“Got it!” I tell him as she pulls me upstairs.

The house is dark upstairs, with only a small light streaming in from the family room. We get to her door and I encase her with my arms above her door frame. “How am I supposed to sleep without you?” I ask her.

“You’re the one that’s all, ‘be respectful’,” she mimics me from earlier using air quotes.

“That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy,” I tell her.

“Show me how hard it’s going to be.” She takes my shirt and pulls me into her.

I let my lips lightly brush against hers. Gradually my tongue licks her bottom lip and she opens, but I don’t insert my tongue. Instead, I take her bottom lip into my mouth and suck it slightly before letting go. My tongue runs along the bottom of her teeth and she brings her tongue to meet mine, teasing it. We explore each other’s mouths and my hands move from her face to her hips as I press myself against her. She bucks toward me and I know if we don’t end it soon, there’ll be no stopping. I pull my lips back, ending the kiss, and Jessa falls back against her door. “Goodnight, baby, I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you, too. Sweet dreams,” she whispers back.

“Always, when they’re about you,” I admit as I walk away, our hands touching until we have no other option than to part.

Chapter 17

Jessa

I watch Grant make his way down the hall. Not giving my feet a chance to betray me, I walk into my room. It looks the same as it did when I lived here, except my parents have cleared it out. I imagine my pictures and personal items from school are boxed up somewhere in the attic. As hard as they worked to try to keep my memories at bay, they can’t take away everything. In fact, I’m pretty sure they missed the picture that’s taped under my nightstand drawer, although I’m hopeful they found it.

Picking up my heavy suitcase, I plop it onto the bed. I open the dresser drawers, finding clothes that are more Sadie’s style than mine. Thoughts linger of who I used to be and I find my reflection in the mirror. As I stare back at the platinum blonde with heavy, dark eyeliner and multiple piercings up her ear, it still shocks me how comfortable I am in my skin now.

When my mom pulled me out of Grant’s room this afternoon, I was so angry because she wasn’t going to allow us to sleep together. The one thing that’s been running through my mind all night was when she said, “He’s changed you, Jessa. You are…well…you’re back.” She hugged me so tight, I thought my ribs would crack. “Give this new relationship space, honey. You don’t want what happened with Jason to happen with Grant.”

Thinking about it, I understand her point. Jason and I rushed into our relationship, as though we were the last two people on the planet. Foolishly, I believed him when he said it was love at first sight. He’d made it sound so romantic when telling people how he saw me from across the room and knew instantly that I would be his wife. My old naïve self-believed him, in awe at how much he loved me. I shake my head in regret of how stupid he made me look.

Thinking back, I remember things my friends would say that I always dismissed. “He’s vindictive, Jess,” my roommate Heidi told me once, but I ignored her. I always had an excuse for him and he always made excuses to me. It was always a bad grade, a guy from the fraternity, or someone he worked with. It never occurred to me that it was him. Not until the morning when everything changed, did I realize how manipulative and vicious he could be.

Those memories I can handle now. It still bothers me when I think of how many people saw me having an intimate moment with someone who was supposed to love and protect me, but it’s what I did after that still lingers beneath the surface for me. My skin crawls at the thought that I might not be here right now if it wasn’t for Sam.

Glancing around the room, I notice for the first time that all of my old pictures have been replaced with recent ones of me with my family and new friends. Walking over to my desk, I find more framed pictures. These have me and Sadie laughing, The Invisibles playing a show, and one of all of us on the porch that Mrs. F had taken a month back. When I sit on the bed, I see one of Grant and me at the cabin. He had used his phone to take the picture of us with the snowcapped trees in the background. The smile on my face and seeing Grant staring down at me with a loving grin across his lips make my insides tingle all over.

I reach over and grab my phone, knowing only one person could be responsible for this.

Me: You wouldn’t know a little elf, would you?

Grant: Hehe…I know an elf, but believe me, there’s nothing little about him.

Me: You’re too sweet to me. Thank you.

Grant: I’m not sweet enough, but glad you like it. I hope it makes it easier.

Me: You’d make it easier…please come back down.

Grant: Baby, we have to respect your parents. It’s only a few nights.

Me: Why are you being so compliant?

Grant: Don’t get me wrong. It’s taking everything in me not to crawl in bed with you right now.

Me: Don’t fight it baby! ;)

Grant: Sleep tight, beautiful. Dream of me.

Me:You’re the only one that fills my dreams Love you.

Grant: I love you too!

I place my phone down on the nightstand, next to the picture of Grant and me. Minutes later, a soft knock sounds on my door a second before I see the knob turning. “It’s about time you came to your senses,” I say before I see Sam enter through my doorway.

“I assume you were thinking I was someone else?” She raises her eyebrows, closing the door behind her. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” She walks over to my bed and sits down next to me. “Nice picture,” she remarks, reaching across me to pick it up. “I love him, Jessa. He’s the real deal this time.”

“I know. I love him too, Sam,” I admit and she hugs me tight.

“Good, because you deserve happiness, sister.” She places the picture back down. “Where was that taken?”

“He has a cabin in Pennsylvania. His mom left it for him,” I tell her. She looks surprised, so I explain the story about his mom and how she died. Sam is the most empathetic person I know and I end up having to pass her a few tissues after I grab some for myself.

“That’s really sad. No wonder he’s so guarded,” she adds.

“How do you know?” I ask her, shocked that she picked up on that.

“Okay, well don’t take this wrong because anyone can see how much he loves you, but you can tell he wasn’t lucky to have the family we have. Although he’s open with his affection to you, he’s more closed off with everyone else. For example, when I hug him, he stiffens slightly.” She stands up to walk around the room.

“I guess I never noticed that,” I say. He’s always been more than willing to show me affection, touching me and kissing me almost non-stop. Sometimes he’s so handsy, I have to tell him to calm it down when we’re in public.

She picks up the picture of all of us on the porch. “Who took all these?” she questions and turns around, holding the frame in her hand.

“The non-affectionate male you have been talking about,” I joke, and she starts laughing.

“Really? Maybe I’m wrong about him, or maybe it’s just you that makes that side of him come out.” She brings the photo over to my bed. “Either way, how sweet is this?” she beams over at me.

“I know, right?” A wide smile absorbs my face.

“Alright, enough about you and Mr. Mysterious, let’s talk Dex.” She sits up, crossing her legs on my bed. “Does he have a girlfriend? Is he a womanizer? What do you know about him?” She starts throwing out questions faster than I can answer them.

“Hold on, Sam,” I laugh, raising my palm up in the air. “Okay...he doesn’t have a girlfriend and he isn’t a womanizer, but he isn’t a saint either. He barely brings girls around the house. Usually, he and Trey just go out and don’t come home until morning. Why, do you like him?”