“Um, I’m sorry, we were just going to go look for you. She was telling me all about the backpack she’s getting for school,” Vivian clarifies.

“Thank you for taking care of her, Vivian,” I tell her before turning my attention to Grace. “Looks like you found an ally, Lovebug. Don’t run off like that again though; do you understand? That’s not safe.”

Grace nods her head and steps forward to give me a hug. I pat her back and mouth ‘thank you’ once again to Vivian. She whispers ‘you’re welcome’ and smiles at me, the same smile that turned my world upside-down so many times in the past.

“We haven’t finished picking out our backpacks; would you guys like to help us?” Vivian asks, and then introduces her crew. “Brooks, this is my daughter, Emma, and my son, Blake. Em is in preschool too, and Blake will be starting kindergarten this year.”

“Well, guys, we would love some help picking something out; apparently I’m not up-to-date on what is hip.” I wrap my arm around Grace, pulling her into my side to tickle her. “Grace here has informed me that I need assistance in the cool factor area.”

I see Vivian’s eyes widen when she hears the name of my daughter. I never told Grace who she was named after, just that it was for someone that I cared for. The shocked realization stretches all over Vivian’s face, and the faint blush that is extending up her neck proves her unease with the situation.

“Grace, it’s very nice to meet you; that is a very pretty name you have.” The last bit is directed straight at me, and I can feel the heat of her glare.

“Thank you. My daddy named me after someone special, and he said that he wants me to grow up and be just as wonderful and beautiful as her one day.”

Vivian’s face softens, and the corners of her lips begin to curl up. When she bends down to meet Grace’s eye level, I hear her whisper in her ear, “You already are beautiful and wonderful, Ms. Grace.” When she pulls away, I can see the tears in her eyes.

When I gave Grace Vivian’s middle name, I really had never thought they would ever meet. Seeing these two together now, the girl of my past and the little girl of my present, I realize that I need to do whatever it takes to have both of them in my future.

I smile at Vivian and reach for her hand, hoping that she doesn’t pull away. I don’t think I could handle her rejection. The things she said at the reunion last week stung like hell. Knowing that she still believes the lie I told her nearly a decade ago, I don’t blame her for hating me, but dammit if I don’t want to tell her the truth and make her love me again.

I can’t help but hold my breath, waiting for her to deliberate on whether or not being near me is a good decision. Relief floods my system when she allows her hand to meet mine, and I weave our fingers together. This is where her hand should be, where it always should have been–wrapped in mine.

Vivian

We find the crucial items that apparently all four and six-year-olds need to start school, we load our children into our cars, and agree to meet at the playground nearby to let the kids play. However, I can’t seem to put the car in drive.

As we walked up and down the aisles of the store hand-in-hand, I felt safe again. Every time he would let his thumb lightly feather across my knuckles, my stomach would flutter, making me want to let go of all my hesitations. I’ve had a week to settle myself with the grenade of information that Jen had thrown at me, and I’m still not sure if I want to run or tighten my grip.

Brooks had been the first one I ever let my walls down for. But once I let him into the fortress of my heart, not only did he invade it, but he burned it to the ground. I’m reluctant to believe that we can rise above the ashes and trust each other again. Even though I know he never cheated on me, he lied, and the betrayal feels the same. I just wish he had trusted me back then with the secret he was hiding. More than anything, I worry that if faced with similar circumstances, he would run again. How many lies would he tell before he would face the truth?

“Mom, they are going to beat us there; let’s go!” Blake shouts from the backseat, snapping me out of my daydream.

“Sorry, sweetie, I was just thinking about how nice Brooks and Grace were to help us out today,” I say, shifting the car into gear and sliding out of our parking space.

“I like Grace a lot; she was so funny. Can she maybe stay over?” Emma asks while she insistently zips and unzips her new backpack. Of course, Hello Kitty just like Grace’s.

I think about that question for a minute, letting my mind wonder where it probably shouldn’t in terms of adult sleepovers, before stumbling through an answer. “Um, baby, I’m not sure Brooks would be okay letting Grace spend the night; we just met her. But maybe once we get to know them a little better.”

“I think Brooks likes you, Momma,” Em says, completely changing the subject.

“Yeah, he kept holding your hand and smiling at you the way Dad used to,” Blake adds.

His comment makes me pause again, but instead of thinking about alone-time with a very sexy man, I’m thinking about Will and what we lost, how having someone new in my life–whether it’s Brooks or not–impacts my children, and how every man will always be compared to their father.

My throat tenses, and I struggle to take a deep breath to get myself under control before I answer them. “Oh, guys, Brooks and I used to be very good friends,” I say, swallowing my grief. I pull the car over on a side street, and turn around to face them in the backseat.

“Brooks is my friend, and it’s okay for you to be friends with both him and Grace, too. No matter who we let on the team, guys, no one will ever replace your daddy. He loved you, and you loved him; nothing will ever change that, all right?”

I grab both of their hands and give them a little reassuring squeeze. Both of them smile and nod; their acceptance and innocence astounds me.

I turn back around, and we make it to the park quickly. As they predicted, Brooks and Grace are already there. Grace is on the swings and when I park, both kids jump out and race over to her.

“Push us, please, Brooks?” Emma asks.

“Yeah, an underdog,” Blake adds as they each climb onto a swing.

Obliging the trio, Brooks takes turns pushing them until they are flying high, all of them shrieking with excitement. “Okay, guys, give him a break. Go play while Brooks and I sit over on the bench and watch.”

He leaves the whining children, agreeing to push them more after his rest. He follows me to the bench on the edge of the playground and sits next to me. After my conversation with Jen, I knew at some point I would have to really talk to Brooks. Now that the moment is here, though, I’m overwhelmed with a nervous feeling for where the conversation could lead.

“Before you say anything, Brooks, I have a few things I need to get off my chest,” I say, fighting back the fear and deciding to dive right in. “I spoke with Jen after the reunion, and she told me everything.”

Brooks’ head snaps up, his eyes locking on mine. I see the fear settling in them. He starts to speak, but I cover his mouth with my fingertips. “No, let me finish; I need to say this.”

He closes his eyes, his scowl deepening, and his worry showing through. He nods, and I begin to take my hand away, but he opens his eyes and catches my wrist, bringing my palm to his lips. Letting a soft kiss linger on my skin, I feel goose bumps pour across my body. He then entwines our fingers and lays them on his thigh.

I take a deep breath, attempting to compose myself. “Please, I need you to hear this.”

“I’m listening, Viv. Even if what you have to say fucking guts me, I’m going to listen.”

“Ten years ago, I loved you with everything that I was. I didn’t think that I was capable of feeling that, but I felt it for you. When I thought that you cheated, I let myself believe that you didn’t want me, that I wasn’t good enough, and that my love wasn’t enough for you. I was so angry for so long, and Will helped me fix the heart that you broke.”