap him in my arms, slowly moving my hands down his arms and back. “I’m not going anywhere, Grant. You never have to worry about that,” I whisper to him. We stay like that until we eventually get drowsy and fall asleep.

Chapter 1 4

Grant

We haven’t spent a night apart since we left the cabin and I have to admit, I’m starting to need her next to me at night. We’re all getting ready to go away for spring break this week. I had to take some money out of my savings account in order to take the time off work, but it’s worth it to be with Jessa. I briefly wonder how she’ll do, going back to her hometown, but so far she appears unfazed by it.

Brady’s house is bustling with activity by the time I arrive. Dex throws a duffle bag down the stairs as he yells, “Watch out below!” and I swiftly step over it, heading up to see Jessa.

I find her packing and I scoop her up into my arms. “Hey, babe,” I say, kissing her neck.

“Hi…I’m so excited,” she exclaims. “A week of skiing and my family. Prepare to be annihilated on the slopes,” she jokes.

“Really? You do remember I was on the ski team in high school?” I remind her and she playfully smacks my shoulder.

“Sorry, babe, but those were hills. We’re talking mountains. You don’t stand a chance.” She continues to throw stuff into her suitcase. There’s another difference between the two of us. My clothes are neatly packed, already in order of when I’m going to wear them, while Jessa’s case is in complete disarray.

“You want to make a wager?” I cock my eyebrow up to her.

“What do you have in mind?” She comes up to me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“Well…” I scrunch up my lips, staring up at the ceiling as though I am contemplating. “How about whoever gets to the bottom of the slope first goes without any undergarments on the night when I take you out to dinner,” I propose.

“Deal,” she says, sealing it with a kiss. “Prepare to keep those boxer briefs in the suitcase,” she laughs.

“Let’s go you two.” Trey knocks on the door and then stomps down the stairs.

We arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare. While Jessa calls her parents to let them know when we’ll get there, I go into the gift shop to purchase some magazines. The girl behind the counter reminds me of someone, but I can’t place her. She’s short and petite like Jessa, but has strawberry blonde hair. Her eyes travel up and down my body, and I don’t miss the sly smile that crosses her lips when I walk up. I can’t shake the feeling that I know her somehow, but her name tag reads ‘Kim’ and it’s not ringing any bells.

“Hey,” she says in a familiar voice.

“Hi,” I respond, laying the magazines on the counter.

“It’s been awhile,” she continues and I turn as if to see whether someone’s behind me, but I know there isn’t.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I ask, hesitant to receive the answer.

“Am I that forgettable? You seemed to know my name when you screamed it over and over again that night,” she whispers to me, leaning over the counter. Instantly, I look side to side to make sure Jessa isn’t anywhere around.

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember you. Are you sure you aren’t mistaking me for someone else?” I ask, hoping this is a case of mistaken identity.

“Grant Bishop, right?” she asks and my stomach drops. Shit, I must’ve fucked this girl and don’t remember it.

“That’s me,” I confirm.

“I have my break in five minutes if you want to relive the memories,” she says flirtatiously.

“Sorry,” I say and look at her name tag again, “Kim. I’m here with my girlfriend. I don’t remember you and I know that’s shitty of me, but I’m not interested in meeting you anywhere in five minutes,” I tell her and her face never falters.

“Lizzy?” she questions and a cold shock hits my body hearing the name.

“You knew Lizzy?” I ask.

“No, it’s just you kept talking about her after we finished that night. I can see why you don’t remember. We were pretty drunk,” she laughs, but I don’t see what’s so funny about the situation. Then it dawns on me. I must have met this girl right after Lizzy. I was a complete mess back then, drinking myself silly and screwing anyone who was willing.

“No, it’s not Lizzy. It’s someone else,” I inform her and pick up the magazines. “Thank you, Kim,” I say and walk out of the store.

“If you change your mind, you know where to find me,” she calls out as I make my way to Jessa. I don’t respond, since there’s not a chance in hell I’m going to change my mind. Maybe Trey should go buy a magazine; he’s always looking for a quick lay.

Seeing Jessa leaning against the wall and laughing with Sadie brings a calming feeling back over my body. Hearing Lizzy’s name made all those fears of losing Jessa go racing around my head again.

“Hey.” She welcomes me with her lips and I wrap my arms around her waist, squeezing her tight.

“I love you,” I whisper in her ear and she squeezes me harder. I’m thankful she does because it reminds me that she is worth it.

We board the plane, taking our seats. Trey and Dex end up on either side of a young, attractive college student and I laugh watching them try and up their game on her. Jessa and I sit next to each other, with me in the aisle and her in the middle. Sadie and Brady are behind us. We listen to the flight attendant’s instructions and Jessa cuddles up next to me as I reach around her, pulling her closer. That coconut and vanilla scent hits my nostrils, and I remember how I once thought she’d never be mine.

Jessa is asleep two seconds after the flight goes airborne. I watch the poor girl who’s squeezed between Trey and Dex as her head bobs back and forth, trying to give them equal attention. Thank God that’s not me anymore. I have to admit, this committed relationship thing is nice.

I just wish I could get Lizzy out of my head. Ever since that girl at the airport mentioned her name, I can’t turn off the memories. It’s the night I thought my life was over, but here I am with someone that means much more to me. Still, the questions that have flooded my mind for so long still linger there. Could it have worked? Would we have still been together?

The plane dips and Jessa stirs slightly, draping her arm over my stomach. Staring down at the blonde that I love more than I could ever express, I want to bottle up this feeling and keep it forever. My heart tells me that, it’ll always be there, but my mind says bottle it up fast because it’ll be over soon and you’ll only remember how much pain you’re in.