“Christ,” is his only response. What else can he say? I don’t think any of us truly knew the type of monster we were dealing with coming into this. There were so many variables that none of us could have accounted for. The big one being me falling in love with Elizabeth.

“I’m so sorry, man.” He pauses for just a second. “Wait a minute, what the hell are you going to do?” There’s a sense of urgency and concern in his question.

And there should be. Lifting my head up, I put the car back in drive and pull onto the road.

“I’m going to kill him.”

Slowly. And with my bare hands.

I’m so calm and collected when I say this, completely resolute in my decision that I almost scare myself.

“No, you’re not.” He’s firm, and I can picture him standing tall in the authoritative stance he gets when he’s chewing one of us out for something dumb.

“You can arrest me when I’m done. I don’t give a flying fuck, but that son of a bitch doesn’t deserve to live.” He deserves to die a very painful death. I want to beat him until I can’t lift my arms anymore. To torture him just like he’s tortured Elizabeth. And he will be. I’ll make sure of it.

“I don’t disagree, but you’re not thinking rationally. Think about Elizabeth. You just left her alone to do what? She has no car, no phone, and probably very little money. You left her stranded to fend for herself. What’ll happen to her if they find her? They don’t know what she knows so she’s one more loose end to tie up. You’ll be in jail and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. Who’s going to save her then?”

“No, she’ll be fine.” As I say this, I know it’s a lie. She has no one she can really depend on except me and I just abandoned her.

“Like hell she will! Turn your ass around, cool off, and go to her. Don’t push me. I’ll have someone intercept you and bring you in if I have to!” he shouts down the line at me.

“Son of a bitch,” I mutter as my fist hits the steering wheel. I know he’s right, but that doesn’t make me want to choke the life out of Cal any less. Glancing at my mirrors, I make sure I’m clear before flipping a U-turn in the middle of this two-way road.

“Look, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I can’t afford for you to fly off the deep end like this again. If I can’t trust you, I’ll have no choice but to bring you in and have you under watch until this case is over. I’ll do what I can to help you pin down the doctor who did this. I’m sure there’s some kind of law against performing procedures without patient consent.”

Patient consent.

Those two words make my stomach twist at the thought of Elizabeth being unconscious during all of this. She must have felt so confused, terrified, hurt.

Violated.

My foot gives the car more gas, accelerating past eighty miles per hour. I need to be with her right now. “I’ll call you later.” I hang up the phone and throw it into the seat next to me.

The thirty-minute drive back to the motel takes an eternity. I was so fucking stupid. I should be holding her, letting her know that she doesn’t have to burden the pain of this alone. I’m there for her in any way she needs me and we’ll get through this together. I might not have known she was pregnant before, but the instant loss I felt when she confessed tore me in two. I’m sure it’s only a fraction of what she’s been dealing with, but I couldn’t stop the violent images that popped into my head. My only focus was to wrap my hands around Cal’s neck and watch the life drain right out of him. I’ve never felt anger like that before. Not even when I was being shot at overseas, and trust me, nothing pisses you off more than some asshole trying to kill you.

Even though I thought I was doing this for Elizabeth and the life he took away from us, truth is I was really doing this for me. I was being selfish and not thinking about how this would affect her. I abandoned her in her time of need, leaving her to pick up the pieces on her own again. Well, that stops now. As long as I’m alive, she’ll never have to suffer in silence and I’ll do everything in my power to take her pain away.

MY KNUCKLES GENTLY wrap on the door, needing Elizabeth to let me in. In my blind rage, I left the key card to the room behind along with my shirt. Only a few moments go by, but my need to see her has me on edge and I consider kicking the door in. My hand rakes roughly through my hair and I begin pacing.

“Elizabeth! Let me in, please.” My head hits the door with a thud, frustration and anxiety coursing through my body. I hear a click and quickly lean back. The image that stands before me sends a knife straight to my heart. Cal might have been the catalyst to her hurt, but I just added to it.

Her eyes are red rimmed and puffy, tears still streaming down her cheeks as her breath hitches from hyperventilation. Emptiness stares back at me and I can’t resist touching her a second longer.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” I close the distance between us and cup my hands around her face. My thumbs wipe away her tears, hoping I can wipe away the sadness just as easily. I know it’s not possible, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. She crashes into my chest and clings to me like I’m the only lifeline she has. Walking us into the room, I close and lock the door behind me and lead us to the bed. She follows step for step, never lifting her head and trusting me to guide her. I back up to the bed and slowly lay down and bring her with me so she’s on top of me. The harder she cries, the tighter I hold her.

I wish I could say I’m being strong for her, but that would be a lie. With each drop that lands on my bare chest, I break a little inside. Knowing that she’s been holding this in and coming to terms with what will never be hits me like a ton of bricks. The initial rage has settled down to a low simmer and pain and sadness takes over. A few tears escape from the corner of my eyes while we hold onto each other and mourn.

The sun has started to set when she finally sits up. “I’m sorry I left.” My voice is raw with emotion.

“I needed you, Alex. You have no idea how hard that was to tell you. To relive it and open up all those wounds again.” The honesty of her words feels like a slap to the face. I’m an asshole.

“I know. I just didn’t know how to process it. I wanted to yell and scream and hit something but didn’t want to do it in front of you. I didn’t want you to think I was angry or directing any of that toward you.”

“I wasn’t sure you were coming back.” Her lip trembles as she holds in the tears.

“Sweetheart, I’ll always come back to you. Don’t ever doubt that.” I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I feel like I’m constantly failing you. I should be keeping you safe and you’re always getting hurt.”

She shakes her head. “You couldn’t have stopped it any more than I could have. I know that now. I often wondered if there was anything I could have done differently to change the outcome. During my darkest days, I blamed myself. I felt so worthless. I mean, I couldn’t even protect a child inside my body. I’d think about it constantly, and eventually it got to be too much. That’s when I started contemplating suicide.” Her voice cracks on the last word. This is the first time I’m hearing her say it out loud, and I’m a little shocked she’s being so direct, but at the same time, it shows progress.

“Then you came back and saved me. I’m not over what happened and I still have my tough days, but I really believe I—we—can get through this.”

“God, you amaze me.” Where did she get this strength from? I don’t know many people who’d be as resilient as she is with everything she’s gone through. “Come back over here.” I hold my arms out to her and she snuggles into me. Inhaling the scent of her hair, I find a small piece of calm. She’s always had this effect on me though. Something about her puts me at ease. Even with all this shit going on in our lives, I know I can always come back to her to find solid ground. God, I just want to be that for her too.