“What will you do then, if it does impact that?”

That was an important question. Good thing I’d spent a lot of time thinking about it. “You remember how you kept asking why I wasn’t going to become a therapist? Turns out that might be a good option.”

His smile was back, spreading across his face. “I like the sound of that.”

I grinned as I shrugged. “Obviously, I have firsthand experience with some of these things, and I think…I think I could help other people. I don’t know. It’s something I’m considering. I have time to decide and I can change my mind. I’m okay with that—with either one. Nothing is written in stone.”

“You’re right,” he agreed, lightly knocking his knee against mine. “You can do whatever you want.”

“It’s such a…a relief knowing that,” I said, and I could tell that he was surprised by the fact I’d spoken that out loud. I was even a little bit surprised, but I’d been surprising myself every day recently. I drew in a deep breath as I glanced out over the grassy knoll. “When you visited me, you said—”

“I told you that I loved you,” he cut in, and my heart jumped a little. “That hasn’t changed, Andy. I love you.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “I didn’t know if you’d still feel that way.”

“Why? Did you think how I felt would change because you have depression?” he asked, his gaze unwavering as he reached up and twisted his cap backward. “Andy, I really hope you don’t think that badly of me.”

“No,” I immediately replied. “You’re a wonderful person.”

“And so are you. You are an amazing person, Andrea. Frankly, you did something so many people never do. You realized you had a problem and willingly got help for it. Yeah, it took something drastic and it could’ve been worse, but you did it. You turned your life around and you’re still turning your life around.”

I blinked back sudden tears. Oh gosh, he was going to make me ugly cry.

“Like I told you before, you made a shitty decision that could’ve been so much worse. You could’ve died. You could’ve killed someone else. You’re lucky that those two things didn’t happen, but you didn’t wallow in that and make more mistakes. You owned what you did and what could’ve happened. I saw your heart break when you told me. You had already realized how badly that night could’ve gone. You didn’t fight what your family wanted. You willingly went into rehab and stayed longer than the minimum. You got help, and Andrea, you have my upmost respect for that. Seriously.”

Tanner smiled at me. “You are incredibly courageous and you’re remarkably strong. You’re beautiful and you’re funny. And you are kind,” he continued. “Why wouldn’t I feel the same way about you?”

“But I…” I almost stopped right there, kept what I wanted and needed to say to myself. Almost. Part of healing and getting better was to be honest. To speak. To not bottle everything up. “I have baggage. Real baggage. I’m working on it, but I know there are going to be moments when I’m annoying and it’s going to be hard. So hard. That’s a lot to want to be a part of.”

“You don’t see me running, do you?”

I shook my head.

“And I want you to know something else, okay? I hear you.”

My throat closed up. “Tanner…”

“I hear you. Okay? I’m always going to hear you,” he said, and my heart broke and was stitched back together in the same moment. He’d remembered what I’d told him about the people who called the hotline, just needing someone to hear them. He tipped his chin to the side. “I just have one question for you, Andy.”

“What?” I whispered, still desperately trying to prevent the tears from falling.

“Why in the world did you have paint and summer sausage in your car?”

His words took a moment to sink in and when they did, a shaky laugh escaped me, and that laugh…it turned into a longer, deeper one that lasted. And goodness, it felt good, that full-body laugh. Tears snuck out the corners of my eyes, and I wiped them away, still chuckling. “Yeah, I bet…I bet that was a weird combo for everyone to see.”

“It was.” He lifted his hand, carefully swiping away a tear. “I missed your laugh.”

Blinking my eyes, I met his stare. “So have I.”

“I have something to tell you.” He leaned in so close I could almost taste his kiss. “You’ve ruined me,” he said against my mouth, his breath hot. “You’ve ruined me for anyone else. You know that, right?”

My heart was pounding again, but this time for a very good reason. “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.”

He rested his forehead against mine. “Ruined me in the best possible way. So yeah, it’s a good thing.”

“You really want to do this?” I asked.

Tanner stared into my eyes as he cupped my jaw, gently smoothing his thumb along my cheek. A naked Santa Claus could come prancing out from behind the trees, and I wouldn’t look away from those beautiful, brilliant blue eyes.

“I love you, Andrea. I’m in love with you,” he said, voice firm. “And I’m going to be right here with you, through all of it. That’s what love makes you do.”

Tilting my head, I brushed my lips over his in the lightest touch, but I felt it all the way through me, invading every cell with its warmth, and I made sure when he stared into my eyes, all he saw was happiness. “I love you, Tanner. I love you,” I said. “Do you see it?”

Tanner made a deep sound in his chest, and it rumbled through me. His hands trembled as he said, “I see it. I see the happiness.”

Hope that had sparked in my chest now lit a fire, and I fanned it, wanting it to burn hot and bright, because hope… hope was not the enemy. It was a friend, a savior. Hope was more than a new beginning. Hope was tomorrow, and hope was the symbol that I would get better, that I would undo the bad choices that I’d made, and that I would never make them again. Hope was more than a chance of redemption. It was the promise of one day finding absolution, of forgiving myself.

But it was more than that. Hope was also today, and today was so very important. There would be no more rushing through seconds and minutes. I promised myself that. I was going to live, and it was going to be hard at times. There would be setbacks and days when everything would feel dull and tarnished somehow, but I had hope and I had the knowledge to face what was causing me to suffer. I had my friends. I had Tanner.

And most importantly, I had myself.

Two months later…

Andrea

“Your parents like me.”

I grinned as I glanced over to where Tanner stood in the doorway of my bedroom, watching me tug the rings off my fingers and drop them in the little jewelry box on my dresser. “I think they like you too.”

He folded his arms across his broad chest, stretching the plain white T-shirt he’d worn under the button-down. His dress shirt had come off the moment we’d entered my apartment and now hung over the back of a chair. “Everyone likes me.”

Laughing, I rolled my eyes, but truthfully, the fact my parents had openly welcomed Tanner had me giddy with relief. I’d held off on formally introducing them to Tanner, waiting until now, a few days before Christmas, before bringing him to Sunday dinner.

Once the rings were off, I kicked off my heels and moved to the center of the bedroom. “Seriously, though, they really do like you. I think Mom wants to adopt you.”

He grinned. “I’m all about being adopted by rich doctors, except that would make things a bit awkward between you and me.”

“Just a little.” I walked toward him, my heart fluttering as he pushed off the doorframe and met me halfway. I slipped my arms around his waist. Hugging him tight, I pressed my cheek against his chest.

One of his hands curved around the back of my head and the other landed on the small of my back. He didn’t speak as we held each other, and that was okay. I was…content with the quiet moment, with me just listening to his heart beat steadily.