“Yes, thank you, you handsome devil.” She smiles widely and I wonder how I was able to win her heart.

“Do you think your parents are okay with me now?” The waiter comes by and opens our bottle of wine, pouring some into my glass. I tell him it’s fine, and he in turn pours wine into Jessa’s glass before setting down the bottle and walking away.

“Yes, whatever you told my dad outside resulted in a drastic turnaround. What’d you tell him anyway?” She purses her lips together, waiting for me to answer.

“Just that I love you.” I give her the abbreviated version and she rolls her eyes, knowing I’m keeping some information to myself.

The conversation continues about her parents and being back in Boulder. She confides in me that she’s nervous about going tonight, but is hopeful that we won’t run into anyone, other than her friend Beth, who Sam called and invited. I can’t help but think how nice it’ll be to meet someone from her past, other than her family. I tentatively ask where Jason currently is, and she reveals that the last time she heard anything, he was in Denver working as a mechanic. That after the incident, he got kicked out due to his grades. I have mixed feelings about this news that I most likely won’t run into him. Happy for Jessa, but upset that I probably won’t get the opportunity to knock my fist through his skull.

Our food arrives, and Jessa devours her steak. I laugh when she passes the busboy her empty dish, and she narrows her eyes at me jokingly. “Aren’t you happy you listened to me?” I tease her. She places her hand on the side of her face, concealing her mouth from the other customers, and sticks out her tongue.

We both opt not to order dessert, but stay to finish our wine. I know this is the worst time, but I need to find out where she and I are heading. “So, I think we need to talk,” I say and lean forward in the chair.

A surge of panic comes across her face. “What about?” she asks.

“What do you want to do after you graduate?” Brady was right. If we’re going to be together, we need to figure this part out.

“Well,” she says, looking a little relieved. “I was thinking about either trying to get a job at a museum or going to get my Masters. It’s a little late for me to apply, so I guess I’ll be finding a job until I decide.” She shrugs her shoulders, as if she doesn’t care one way or the other. If I had to point out one difference as to how Jessa and I live our lives, this would be it. Her life is more about relationships, whereas I’m more concerned with thoughts of how I’m going to make money and succeed. I can’t help but believe we have these differences because of our different upbringings.

“I need to start interviewing if I’m going to find a job,” I tell her. “I have nowhere to live once I graduate. I’m expected to leave the frat house within a month after graduation.” Now that I think about it, I’m terrified we might not have a future. If for some reason I can’t find a job nearby, will she follow me?

She holds my gaze and it appears a million questions are running through her pretty little mind. “What’re you saying, Grant?” she asks with a curt tone.

“I’m just saying, we need to start deciding what we’re going to do after graduation.” The pained expression that forms across her face punches me in the gut.

“Where does that leave us, Grant?” I see the questions overflowing in her head and I wish I could make it better for her. I wish I had all the answers to this, but I don’t.

“I don’t know. Depending on what happens, we might have to do a long-distance thing.” It’s the only solution I can come up with if we’re forced to live apart.

“You would just leave me? Am I that replaceable?”

“You’re not even close to replaceable. I don’t want to replace you. What the hell, Jessa? Why would you say that?” I start rambling, desperate for her to understand that’s not even close to the issue.

“Okay…” she trails off, staring at the people who walk by. Her mood shifts again.

“Jessa,” I sigh, but she doesn’t turn her head toward mine. “Look at me,” I plead, and when her head finally turns my way, I see that there are tears pooling in her eyes. I close mine in response, pissed off at myself for upsetting her tonight. She nibbles on the inside of her cheek, and I feel like a complete asshole. “I’m not saying…”

“You are though. Am I just fun for now…until you graduate? Were you just looking for a good fuck buddy, Grant? Is that it?” Her eyes shifted from sad to angry in less than a second. I can’t keep up with her moods. In the whole time we’ve known each other, I’ve never seen her like this.

“No!” I screech, my voice changing octaves. I can’t believe that these thoughts would even cross her mind. “I love you, Jessa. I’m just saying we need to figure this out,” I tell her again. I try to grab her hand across the table, but she pulls it back into her lap. How on Earth did I fuck this up so bad? “Jessa, listen to me,” I beg her, but she’s gone, somewhere I can’t reach. Although she’s right across the table from me, it’s just a shell of the woman I love. She’s silent, and her erratic breathing has her chest rapidly rising and falling.

I attempt to talk to her, but she quietly sits there, sipping her wine and ignoring my existence. She’s polite and courteous to the waiter, but as soon as he leaves, she becomes closed off again. I feel like I stabbed myself in the heart because I caused this.

Jessa

He’s hurting as much as I am right now. His eyes are troubled and I know his mind is running in circles trying to figure out how he messed up our first real dinner date. As much as I want to console him, I can’t stop these feelings of abandonment. When he brought up living apart, I felt as though he didn’t want me to go with him. I jumped to conclusions and now I’m just as responsible for ruining our first date as he is. Being back in Colorado has brought my insecurities to the forefront, and I need to remember that Grant loves me. He’s just worried about his future and I shouldn’t fault him for that.

I lift the wine glass and slowly take a sip, letting my eyes absorb him. As much as I want to be angry, I have to start understanding where he’s coming from. His upbringing was nothing like mine. If I’m going to be with him, I have to understand his need to plan for the future. Even though we’re opposites in the way we approach many things, we need to meet in the middle on this.

“Alright, Grant, I’m sorry,” I say, placing my glass down. His head jerks up, astonished. He starts to speak, but I quickly place my finger in the air. “Listen to me, first,” I tell him, and he shuts his mouth. “You have to stop this. I know you are freaking out about a job and a place to live. I promise when we get back, we’ll figure it all out. I do have to warn you, I’m not up for a long-distance relationship.” He tries to interrupt me, but I put my finger up again. “I’m not saying we’ll break up. Tonight we’re going to enjoy ourselves, and if you want to talk about this the night we get back to Western, fine. But right now, we’re not going to worry about it,” I finish, and a smiles consumes his lips. With a small nod, he catches the waiter’s attention, requesting the bill.

I ask him where we’re going, and he tells me it’s a surprise. I have a feeling I’m about to lose the bet. Grant signs the credit card slip and stands up, requesting my hand. This is one great thing about Grant; he appears as though nothing just happened. Even though it’s still rolling around in that brain of his, he’s willing to put it aside for me…at least for tonight.

The cold wind hits our faces as soon as we step outside. Grant puts his arm around my waist and pulls me into him. “I love you,” he says softly, kissing me on my forehead, and then my nose, and lastly, a short kiss on my lips.

“I love you too,” I tell him in return, anxiously waiting for more kisses. Instead, he grabs my hand and leads me down the street. “Where are we going?” I impatiently ask.