My shock causes all words to lodge in my throat, and I simply nod. No one has ever said anything like that. I’ve never gotten close enough to anyone to have any honest personal conversations. My roommates and Will probably know me the best, and even they haven’t ever heard everything about me.

He nods back and grabs my hand. Though he doesn’t lace our fingers together like I’m expecting–like a boyfriend would do with a girlfriend–he holds my hand like a friend would. I look down at our conjoined hands, letting the tingling feeling in my fingers shoot up my arm until I feel those tingles in my stomach. “Come on, let’s get you back so you can clean up,” he says, squeezing my hand.

Brooks drops me off at my door and promises to stop by later before the concert. I quickly shower before my next class, and go through the rest of my day with thoughts of Brooks, my reflective paper, and a phone call home I would need to make to complete it. All of it is plaguing me. It will take a good amount of guts to call my mother to have the discussion about my father that is long overdue, and it will take even more fun activities, and possibly alcohol, to revive myself afterward.

Brooks

This has been the best fucking day ever; well, besides the brief encounter with the she-devil Amber Jennings. Vivian seems to be opening up more to me, and I even held her hand. I know, big fucking deal; I’m not fourteen, and this isn’t junior high. But with Vivian, I’ll take what I can get, and to hold her hand felt so damn good. I’ve spent extra time this evening picking out the right outfit and making sure my hair is just right. Shit, I might need to worry less about Will and check my own vag-status.

I’m running the last bit of gel through my hair when I hear a soft knock at the front door. I swiftly wash my hands and dry them on my shower towel to answer the door. When the door swings open, all of the light and fluffy feelings I had two minutes ago evaporate, and my heart drops in to my stomach.

“I’m sorry, is Will here?” Vivian sniffles and attempts to hide her smeared mascara and rosy cheeks. Her efforts are fruitless; she is a total wreck. I scowl, thinking someone has hurt her and that she needs Will to beat someone’s ass. I peer into the hallway, looking for the culprit, only to find it empty. “What happened? Whose ass do Will and I need to kick?”

“No one.” She tries to laugh through her tears. “I just needed to talk to someone, and the girls are already gone.”

My jealousy and rage spike. I contain myself out of respect for her obvious fragile state, but I’m pissed that she came here looking for him, and didn’t bother to think of me. “He’s not here; he left early to help Campbell set up.” My tone sounds surprisingly calm, considering how my insides are vibrating from my disappointment.

“Oh, that’s right; I knew that. Sorry to bother you.” Her eyes build with tears, and she looks down to avoid me seeing them. She turns to walk back to her room, and I stow away any of my damaged pride, realizing I don’t want her to leave. “Wait, Red,” I say, reaching for her elbow. “I know I don’t compare to Will, but I would really like it if you came in. If you feel like talking, great; if not, that’s okay, too. We can watch a movie or something to help you get your mind off of whatever is going on.”

“What about the show? You look like you are all ready to go; I don’t want to ruin your evening.”

“Vivian, for being one of the smartest people in our little group, you sure can be clueless sometimes,” I tell her. “The only reason I was going tonight was to hang out with you, and if you’re not going, then I have no interest in being there.”

She pauses, evaluating either my offer or how I feel about her. Frankly, I don’t give a shit, as long as I can convince her to come over. I begin to fidget with my shirt, worried that she might actually decide it would be better to go home and be alone than spend the evening with me.

Just when I don’t think I can take another second of indecision, she walks past me into my room. I exhale and give myself a second to figure out what to do next. I didn’t really think about what would come next; I was too worried about getting her to stay. I’ve never had a girl here. This is my safe zone, and she’s not here in a hook-up capacity, which makes this even more foreign to me.

I walk back into the living room, expecting to see her on my couch having a complete emotional breakdown. Thankfully, she’s in the bathroom, which gives me a few more minutes to collect myself. I grab two glasses and a bottle of tequila and set them on the coffee table. I then review our collection of DVDs and pull out a few of our girliest movies. I end up with only one, Dumb and Dumber. I figure at least it’s a comedy, and it will make her laugh if nothing else.

I hear her blow her nose, followed by the bathroom doorknob turning. I hustle to the couch and take a seat, hoping that I appear relaxed without looking overzealous. I pour us each a drink when I see her just standing in the hallway unsure of what to do next. I stand, taking it to her. “It looked like you could maybe use this,” I say, placing the glass in her hand.

She offers a tight-lipped smile and takes a small sip of the liquor. Instantly she begins to choke, and her eyes tear up from the burn. I pat her on her back, but she waves me away. “I’m alright,” she chokes out. I grab her a bottle of water from the fridge and she guzzles the cool liquid to ease her throat.

“Come on. I picked out a movie; find a spot and get cozy.” I direct her to the couch and head to the DVD player to get the movie started. Our couch is not covered like theirs, and I notice the look she gives it before she sits down. “I never bring girls here, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I tell her before continuing my work on the film preparation.

“No…well yeah, sorry,” she stutters as she sits down. I want to be offended, but I laugh instead; she smiles back, letting me know that her anxiety is slowly fading. “I always sit in the recliner when I’m over here with Will. I guess I just assumed that the couch has seen a lot of action. I’m sorry, that really is kind of shitty of me to think.”

I push play and return to the couch, sitting on the opposite side, not wanting to seem presumptuous. “No, it’s fine; I would think it would be a safe assumption. But really, you’re the first girl I’ve ever invited to my dorm room. Now I can’t confirm the amount of upholstery cleaning that occurs between years; who knows the history of this bad boy?” I say, patting a cushion. When I really evaluate what I could be rubbing my hand over, I pull it away with a look of disgust that matches Vivian’s. “Maybe a couch cover isn’t such a bad idea. I’m never out here; when I’m home, I usually watch movies in my room.”

“Is it a hygienically safer place? And do you promise to keep your hands to yourself if we watch the movie in your room?” she asks skeptically. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t feel confident being alone in a bedroom with me either if I was a girl. I would usually show off my best moves and lay the charm on thick, but right now, I have no desire to go that route with her. Scratch that—desire, yes, but my conscience wouldn’t allow it.

“I promise this is an evening on friendly terms only. I wouldn’t sleep with you tonight, even if you begged.” I stand, gathering the glasses and alcohol and hand them to her. She grips onto the bottle and waits for me to eject the movie. She then tentatively follows me to my room, and I close the door behind us. “Go ahead and sit anywhere,” I tell her, taking everything from her and sitting it on the minuscule desk in the corner of the room. Without having a roommate, I was able to rearrange a bit to make my room a little more comfortable and spacious. That included taking down the extra bed and replacing it with a chair and small desk.