I can’t believe what’s coming out of her mouth; it doesn’t make sense, and I’m starting to feel like my best friend got played.

“Oh, Jen, that sounds absolutely ridiculous. Why would anyone do something like that?” Apparently, Carly and I are on the same page.

“If he didn’t love me and want to be with me, why not just tell me? Why go to all the trouble of breaking my heart? That’s just fucking cruel.”

“I know, Viv. I know. I didn’t understand at first either.”

“Okay, well, explain.”

“He said if you found out who he really was, it would hurt worse than anything he did that night. He said he needed you to stay away from him in order to protect you. He knew that cheating was a deal-breaker for you, but he could never actually go through with being unfaithful to you. He said it was going to be bad enough that he would make you believe he did, and he would lose you. He thought he was keeping you safe from something; I don’t know what he was hiding, but I figured it was bad if he was willing to go to the extent he did to keep it from you.”

Tears are stinging my eyes; my throat begins to tighten, but the rest of my body is numb. I’m in disbelief that my best friend would keep this from me. She saw what he did to me, how long it took me to trust again, to love again. For months, I questioned what was wrong with me. I struggled with the thought that my past had damaged me so badly, that Brooks felt he had to run from me, and that he found me undeserving of his loyalty and love. How could she let me continue to believe that, when with a few words she could have restored my confidence?

“Why?” I struggle with the word, and it’s all I’m able to say. My heart and head are raging a massive war with raw emotions of anger, betrayal, hurt, and, to some degree, relief, churning around me. I feel my face warming, and my stomach is unbearably twisting.

“I’m so sorry, Vivian,” she says, shaking her head, panic written all over her face.

I turn my head away from her; I can’t look at her. “Why?” I repeat.

“He begged me not to tell you the truth; he felt it was best that you stayed away from him. Whatever he was going through would have hurt you, and I believed him. Then once you and Will got together, I thought that you had moved on and it didn’t really matter anymore. I didn’t think that you would ever see him again, and he would just be some asshole ex-boyfriend we could add to the dickhead list.”

“But you knew he would probably be there last night; didn’t you think that that piece of information would have been useful for me to know? I treated him horribly; I said terrible things to him. It’s pretty shitty to find out that I’ve hated him, and wasted this hurt and energy on a fucking lie.”

“When you said that he called you Clover, I knew, Viv. This was never over for him, and he still loves you. I’m sorry; I just couldn’t keep the secret anymore.”

I push my chair back and stand, gathering my satchel and coffee. “I need to go. I’ll text you later; I just can’t talk to you about this right now.”

“Please don’t leave, Vivian. We can’t leave it like this,” Carly interjects. Jen sits quietly with her head down, and it’s just as well; I don’t want to hear anything else she has to say right now.

“I can’t; I promise I’ll call. I just need to be alone right now and process this fucking shit storm that I walked through this morning.”

I fight my way through the remaining coffee crowd and escape through the front doors. Once outside, I let the sunlight hit my face and take in the crisp morning air, appreciating every bit of it as I take long breaths of it into my lungs.

Turning towards home, I slowly begin to make the trek. I let the words rattle around my head until they pound into my skull with every step. He never cheated. Step. He was protecting you. Step. My best friend lied to me. Step, step.

How can karma be this twisted? I must have been a major bitch in a past life; maybe I was an Amber, and this is my reincarnation punishment. Instead of sending her back as a cockroach, nope, send her back as Vivian Matthews and fuck up her shit.

I turn my five-minute walk into thirty, and Amanda’s car is in the driveway by the time I get home. I scrub my hands over my face, clearing away any signs of the tears I shed throughout my excruciating morning. I may fool my munchkins, but my red swollen eyes and runny nose will surely give me away to Amanda, and it’s August, so I can’t exactly blame the weather.

I take a deep breath, clear my mind of the drama, and push open the large mahogany door that will lead me to the two bright stars I have in my cataclysmic mess of life.

“Momma, you’re home!” they shout, running towards me.

I smile, and my world becomes right again, at least for the moment.

Brooks

I’m sitting with my morning coffee on the back deck, letting the voices in my head invade my every thought. I live far enough away from town that I’m allotted a certain amount of solitude, and this morning I’m grateful for it. The sun has just come up over the horizon and the bright pinks of the morning light are a welcome sight to ease my melancholy mood. I don’t usually wake up this early, not since my little girl started sleeping through the night, but my mind has been plagued with the regrets of my past, and it has negatively impacted my sleep.

It’s been a week since I saw Vivian at the reunion, and I have felt every second of those 168 hours. I nearly had to cancel my phone service, or amputate my hands to keep from calling Jen to get her number. Because Jen knows the truth, she’s the only one that wouldn’t maim me for even asking for Vivian’s information. I didn’t expect to feel the way I did when I saw her. In a single moment, the pain I had been running from for all these years came slamming into me.

Vivian was my one, the only woman that I ever wanted to spend my life with. I may or may not have broken down and Facebook-stalked her for the last few days. I felt like I was spying on the life that I should have had with her. Hey, don’t judge me.

I really figured that after this long, Jen would have told her what had really happened between Amber and me, which was absolutely nothing. Needless to say, I was shocked that she still thinks I cheated, and that she hates me.

I’ve spent the last decade trying to avoid the thought of her. I focused on my career, building a successful architectural firm. When it came to women, well, I spent my evenings fucking my way through the tri-state area, trying to let go of the one woman who I couldn’t forget. I used women to dull the pain, numb the remaining shreds of my heart, but nothing worked.

It crushed me to let her go ten years ago, but I really thought I was letting the better man win. Will would never hurt her, and knowing who I was and where I came from was something I don’t think she could have ever forgiven. Losing her only compounded my torment, but it was worth it to know that she was happy and her heart was safe.

But now Will is gone; Will is fucking dead.

“Daddy, can you come snuggle me?” Grace’s sweet voice breaks through my self-deprecating thoughts. She is standing just inside the house, leaning on the doorframe to the deck, snuggled up in her pink fleece blanket, and gripping her favorite stuffed elephant. Her curly raven hair is standing on end; the back, I’m sure, is entirely frizzed, and my only hairstyle option for the day will be a ponytail.

“Sure, Lovebug, go warm up our spot on the couch, and I’ll be there in just a second with Sleeping Beauty.”

“No, Daddy, the mean dragon-lady is scary. I want Cinderella.”

“You got it, baby. I’ll be right there.”

Satisfied with the plan for the morning, she turns and runs into the house to make our couch fort for the movie. No doubt, when I get in there, she will have a full zoo of stuffed animals propped all around the couch to view the family feature.