“Your eyes are never the same color; they are usually different variations of brown. I can always tell your mood by the shade. But in the mornings, they are something completely different. When you first wake up, they are green. This vivid emerald green that is so enchanting and so stunning that they just pull me in, and I feel like I can lose myself in them. Your eyes are like four-leaf clovers, Viv, and when I wake up next to you, knowing that I’ll be the only one to get to see them like that...” He pauses, searching for the right words. “Viv, I just feel so damn lucky that it’s just me that gets to see that piece of you.”

His words leave me speechless. What does one say to something so raw? He is showing me emotion that he has never shown anyone before, emotion that I have never even felt before. I have never said ‘I love you’ to anyone before; I know I feel it for Brooks, but God, it’s scary to admit. He has somehow possessed my soul; I have fallen so hard that my heart would shatter if he decided I wasn’t what he wanted anymore. I don’t know if I could survive him, but I want to.

I smile, but the tears that I have been struggling to hold back begin to slide down my face. He wipes them away with his thumbs and rolls on top of me, stretching his body to cover mine. He looks into my eyes and then at my lips, like he’s asking for my permission. When our eyes meet again, he crashes his mouth to mine. Our kiss is deep and urgent, like we might never get this moment back and we want to savor every second.

Brooks slows us down to catch our breath. “God, I love you, Viv,” he says against my lips with a long exhale. “Don’t ever fucking leave me, Clover; I don’t think I could live without my green mornings.”

And just like that, he calms my anxiety. He slowly lifts my shirt and begins kissing down my body, exploring every inch with his delicious lips. All I can think about is how he won’t hurt me; he is as scared as I am, but found the guts to tell me anyways. He laid it all out there for me; can I really let him think I didn’t feel the same? My brain is whispering. Yes, you can. Men leave; protect your heart. But my heart is shouting, tell him, or you will lose him! My heart wins the battle.

Pulling him up to meet my face, I kiss his swollen lips, and then push him over so that I can straddle his strong legs. He grips onto my hips and I can feel his excitement, his need for me. I grind into him, and he hisses between his gritted teeth. I lean down and place feather kisses along his cheekbones and over his eyes. Slightly pulling back, I sigh, “I love you too, Brooks, but please don’t break me.”

Brooks sits up, looking into my eyes, and he cups my face. “I promise, Clover, I’ll worship every part of you that you’re willing to give me. Let me love you.” He kisses my cheek, dusting down my jaw line, and onto my collarbone, his soft hands caressing my back.

I let out a slight whimper at his touch. “Brooks,” is all I manage to get out between my heated breaths. He stops and looks up to me, “Tell me what you need.” I brush the backs of my knuckles along his cheekbone and tell him as confidently as I can, “Show me.”

Grinning ear to ear, he cradles my head in his hands, smoothing my hair. “I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life showing you, Red.” He takes control, gently pushing me back to the bed, sliding my pajama pants down, and pulling my top off. He takes my puckered nipple into his mouth, and I gasp from the overwhelming sensation.

He licks his way from one breast to the other, giving each its fair share of attention before finding my lips again. I weave his hair through my fingers, and when he takes my bottom lip between his teeth and bites down, I pull his hair and moan from the mixture of pleasure and pain.

He grabs my hands and pins them above my head with one hand, whispering in my ear, “I want us to fall together.” He slowly rocks into me, but I buck my hips, encouraging him to move faster, harder. Meeting my demands, he withdraws almost entirely out of me, only to slam into me once again. I’m panting so hard I can barely catch my breath. “Oh, God, I’m there Brooks. Crash with me,” the words tumble out of my mouth on a ragged exhale. I’ve finally figured out what the fuss is all about.

Brooks picks up the pace and I match him thrust for thrust, creating our own symphonic rhythm until we both plummet over the edge of bliss. His whole body goes rigid, he grumbles through his teeth, and then collapses onto me, burying his face into my neck, both of us struggling to calm our breathing. “Fuck, I love you, Clover,” he sighs into my hair. “This heart is forever yours, Viv.”

“Forever,” I respond before my body relaxes and the exhaustion pulls me under. “You’re my forever, Brooks.”

By the time we finally pull ourselves from his bed and load up in the car for the long drive south, all of the tranquility of the early morning has vanished. Brooks does his best to distract me along the way by turning on an all 80s and 90s radio station and encouraging me to rock out along with him. We play car games like I spy; he even tried out ridiculous knock-knock jokes. For the most part, his efforts were a success. Well that is until he pulled in front of the courthouse.

“You ready?” Brooks asks, putting the car into park. He caresses my knee and smiles, trying to ease my apprehension.

“No, but I’m going in anyways.” I squeeze his hand and open the car door to get out. It’s mid-afternoon, so I know that we have a limited amount of time to go through things. Brooks turns off the car and climbs out as well. Walking around the front of the car, he grabs my hand when he reaches me and leads me into the building. It’s so dreamlike; the courthouse looks like nothing special, just a plain brick building that could be replicated in any city in America, but inside it might hold all of the answers I’ve ever searched for.

Brooks opens the front doors for me and a security officer instructs us to remove our valuables to go through the metal detector. The seriousness of my surroundings punches me in the gut, and I mechanically move through the machine, following all of his directives. Once through security, we find the directory to locate the public records office.

“Second floor, Viv. This way,” Brooks says, pointing to the wide staircase at the end of the hallway off the front lobby area. He cords our fingers together, and we climb the stairs; each footstep matches the pounding of my heart, and it feels like it might beat out of my chest. “Don’t worry; no matter what it says, I’m still here,” Brooks declares when we reach the top of the stairs and see the sign for the office we came in search of.

The woman at the receptionist desk barely looks up from her computer screen when we enter the office. Her bright red hair has been drastically teased into some sort of beehive on top of her head, and the pencils sticking out of it would make one think that she is a busy little bee. Her actions speak otherwise. The solitaire game she is absorbed in apparently requires complete concentration. I actually have to ring the bell on the counter to pull her eyes away long enough to give us any information.

“We are here to look at the records pertaining to an old murder case,” I announce.

“Do you have the case number?” she asks, clearly unhappy that her game has been disturbed.

“No, ma’am. I only have the name,” I tell her.

“Sorry, can’t help you without a case number.” She abruptly turns her chair and resumes her clicking of the mouse, moving and shifting cards to various rows to line up the matching suits. I look over at Brooks, who only shrugs. I take a deep breath; I refuse to leave this building without seeing the files I came for. I look at the nameplate on her desk, and then ring the bell continuously until she gives me her full attention.