Not wanting to cause a scene in front of Alex and the driver who has since reappeared, I do my best to calm him down. “I’m sorry, Cal, I really am. You know the topic of children is a hard one for me. Next time I’ll be prepared and won’t react that way. Okay?” I give him a small smile and reach my hand out to touch his arm. Truth is, if I had been told before that was one of the questions and given the answer Cal was going to recite, I would’ve been able to hide the shock and hurt. I would’ve been upset, but it wouldn’t have come as such a blow. I would’ve kept my Stepford wife appearance in check and there wouldn’t have been an issue. Telling Cal that would be seen as a critique on how he’s running this campaign—our lives—so I keep that information to myself and hope my apology will suffice.

His jaw ticks a few times before he replies, “Don’t leave my side like that again. We’re a united front and you will show that, no matter what I talk about. Understand?” I nod in acknowledgement. Seeming happy with my response, he shrugs my hand off and retreats to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

The bus driver alerts us that we’re about to head home before he goes behind the closed partition that separates him from the rest of the bus. Slowly, I turn to face Alex where I’m met with a face full of tension. Upon further inspection, I see something lurking in the shadows, dying to break free.

Lust.

And I feel it too. The short separation has done nothing to cool the heat between us. It’s evident in the way he drinks me in with his eyes, and the way my core tightens with his presence. I open my mouth to speak, but close it and bite my bottom lip afraid of saying the wrong thing. I don’t need to worry about the right words, because something inside Alex snaps and he comes charging toward me. He grabs my face with both hands before sealing my lips with his. I realize that no words need to be spoken. We’re communicating enough with our mouths.

I want you. I need you. You make me feel special, wanted, important, desired. Don’t let me go.

All of the things I can’t say out loud pour into this kiss. I tried to ignore it before, but there’s no denying it now. I want Alex. No, I need him. He’s become the one bright spot to my otherwise dark days. It’s his smile, his bright blue eyes, his voice, his scent, and now his kiss that make each day worth getting up for. I know I should pull away. This is wrong and Cal is in the next room, but all rational thinking flies out the window while he’s caressing me with his lips and holding me to him. He draws me in closer and I feel the ever-growing bulge in his pants spurring on my own arousal and soaking my panties. I forget all about my current heartache and anger over today, over my life. Right now I can live in the moment, in the comfort Alex’s touch provides.

Alex slows the kiss down, giving me a few pecks before he rests his forehead against mine, hands still holding my face. “What the hell am I doing?” he asks, more to himself than me. His eyes are closed tight and I wish there was something I could say, but all words fail me. I’m still riding high from that kiss and my brain is unable to perform basic functions at this point. His eyes open, staring deep into mine. “God, I’m so sorry. I know we shouldn’t—we can’t do this. You’re not mine and I had no right doing that.” His voice is strained, pained even as he removes his hands from me and takes a step back. I feel deserted from the loss of contact. “I’ve tried, Elizabeth, believe me I’ve tried to stay away from you. To keep it professional, but I can’t. I need you to keep your distance from me. Please.” His eyes are pleading as he confesses what we’ve both felt.

“What if I don’t want to?” I ask so quietly, I’m not sure he heard me, but by the widening of his eyes and his sudden intake of air, I know he did. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m scared as hell and haven’t felt such raw emotion like this ever in my life.

He shakes his head slightly. “You can’t mean that. You know nothing about me. Are you prepared to leave your husband, because I’m not a sharing kind of man. When I’m with a woman, she’s mine and mine alone.” His possessiveness sends a tingle down my spine, heating up my already throbbing core.

His.

God, I like the way that sounds. Maybe a little too much. But he doesn’t understand my reasons for staying. It’s certainly not for love and devotion for Cal. Alex must take my silence for an answer.

“That’s what I thought.” Sadness briefly clouds his beautiful eyes before he looks away and locks himself away in his bunk. I don’t move, standing in my spot for God knows how long. My brain is telling me to stay away. There’s too much riding on my marriage with Cal. But my heart is telling me to run with it. Get off this bus, leave Cal, and never look back. My whole life I’ve been able to put a lid over my heart, surrounding it with a thick concrete wall to prevent it from interfering with my decisions. Why is it so hard now? No matter how hard I try, when it comes to Alex, the walls are crumbling down piece by piece. The thumping of my heart gets louder and louder telling me that I’m alive. That the part I buried and tried to kill off long ago to protect myself still exists. I know with that kiss, there will be no shutting my heart out again. The question is if I’m strong enough to die a little inside each day knowing that the one thing I need to make me happy is the very thing I can’t have.

WE ARRIVED HOME last night and Alex and I haven’t said two words to each other since our last encounter on the bus. I hate this unsettled feeling between us, this awkwardness that was never there is very present. I just wish I knew how to fix it. I need to fix it. I miss him. I miss us.

I’m walking past the closed door of Cal’s cigar room when I hear him laughing. I haven’t seen him since I woke up this morning, so I thought he’d already gone into work. I’m not sure why I stop to listen, maybe it’s the carefree way he laughed that seems so unusual coming from his mouth, so out of character.

“Yes, I should be at the office in an hour.” I’m assuming he’s on the phone when there’s a pause where he’s probably listening to whoever is on the other end. He laughs again in a way that suggests there’s a familiarity between them. It’s like the kind of laugh you’d share among close friends or someone you’re in a relationship with. I’ve never been the recipient of such a laugh. “Me too. I look forward to seeing you. Bye, Mona.” At the mention of Mona’s name, my whole body stiffens. That’s who he’s talking to? Why was he talking to her on his personal phone at home? His voice was warm, and friendly.

Intimate.

Maybe I’m just paranoid, but I just have a weird feeling about the two of them. I snort to myself thinking of the irony of my speculation. God, if he ever found out I kissed Alex he would flip his shit. Especially if he knew how much I liked it. I don’t want to even think about what he’d do to me. The rattling of the doorknob has me rushing off quietly down the hall to hide the fact that I was eavesdropping on Cal. I breathe a sigh of relief when I make it around the corner undetected. When I’m sure he’s gone, I turn back around the corner only to collide into a solid surface. The fresh, clean smell that hits my senses automatically calms me from my startled state.

Looking up, I say, “Jesus, Alex! You scared me half to death!” My hand goes over my heart that still has an accelerated beat.

His grin makes me weak in the knees. “I can see that.” Losing the smile and returning to business, he says in a more professional tone, “Cal just left and I didn’t know where you were at, but now that I know I guess I’ll just head back down.” I can tell he’s just as unsettled about all of this as I am. He’s rambling and falling all over his words.