“You would do that?” she says in disbelief.

“I would do anything you needed to see that smile.” I bring our tangled hands to my mouth and kiss her wrist. “Thank you for trusting me with that story,” I say as I take our hands away and tuck them into my chest.

“I’m sorry about your dad,” she responds, the words so hushed I can barely hear her. I smile lightly and then direct her body down to the bed. Resting our heads on my pillow, I loop my arm around her waist and tenderly tug her body backwards until her back is snugly against my chest. I curl around her tiny frame and nestle my face in her soft auburn hair. I wiggle in closer and kiss her neck. “Please stay here tonight. We don’t have to do anything but lie here. I just want to hold you and wake up with you in my arms in the morning. I’m not ready to let you leave yet.”

Vivian turns in my arms, letting me see her beautifully muddled eyes. “I don’t want to leave either. Your arms around me are the only things that have felt right in a long time.”

I allow my fingers to explore her fiery locks, her exposed cheek, and then her neck, cupping my hand around the base and pulling her lips to mine. I’m never nervous with girls, but I feel Vivian shiver in my arms and it sends chills down my body. My stomach is fluttering with anxiousness, but I know I can’t let this go any further than this for now.

I deepen the kiss, allowing us to briefly lose ourselves in the moment. She tastes like drops of Heaven, and I try to drink in every ounce of her. It feels wrong to slow things down; we should be mangled together, enjoying every inch of each other, but if I want this to be something real, I know I need to back off for tonight. Sensing my hesitation, Vivian moves her head away briefly and returns only to leave a long lingering peck on my lips. I’ve never had sensual. I’ve never had emotional. It’s always been just fucking and getting off with other girls. This is entirely different. I feel more turned on with her one kiss than I ever had fucking some random girl. I could spend a lifetime discovering her mouth.

I kiss her forehead once more, and she snuggles into my chest. I gradually hear her breathing even out, and relish the feeling of her asleep in my arms. I hold on tight, afraid that I’ll wake up and it will all have been a dream. I struggle to stay awake, not wanting our night to really end, but eventually I give in to the pull of exhaustion.

When I wake the next morning, I realize that our bodies have not moved. Vivian is still nestled tight to my body, and I just relax onto my pillow to watch her sleep. I study every feature, committing them all to memory in case last night was all I ever get with her. It isn’t long before she stirs, and her eyes leisurely open. That’s when her most amazing feature is revealed. Staring back at me are the most brilliant green eyes. Her eyes have always been a mixture of colors, never pledging allegiance to any one shade, until now. Now I’m sucked into a field of clovers. If mornings are the only time that they are like this, then I want to make it my mission to wake up next to her for the rest of my life. I want to be stingy and never share my emerald orbs.

“What’s wrong?” she asks when she notices that I’m just staring at her. She tenses in my arms, and I squeeze her tighter, trying to ease that tension.

“Nothing, Viv, everything is perfect. This has been perfect. Please tell me it doesn’t end when you leave this morning.” I rest my head on the top of hers, bracing myself for the possibility of disappointment.

“I don’t want this to end either. Can you handle what that means though?” She’s questioning my fidelity, and I understand. But she needs to know that there is no other girl that would ever compare to her, I don’t need to look any farther than what is in my arms right now.

“I’m not going anywhere, Viv. I promise. It’s just you and me.”

Not caring about our morning breath that could probably choke a donkey, she scoots up and kisses me, and then whispers the only word I needed to hear. “Okay.”

Brooks

November has officially brought the change of seasons. The first snow hasn’t arrived yet, but we have all been anticipating it. While December 21st marks the first real day of winter, in Colorado, winter weather begins when it wants. I’ve barely noticed though; the only thing that has my attention is Vivian. She fills every minute of my day; if I’m not with her, then I’m thinking about her. I have to force myself to pay attention in class, but I don’t mind the distraction; my time with her has been the best month and a half of my life.

With Campbell’s help, the girls have gradually accepted me. Even Jen has called a truce, which is maybe the cause for the change in weather–hell froze over. Will, on the other hand, has been somewhat standoffish about mine and Vivian’s relationship. I think he misses their friendship, and seeing me with her seems to make him uncomfortable. I’ve suggested setting him up on a few dates, but he has refused each time.

Vivian is in class all morning today, and then we are supposed to be meeting everyone for lunch in the dining hall. I’m using the time to try to work on my final English paper. Our reflective essay for Vauldin is due in three weeks, and neither Vivian nor I have written a single word. We both feel stuck.

The letters from my father have continued to arrive, and he keeps asking me to visit him. Vivian has encouraged me to see him; she even offered to go along, but I can’t decide if I’m ready to see him. My mother has refused to ever talk about him, and there are so many unanswered questions. I suppose maybe that’s why Vivian and I relate to each other so well. We fill each other’s voids that our parents left behind. She is taking the first step though. Next week, before our Thanksgiving break, we are driving to Colorado Springs together to read the court documents and investigative reports surrounding her dad’s case. I’m so proud of her for facing her past. I’m not that brave; to be honest, when it comes to my real dad, I’m a coward.

My computer screen is still blank when Will walks through the door, throwing his backpack on the couch and falling into the recliner. He doesn’t turn on the television or pull out his books; he just sits, silently staring at me, fidgeting with his hands. “Dude, what’s going on?” I ask him, turning in my chair to fully face him. “I’m fresh out of Xanax, and you’re way too damn big to have to resuscitate if you keel over from a panic attack.” I thought that was rather funny, but he merely cracks a small smile. The usual Will would have some witty retort that would put me in my place, but he says nothing.

“Okay, let’s hear it. Something has crawled up your ass and I can tell that you’re dying to extract it.”

“Fuck,” he mumbles as he rubs his hands over his face. He finally steadies himself, placing his hands on his knees. “I need you to tell me that you love her. I need you to tell me that you are not going to make her fall for you and then break her heart. You need to promise me that you are not the guy that I first met when we moved in here.”

“What the fuck, man!” I say sternly, squaring off my shoulders. “I haven’t even told her that I love her, and you want me to tell you? I had always questioned whether or not you actually have a vagina, and you’re pretty close to confirming my suspicions of Team Pink. Guys don’t talk about this shit, Will.”

He stands and begins pacing the room. “Dammit, Brooks, you’re my friend, and if the two of you are happy, then I’ll back off. I just want to make sure that you treat her the way she deserves. I know you two are sleeping together, and I don’t want to see her hurt when you get bored and move on.”

“Fuck you, Will,” I growl and stand. “If you were my friend, you would think more of me than that. You know what I think? I think you’re jealous. You want a relationship like she and I have, and it fucking eats you up.”