“Where’s Jack?” I ask, noticing he’s not circling the grill with the rest of the guys.

“He couldn’t come,” she says, looking away from me. “He had to work.”

“On a Saturday? What in the hell’s going on, Carly?”

She takes a moment before responding. “I don’t know, Jen,” she finally says, turning to look at me. “Things haven’t been okay for a while. I don’t know what to do anymore.” Her watery eyes show the pain of the situation and I feel helpless to make it better for her.

I grab her hand and squeeze tightly. “Is it the baby thing, or is there something else going on?” I ask.

“You know, that’s what I thought the tension was stemming from, but I’m not so sure anymore. Jack won’t talk to me and he’s not home much.”

I realize what she’s implying and if it’s true, heaven help Jack. He won’t only need a good divorce attorney, he’ll need a bodyguard for the hit I’ll have taken out against him.

“Jack’s not stupid enough to think he could get away with something like that,” I insist.

“Maybe he doesn’t care if he gets caught,” she replies with a quiver of her lip. Someone catches her eye and she instantly changes her demeanor. I follow her line of sight and see Vivian and Campbell are headed in our direction, full of smiles and plates full of food.

“I don’t know what you two are gossiping about, but it’s present time. Get your asses in position for baby overload,” Campbell jests.

Vivian and Brooks find comfortable spots and begin ripping through the mountain of diapers, onesies, and receiving blankets.

“This one is from me,” I tell Brooks, sliding my special gift toward him. “And this little one is from Casen, he insists they go together,” I add.

His brows scrunch together, unsure of whether or not to risk public humiliation by opening his gift in front of everyone.

“Just open it,” I tell him when he continues to hesitate.

Slowly peeling away the blue wrapping paper, Vivian’s lips curl around her teeth, attempting to hold in her laugh when the gift is revealed. He looks to me for an explanation I’m surprised he needs.

“Vivian told us how you’re taking the plunge and getting the man marbles snipped. I thought a plastic dog cone would be a useful gift for your impending procedure. I had to go to three different vet clinics to find it.”

He pulls out the oven mitts with pictures of puppies on them and looks questioningly at me. “To keep your hands away from your battle wounds. Viv doesn’t need you scratching and popping a stitch.”

Our friends burst into laughter, although Brooks looks less than enthusiastic. “You’re time is coming, MacLauchlan, and I will be there waiting to embarrass the shit out of you,” he promises.

“Here, man. This might be a little more useful,” Casen tells him, handing him our smaller gift.

He shows less apprehension towards Casen’s gift, tearing it open. With a massive grin, he exposes the bottle of whisky. “Now that’s a useful gift!” he says excitedly. “Come on boys, these ladies can handle the rest of the gifts. Let’s go crack this baby open.”

Lakin and Casen follow Brooks into the house in search of glasses. “The games will start soon and I’ll be taking pictures, boys. Drunk or not, I expect a picture with your new gifts, Brooks,” I call after them.

As the glass doors open, laughter erupts at the sight of the guys. Emma and Grace, along with the little mini-tag-a-long, Olivia, lead the pack of fluffed and feathered, jeweled and manicured. We thought the men had gotten lost in sports conversations and booze. Apparently eye shadow and nail polish found them instead. I grab my camera and begin taking snapshots of the princess brigade.

“Aren’t they pretty?” Emma asks.

“Oh, they are gorgeous, cricket!” Vivian exclaims.

“Daddy said he wouldn’t dress up unless he got the purple boa. He said it looks the best with his dark hair,” Grace adds.

Brooks rolls his eyes and then twirls the feathers. “It brings out the blue in my eyes,” he says in a high-pitched tone.

“Your daddy always has been a bit of a diva,” Campbell says laughing. “But Casen and Lakin, what’s your excuse?”

“I wanted them to like me, and he was feeling left out,” Casen says pointing to Lakin.

“Hey now, I’m the cool uncle, I couldn’t leave my girls hanging. I’m manly, thank you very much; I do Kung Fu.” Lakin tries to plead his case, but fails miserably in his aqua-toned makeup and red-jeweled tiara.

“Whatever gets you through, Nancy,” I tell him as I click the camera.

“Hey there, sparkplug, any of these pictures end up on the tour flyers and there will be retribution,” Casen threatens. “There are still a few more shows left and we do want a record deal when it’s over.”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with us,” Carly chimes in.

“Are we playing games or wh—” Blake begins to say as he exits the house and sees the guys in their princess outfits. He closely examines each one of them with a look of bewilderment smeared across his face.

“Does this make me the man of the house, Mom?” he asks Vivian. She laughs instead of answering him. He then sizes up Casen again before addressing him individually. “I’m pretty sure the turtles don’t wear makeup. If you guys need to remember how to be guys, I guess I could play action figures with you.”

“All right, enough. Let’s get these games going,” Brooks interjects. “What are the teams?”

“I would say boys versus girls, but I don’t think I can take on everyone by myself,” Blake explains, prompting the men to share a look of insult.

“How about us women versus you girls? Blake, you can be the referee,” Campbell suggests.

Everyone agrees and heads down the stairs of the deck to the games set up on the lawn. Baby trivia, baby food in a diaper guessing game, changing and dressing the baby partner challenge; the men kicked our asses at each one. Well, Brooks and Lakin weren’t much help to their success, but between the girls’ small hands and Casen’s experience with his younger siblings, they destroyed us. The men took their victory lap carrying the girls on their shoulders around the yard while we pouted. Campbell and I weren’t expected to be much help. Hell, I killed a Chia Pet once. Vivian and Carly are moms, though. I’m going to blame nerves and intimidation, I may even stoop low enough to declare the men cheated, but either way, it was a pathetic showing on our part.

“You just earned diaper duty for the first two months, sweetheart,” Vivian teases Brooks.

“And you lost naked time privileges for the next month, big guy,” I tell Casen. “Vivian is kidding, I’m not.”

He wraps his arms around me, smearing his makeup on me. “We both know you can’t go that long, sparky” he whispers.

I push him away lightly, “You don’t want to challenge me, Mr. Thompson. I have enough electronic love machines to put the Shop Erotic show off the air and out of business.” I know he’s absolutely correct, but I’m also a sore loser.

“Here, let me help you with your celibacy mission,” he says before turning to the rest of the group and clicking his glass to gain their attention. “Jen and I have one last gift for you. We thought you guys might need a weekend away before the baby comes so we would like to watch the kids for you.”

Mouths drop open in disbelief, including my own. He continues with his offer, though. “We thought we could take all the kids camping up at my regular camping spot outside Colorado Springs. Fishing, hiking, s’mores, the kids will love it. Carly, we would love to have Olivia come along as well.”

I love all the “we” shit he’s throwing out there. Everyone looks to me for my approval of “our” offer. The girls know I’m the farthest thing from maternal, and me babysitting for an hour is a stretch, let alone an entire weekend. They do value their kids, and placing them in my care is probably a scary notion.