My eyes travel over his profile as he speaks and they stop on the scar along his jaw. I’ve always been curious about what happened, but have been too afraid to ask thinking that it was too personal or inappropriate to do so. After what has transpired between us lately, I suppose that no longer applies.

“Can I ask what happened right there?” I point to his scar. The tender expression quickly vanishes and turns into something darker, sadder, more haunted. He’s good at masking it though, because it disappears just as fast.

“Just an accident. It’s no big deal.” His voice is detached, cold, telling me he’s holding back and this is a topic he doesn’t want to talk about.

Looking down, slightly embarrassed for asking, all I say is, “Oh.”

I see him rub the back of his neck from the corner of my eye. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just a time in my life I don’t like to remember. I got this while I was deployed. We got into some shit, ran over an IED, and a piece of shrapnel caught me in the jaw. I was lucky.” I’m taken aback that he finds that lucky, but the pain in his eyes tells me that it could’ve been a lot worse. That maybe it was a lot worse.

“It’s okay, but I’m here if you ever need to talk.” I leave it at that and turn my attention back toward the television, not wanting to upset him by digging deeper. His mood goes back to the way it was, and soon we’re talking like I never brought it up.

Even though we’ve moved on to other topics of conversation, I can’t get that look out of my head. He looked so lost, pained, sad.

Broken.

I guess we’re both broken in our own way. His seems to stem from something more traumatic, but maybe that’s what’s drawing us in. We recognize the brokenness in each other. Maybe we can find all of our pieces and help to make each other whole.

A RATTLING NOISE wakes me, causing my eyes to fly open. Alex stands up quickly and moves in front of me in a protective stance, watching the door carefully to see who is entering. I hear his voice before he enters, and Alex and I both relax when we realize it’s Cal fumbling with the doorknob. Looking at the clock I see that it’s already six o’clock, which means I’ve been asleep for roughly two hours or so. Alex spins around to sit in one of the opposing chairs, his bloodshot eyes telling me he was probably snoozing too.

“Were you sleeping on the job, Mr. Matthews?” I whisper to him.

One eyebrow quirks up before he says, “Well, if someone wasn’t boring the shit out of me with their crappy TV, then maybe I wouldn’t have passed out.” I’m about to sass him back when Cal enters the room.

“Did you do anything useful today, Elizabeth?” I’m about to recite the same list of things I do daily when the day’s events flash through my head on repeat. Me kissing Alex. Taking his jacket off. Holy shit, him ripping my shirt in half! I’m getting hot flashes now just thinking about it. “Are you sick? You look a little flush.” Cal’s head tilts to the side a little. I reflexively bring my hands up to my cheeks to feel that they are warm, but it’s not from being sick. I feel Alex drilling holes into the side of my face with his stare, but I can’t bring myself to look at him.

I clear my throat. “I’ve been feeling a little off today, but it’s nothing I’m sure.” Being the super-attentive husband that he is, he doesn’t ask any more questions about me and jumps right into himself.

“These bills are taking a little longer to vote on than I thought. We can’t get the other side to agree on anything and I have to be here for it. So we’re not going back out on the campaign until a week and half from now.” I nod knowing that he doesn’t want my input, he’s simply telling me where I’ll need to be and when. “I’m going to get in the shower before dinner.” With that, he stands and goes upstairs.

“Been a little off, huh? Seems to me like you were very much on, and I wouldn’t call what we did nothing.” When I look at Alex, his eyes are raking up and down my body. My thighs clench at the memory of him being nestled between them. I roll my eyes, trying to hide my arousal and the acknowledgment that he’s right. I’m about to go to the kitchen to start dinner and cool off a little when a vibrating noise gets my attention. Looking down at the coffee table, I see Cal’s phone lying there. It’s very rare for him to leave it anywhere since it’s usually attached to his hip. Curiosity gets the best of me and I look at the caller ID.

Mona.

The one name I didn’t want to see. Each time I push my suspicions to the back of my mind, something else happens to make them rear their ugly head. First his intimate conversation with her this morning, and now she’s calling again? Voicemail picks it up, but a few seconds later there’s another ping alerting to a text message. With shaking hands, I grab the phone even though I know I shouldn’t.

Hey, love. Sorry you had to cut out early. I miss you. See you tomorrow. XO, M.

I drop the phone back onto the table as if it’s burned me. “What’s wrong?” Alex asks me. I had forgotten he was in the room.

Shaking my head I say, “Nothing.” I turn to walk away, but am stopped by a hand at my elbow.

“I thought we’ve already discussed your shitty ability to lie to me,” he says into my ear. The hairs at the back of my neck stand on end.

“I think Cal’s cheating on me.” It comes out as a whisper as if voicing it aloud makes it any more true. If I’m being honest, I’m not upset by the act of infidelity regarding Cal. It’s not like I love my husband, and I’m not under any illusions that suggest he really loves me either. I’m upset with the humiliation that comes with it. The fact that Mona knows he’s married and is sneaking behind my back. She must think I’m pathetic, weak, worthless.

A fool.

The house of cards I have carefully built is slowly crumbling down. He disrespects me in every other way, why not cheat on me too? The part that makes my stomach turn is thinking about him fucking her and coming home trying to fuck me or shove his dick in my mouth. That makes me feel nauseous.

“How do you know?” Alex asks from behind me.

“Call it woman’s intuition,” I deadpan. My body turns to face him so I can speak quietly. I don’t want Cal to overhear me. “I had a hunch about it when I walked in on a ‘meeting’ he was having with her. They looked a little too cozy, too casual to have a professional relationship.” Alex raises his eyebrow at me and it’s not lost on me that we’re in the exact situation. I sigh. “Yes, I see the irony in all of this. Anyway, I heard him on the phone with her this morning saying how he looked forward to seeing her. It was the way he said it. With affection and warmth. He never talks to me in such a kind tone. Plus, it’s a little odd that she’s calling his personal phone. Then there’s the text message he just got.” My head tilts down toward the phone. He picks it up and reads the message.

“This doesn’t exactly prove he’s cheating. We’ve done more than send each other a few messages, sweetheart.” At that moment, the phone vibrates in his hand.

“What does it say?” I try to peak over at it, standing on my toes to get a better angle, but he holds it to his chest blocking my view.

“Nothing important. Look, if you feel like he’s cheating, then why don’t you just leave him?” He places the phone back down on the coffee table and guides me into the kitchen. I get a feeling that whatever flashed across the screen isn’t good and he’s trying to keep me from seeing it.

“I just can’t.” I sigh in exasperation not wanting to talk about this.

“Why? Don’t want to give up this lavish lifestyle?” He chuckles a little trying to play it off like he’s joking, but I can sense the truth behind his words, and it stings. Is that what he thinks of me? That I’m in it for the money? I thought he knew me better than that and could see the real me behind the mask I put on for everyone else.