Turning away from the door, I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes. I tried to take a deep, even breath, but my chest squeezed in, cutting it off. No. My chest was not squeezing in. Nothing was happening. It was all in my head. It was always in my head and nothing more. Pressure clamped down, but that also wasn’t real. I forced my lungs to expand, desperately ignoring the way my heart raced. My knuckles ached from how tightly I held the bottle. A wave of shivers rushed up my neck and over my scalp like an army of ants.

A sharp pain lanced across my chest, and I shook my head, clamping my lips together so fiercely my jaw ached. What if it was going to happen? What if I couldn’t stop it? I would—

I cut those thoughts off as I opened my mouth wide, gulping air. Nothing was going to happen. Nothing had happened. The sudden violent anxiety wasn’t really tied to anything. It was all in my head. A handful of seconds turned into a minute, and that minute turned into two. Eventually my pulse slowed and the tingling receded from the back of my neck. Hand shaking, I lifted the bottle and swallowed.

The sliding glass door opened, and I opened my eyes, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw that it was Syd. Hair twisted over one shoulder, she was securing a beach towel along her hips. “There you are,” she said. “I’ve been wondering where you were.”

My smile felt as weak as my knees. “I was just getting the hamburgers ready for later.”

She glanced around the kitchen. “You were?”

“Yeah. Just finished,” I lied, pushing off the counter. “They’re in the fridge.”

A knowing look crossed her face. “You’re hiding.”

“No. No, I am not.”

She crossed her arms as she lifted a brow and waited. I sighed.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Syd knew that sometimes…sometimes I wasn’t okay. In the beginning, I’d tried to hide it from her, but being that Syd was going for a doctorate in psychology, there wasn’t much she missed when it came to my weird behaviors. She was one of those people who always read you within five minutes of meeting you, and was dead-on in her observations.

“I’m okay.” I took another drink and then set the bottle on the counter. Tugging the elastic band off my wrist, I swept my hair up in a quick, messy ponytail. “I am hiding. Kind of.”

“Do tell.” She headed to the fridge, grabbing a soda. She wasn’t much of a drinker.

I glanced at the door. “Tanner…he’s acting weird.” I knew I had her full attention in that moment. “He actually came over last night.”

“What?” Her eyes widened. “You didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal. He wasn’t there for long. He actually apologized for being a dick the other day.” I stopped, pursing my lips. I so wasn’t ready to vocalize the fact that I had kissed him Saturday night. “Well, I wasn’t very nice either, but whatever. He stopped by to apologize. I didn’t think much of it.”

“I think a lot of it,” she replied. “He could’ve called you. Or he could’ve said something here. He didn’t need to stop by your place.”

“I know.” I picked up my bottle and then drifted toward the glass doors. Water sprayed out of the pool as Kyler and Tanner screwed around. “He’s been really flirty. I mean, really flirty.”

“I’ve noticed that. I’m not surprised.”

I shot her a look.

“What? You two have been dancing around each other since you met.”

My stomach dipped. “But why now? Why all of a sudden?”

“I don’t know. Does there have to be a reason?”

I laughed. “Yes.”

“There really wasn’t a reason why Kyler and I finally moved from friends to more. Yeah, we were stuck in the cabin together, but it could’ve happened at any other point. It just did then. Maybe it’s the same thing with you and Tanner,” she explained. “Maybe you two just needed to be someplace—a place like this, all romantic and what not.”

“I don’t think he’s looking for romance.” I faced her. “I think he’s looking to get laid.”

She rolled her eyes. “How do you know that?”

“Um, let’s see. He’s pretty damn vocal about not doing relationships. Based on Tanner’s dating history—or should I call it, hook-up history, because I don’t think he really dates—I’m going to go with, he’s looking to get laid.”

“People change. Kyler did.”

“That’s because he was always in love with you.”

Syd smiled brightly. “True. But maybe Tanner has always—”

“Oh my God, don’t even finish that statement.” I snickered. “Because that would just be absurd.”

“Okay. Fine. Are you looking for a relationship?” she challenged.

I opened my mouth to say no, but I snapped my jaw shut. I had no idea if I was or not. I wasn’t actively seeking one, but if a good thing fell in my lap, I wouldn’t toss it away. And even though I probably wouldn’t throw Tanner out of my lap either, I knew he wasn’t a good thing. Well, that was a complete lie. He would be a great thing, but there was no way someone like him wouldn’t grow tired of me—of my bullshit. Sometimes I was tired of it.

I shrugged as I glanced back outside. Tanner was standing next to the pool, hands on his hips. He was staring at the doors, and I stepped back, feeling my cheeks heat. Thank God he couldn’t hear us. “I don’t know. I mean, who wouldn’t go slut-a-roo for him?”

Her laughter filled the kitchen. “Slut-a-roo? Hooking up with someone doesn’t make you a slut.”

“That I know for sure.” I sent her a cheeky grin over my shoulder, and she laughed again. “I don’t know. It’s just weird. It’s just…” I nibbled on my lower lip. “I’ve never told you this, because honestly, I never saw the point and it was before I knew you, but…I met Tanner my freshman year.”

There was a pause and then, “What?”

Wincing, I swore she’d hit a decibel higher than normal. I watched Tanner dive into the pool. “Well, we didn’t really meet. He had no idea who I was. He was just in two of my classes, but I had the biggest crush on him.”

“Why did you never mention this before?”

I shrugged and then faced her. “When I say he had no idea who I was, I’m not kidding. After my freshman year, I didn’t think I’d really see him again, just around campus, but then he turned up at the bar with Kyler that one night.”

She eyed me closely. “Okay. Now your attitude toward him is starting to make sense, and I know it’s more than just him not seeing you or paying attention. What did he do?”

My cheeks started to burn. “Remember Clara Hansen? She was my roommate my freshman and sophomore year.”

“Um. Yeah. A little. She wasn’t at your dorm a lot. That I remember.” Syd joined me at the door.

“Well, she had one of those classes with me. Clara had to know that I had the hots for him, because I think I drooled on myself every time he walked into a lecture. I mean, I never told her that I did, but… Whatever, it doesn’t matter.” I took another drink, enjoying the burn it made cascading down my throat. “One night I was studying at the library and came back to the dorm late. Clara wasn’t alone. She was in bed and she was most definitely having sex.”

“Oh. Oh no.” Syd groaned. “Let me guess. She was with Tanner?”

“Yep.”

“What a bitch!”

“Like I said, I never told her that I liked him and I never even talked to him.”

Anger pinched her pretty face. “Whatever. How in the world does he not remember you when you walked in on them?”

“He was um…he was busy, and the moment I saw who it was, I backed out of that room faster than I’ve ever moved.” I finished off the bottle. “He had to have known someone had opened the door, but he doesn’t know it was me. And I know it’s stupid, but that whole situation has always bothered me.”

“I can see why,” she said quietly.

Walking over to the garbage can, I tossed the empty bottle. “But it’s dumb. Because he didn’t know me. I totally recognize that. I like to think I’ve matured a bit since then.” I laughed when Syd raised her brows at me. “So, yeah, that’s that.”