“Thank you, sweet baby Jesus. There is your door,” Amanda announces. Yes, thank you. I swear that if I have to hear Amanda for one more minute, I am going to trip her and let the herd around me trample her.

My door flies open and I’m surprised to see that I’m the first of the roommates to move in. My dorm is not your typical room; it really resembles an apartment more than a dorm room. There is a small living room and kitchenette, a hallway with two bedrooms to the right, and a bathroom to the left. Yes, my actual bedroom is smaller than my closet back home and I’ll have to share it, hopefully with someone that won’t want to smother me in my sleep, but it’s mine, and I already feel different. I feel grown up, independent, and I’m excited that I’ll finally get to be just me. No one’s little shadow, no more sisterly beauty comparisons, no more reputations to protect, secrets to keep, no more rumors or pretending. Yes, college and I are going to get along great.

I throw my bags on to the ground in front of my bed, Amanda, of course, flings herself on the couch like she gets to live here, and my mom gets busy making my bed. I can see Amanda is no longer going to be of any use to me, so I quickly get to work unpacking and organizing my cramped little cubicle of a room.

The knock and hesitant “hello” breaks my feverish work, but the boisterous screech that follows forces my attention to the door. Stumbling through is the cutest slight of a girl with short blonde curls, blue eyes, and a death glare directed at her mother, who from the looks of it, pushed her into the room.

“Dammit, Jen, these people out here are going to stage a revolt; get through the door.” The pixy’s mother comes to an abrupt standstill when she notices us in the room, and her eyes go wide. Amanda, once again, joins the land of the living and we follow the woman’s gaze directed at my mother.

“Evelyn,” she gasps, “I haven’t seen you since the trial; it’s been so long.” I see my mother begin to tear up, and the lady rushes to her and pulls her into a strong embrace. Pixy and I look at each other like we are lost in translation, with no answers for one another, just waiting on our mothers to clue us in.

“I’m fine, thank you, Kim. Yes, it has been a long time. Thirteen years this fall,” my mother says, stepping away from the bear hug she is engulfed in. “Vivian, this is Kim; she worked with your father. Jen, it’s good to see you again, sweetheart. The two of you used to play together when you were little. You were getting ready to go to the same preschool before we moved.”

And there it is. I look at Jen, and I see the exact moment when it clicks for her; she knows all about my family. I have to give her credit though; she recovers quickly. “Thank you, Mrs. Donavan. It’s good to see you all as well.”

My past, my father’s death, my constant pity-party has followed me to college…great. I came here to get away from this exact scenario. When we moved to my mother’s hometown after my father was murdered, the uncomfortable feeling of having an entire town know what happened was suffocating. All I wanted to do was turn eighteen, go to college, and start over. I couldn’t keep seeing the sad stares and watching people try to tiptoe around my lack-of-a-father situation. Now here it is again, looking me straight in the face.

My face feels warm and my ears are burning. This predicament has me completely turned inside out and completely let down, embarrassed that Jen and I will have to not only know each other, but live together.

But then, Jen gives me a huge smile and takes my hand in hers, shaking it fiercely. “My mom kind of stole my thunder. So I’d like to start over. I’m Jen! Please tell me that you have cute shoes, because the closets look pint-sized and sharing is going to be a must. I don’t care what size you are; I will squeeze my feet into whatever you have.”

Relief floods my face, and my laugh spills over my lips. “I’m Vivian. And you can borrow whatever you like, as long as you have awesome handbags that I can steal.”

“Don’t you worry, Jen; I carried the entire Macy’s shoe department up here in duffel bags. You guys will be fashionably well-equipped,” Amanda chimes in.

The tension that was choking me is completely gone, and we all get to work unpacking and finishing up. Jen and I decide to share the same room; the other two roommates haven’t shown up yet, and since we already get along, it would be better to be safe than sorry.

Within the hour, everything is done, and I am itching to get my mom and little sister out. Jen and her mom go out to pick up a few things from Target for our room, and the others have not shown up, so it’s the perfect time to say our goodbyes. I know what’s coming; my mother won’t be able to contain the waterworks, but in no way do I regret my decision to come here.

No longer able to contain herself, Mom belts out, “Baby girl, if you miss home, you can always transfer back and go to the community college for the spring semester.”

“I’ll be fine, Mom. I’ll call every week, and I promise to drive home often.” I pull her into a hug and whisper into her ear, “You know I’ll miss you, and I love you, but I need to do this…for me. Please be okay with this.”

“I am, Viv. I’ll just miss you so damn much,” she says as a tear escapes her eye. She wipes it away quickly; she’s trying to be strong for me, but her eyes are betraying her.

Amanda finally looks up from her phone that she has been on all afternoon, texting her flavor of the month, no doubt. “Hey, what am I, the leftover kid?” she complains.

“I’m glad that you can finally admit that, Manda. I was starting to feel guilty about being Mom’s favorite,” I shoot back in a teasing tone.

Amanda crinkles her nose in insult, and rises from the couch that she has not moved from in hours. Her idea of helping has been to bark orders from her throne to all of us peons. Now that she is a senior in high school, apparently her coolness-level is off the charts. “Ha ha ha, Viv, that is just so funny. Besides, you and I both know that that coveted role belongs to Charlotte.”

“That is absolutely not true, Amanda Marie! I love all my girls just the same, and you know that,” my mother’s clipped tone lets us know the teasing is officially over. Her nerves are shot, and her emotions are written all over her face. She certainly doesn’t want to be having this conversation, joking or otherwise.

Yes, Charlotte, my older sister. She went the route my mother wishes I would. She’s three years older and went to a community college locally to get her Registered Nurse License. She graduates at the end of this year, and plans to stay there and work at the local hospital…well, until she gets married at least. Her dream is to get married, have kids, and be a stay-at-home mom. While I think that is great, Charlotte has more potential than any of us, is smarter than any of us, has more talented than any of us, and yet she doesn’t want to do anything with it. I really love her, but when I see her, all I can think is wasted talent. I don’t want that to be me.

After my father died, she took on a pseudo-parent role in the household. While Amanda is the free-spirited sister, Charlotte is the mother hen, and well, I’m just trying to be normal, whatever that is.

My mom’s voice breaks into my whirling thoughts, “Okay, it’s getting late, and it’s a long way home; we better get on the road Amanda.”

I give my mom and Amanda one last hug and say my good-byes, promising a trip home as soon as possible. It’s a promise that I hope I really don’t have to keep. When they finally leave, I let out a heavy sigh and relax onto my perfectly made bed. This is my new home. Good, bad, or ugly, this is my new life, and I’ve never wanted anything more.