Happiness.

Now that I’ve had a taste, I don’t want to let it go.

“I’M SORRY, HONEY, but I have too much to do in preparation for next week. I’m going to stay here in D.C. for the night so I can get an early start in the morning. I’ll see you tomorrow evening, alright?” I should feel disappointment, but I don’t. If anything, his absence is a welcomed reprieve.

Most senators stay in Washington, D.C. Tuesday through Thursday while Congress is in session, and only go home for the weekends. We live so close to the Capitol that Cal usually comes home during the week. There are occasions where voting goes late into the night and he’ll stay there, but for the most part he’s home. With his obligations in the Senate and the different committees he sits on, he’s been preparing for the campaign every free moment he has, going well into the night.

“I understand, dear. Don’t worry about me. You do what you have to do to make sure you win this primary,” I reply into the phone receiver, ever the supportive wife.

“I knew you would understand. I love you,” he says tenderly.

“I love you too.” The call ends and I place my phone down on the coffee table in the living room. When I force myself to say those four words, it feels like razor blades on my tongue. Slicing their way out of my mouth, leaving behind a bloody taste of lies. Yet, each time I sound convincing and Cal is none the wiser about the lie I tell on a daily basis.

I’m just about to lean back on the couch and read the book I had sitting beside me when my phone goes off again. Leaning up to see who it is on the caller ID, I groan when I see the name flashing across the screen. Knowing she’ll keep calling until I answer, I connect the call. “Hello, Catherine.”

“Elizabeth, dah-ling,” she greets, causing me to roll my eyes. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well, thanks. How are you?”

“Just fine. We should do dinner tonight! I want to fill you in on my trip to New York.” The enthusiasm in her voice is palpable and I know she’s dying to tell me where she went shopping and who she was rubbing elbows with. Even if I put her off with some lame excuse now, she’ll pester me until I meet with her. I might as well get it over with.

“That sounds lovely. Would you like to meet at the Ritz?” I try my best to hide my lack of enthusiasm. Luckily for me, Catherine is usually too self absorbed to notice anyone but herself.

“That would be perfect. Say, seven o’clock okay with you?”

“Yes, I’ll see you there.” My phone gets tossed onto the cushion beside me as dread slowly takes over. I really don’t want to meet Catherine and hear her go on and on about this dress, those shoes, that celebrity. Getting up with a sigh, I go in search of Alex to tell him of my plans. As I’m rounding the corner, I spot him coming through the front door, a friendly smile on his face when he sees me. The flash of white momentarily stops me and my reasoning for looking for him escapes my brain.

“Did you need something?” he asks, a knowing smirk on his face.

Jerk.

He doesn’t have to be so smug about my inability to think around him. He could at least pretend like he doesn’t notice.

I shake myself out of my stupor. “Yes, actually. I’m going to have dinner with Catherine this evening at The Ritz. We should leave here at around six thirty.”

“I’ll be ready.” He smiles and walks past me into the living room.

It’s been two weeks since our first hike where I fell into the stream. Since then, things have been really easy between Alex and I. He really is a genuine person and I’ve grown quite fond of him. Lately, he’s become a very important aspect in my life as he’s slowly transforming into something I haven’t had in a very long time.

A friend.

Before Alex, I didn’t understand the depths of my loneliness. Sure, I’m not happily married and the friendships I have are superficial. But I think I had convinced myself that I didn’t need anything more meaningful. That I could get through life maintaining the artificial life I’ve had my entire adulthood. He’s easy to talk to, he laughs at my stupid jokes, and he pays attention to me. He’s the polar opposite of everything I’ve ever known. And I like it, maybe even love it.

Cal doesn’t listen to anything I say, making him unbearable to open up and talk to. My opinions are of little consequence and don’t factor in to any decisions made. Everything is so serious in Cal’s world. There’s no laughter, no joy, no inside jokes between companions, just business and obligations. It’s not as if I haven’t realized this before, but I was able to hide my dislike for it better. Now that Alex is giving me a taste of what it feels like to be seen and heard, I’m starting to despise this life I’m in more and more. How much longer can I keep this up before I break? Before I have a complete break down and curse everyone who’s burdening me with staying?

At seven o’clock sharp Alex and I walk into The Ritz. I’m told Catherine hasn’t made it yet, so we’re led to a private booth where we can wait for her. Alex places his hand at the small of my back ushering me along as we follow the hostess. Tingles travel up my spine at the simple contact, and I start to fantasize about a time that doesn’t exist. A time where there is no Cal, and there is no Catherine. There’s no pressure to hold up to the standards a family name imposes on you. There’s no expectations and inevitable disappointments. Just Alex and I having dinner together in an intimate setting. Unfortunately, that will never happen since I have too much to lose if I leave Cal, and it’s not about the money either.

Once we’re at our booth, Alex gestures for me to slide in the middle. I do as he requests and he slides in beside me. After the hostess leaves, he leans next to my ear and says, “It makes it easier for me to get out quickly if I’m on the end. And I can see the door clearly from this angle too.” Leaning away, he winks before glancing around at the people near us. My lungs take in a deep breath, not realizing they ceased to work while he was so close. I need to get a grip on my wavering hormones. Alex is my friend, nothing more. I can’t continue to have these crazy intimate thoughts about him while pretending to love my husband. Eventually I’ll crack and the game will be over.

“For someone who’s about to have dinner with a friend, you sure don’t look happy. What’s up, sweetheart?” His ability to read me startles me. I hate it. Why can’t I hide things from him like I do everyone else? Why does he have to be so damn observant?

“I’m just a little tired, and sometimes Catherine can be a little much. Her energy exhausts me.” I offer him a small smile, but I know he can tell it’s forced. Thankfully, Catherine arrives, halting anymore questions.

“Elizabeth, I hope you weren’t waiting long.” She slides in on her side of the booth and gives me an air kiss on each cheek.

“No, we just arrived a few moments ago. Catherine, this is Alex Matthews,” I say, gesturing toward him with my hand. “Alex, this is Catherine Williams.”

“How nice to meet you,” she says, holding her hand out delicately for him.

“The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Williams.” He gives her that panty dropping smile of his before shaking her hand gently. After releasing her, he slides out of the booth and stands next to it with his back to us, surveying the restaurant. Catherine actually sighs, swooning right on the spot. Seriously?

“He works for a private security firm,” I explain. “After the break-in, Cal didn’t want me venturing anywhere alone.”

“That’s understandable,” she says, her attention finally coming back to me. “Aren’t you dying to know how my trip went?” Her tone is almost accusatory, as if she can’t believe I haven’t asked her yet.