The crowd hasn’t dwindled at all and has only become more rambunctious and out of control. My skin would be crawling by now if Noah hadn’t been watching me like a hawk across the living room. His eyes haven’t left me all night long.

Finally, Tuck’s bulky frame fills the doorway and I practically leap from the arm of the couch into his arms. He’s always good at catching me, and never even stumbles.

“About time.” My lips brush his.

“Sorry, Blue.”

I don’t hesitate to attack his lips, planting a deep and sexy kiss. He walks backward until the backs of my legs meet the arm of the couch again. I growl at him as I break off the kiss, and he only chuckles at my clear disappointment.

“Here, this was in the mailbox for you.”

He hands me a large manila envelope and turns to greet some friends, with his hand cupping my shoulder.

Rather odd to be getting mail at Tuck’s, but maybe my mom realized I’d get it quicker here than the dorms. There’s no return address, and I can only guess this is one of her surprises.

Peeking in the envelope, I see it’s stuffed with papers. A hard shove knocks me from the back, and the contents spill from the envelope. It’s us. Tuck and me, scattered all over the floor. Full color pictures of us on the beach that day, and one paper with bold letters: “How dare you fuck around on me?”

It’s as if the papers on the floor are magnets for everyone’s attention. My exposed body mingled with Tuck’s lives for everyone’s view. His burnt flesh, the billboard of the scene. I scramble from the arm of the couch to gather them and hear several hushed noises and gasps as everyone realizes who it is.

I look back at Tuck, who has gone white and devoid of any expression, and then scramble back to the papers on the floor.

“Get out,” Tuck orders, but I don’t quit picking up the papers and stuffing them back in the envelope.

This time his voice is louder, sending a vibrating echo through the living room. “I said get the fuck out, Blue.”

My gaze rips back in his direction as I try to comprehend his words, and right when I do, he lurches for me, but Noah stops him and pins him to the wall.

“Get her out of my fucking house now.”

I remain frozen on the floor, clutching the poisonous paper to my chest.

“You made me love you and promised not to hurt me.” His voice is laced with more than anger. “Get out now.”

The last three words have the power to shatter every single window in the house. But yet I don’t understand one of them.

“Tuck.” Tears run down my cheeks as I try to stand. “This isn’t me. I didn’t do this.”

“You exposed me. Pushed me. Hope you’re happy now.”

Someone tugs on my arm.

“Tuck, no,” is all I can get out before I’m dragged out of the living room by one of his linemen. Even the party outside has hushed from the scene that just played out inside. With one hard jerk, I break from the giant’s grip.

A mixture of hatred and hurt rushes through me, transforming me into something unrecognizable, and before I even think about my next actions, I sprint back into the house screaming.

“Fuck you, Tuck Jones. Fuck you.” I send the envelope of papers flying into the living room, and this time Noah comes for me. “I fucking love you and think you’re beautiful. I’m not sorry for loving you. I didn’t do this.”

Tuck doesn’t flinch from his stance and is now being held back by two of his teammates. Noah tugs on my arm, trying to pull me from the house, and with all my strength I pull from his hold.

“You were right about one thing, Tuck. You truly are a beast.”

I don’t give Noah the chance to so kindly escort me from the house. I turn and walk off on my own, and when my tears don’t keep coming, but that odd mixture of hatred and hurt continues to course through my body, I know I’m in trouble.

Chapter 31

The dark dorm room envelops me. If there was a threat or letter slid under the door, I didn’t notice as not one light was flipped on before I crawled into bed. It’s been hours since the worst moment of my life played out before my very own eyes, and not one call or text from Tuck, Sophie, or any of my so-called friends.

My mind refuses to turn off as it churns the events over and over again and dissects Tuck’s actions. It’s enough to make me puke and crawl out of my skin. Game over, assholes. I tear away the blankets cocooning me and lace up my tennis shoes, not concerned with the rest of my attire. I don’t flinch as I walk down the hallway and slam the elevator button.

“Blue.”

I turn to see Steve standing behind his station. “Steve.”

“Everything okay?”

“Perfect.” The word is gritted out between clenched teeth.

“May I ask where you’re going? I know it’s none of my business.” He rounds the corner of the counter and makes his way closer to me. “I mean, after all, I did promise your dad that I’d keep you safe and all.”

“I’m going running.”

I don’t wait for his response before I exit the building and forgo stretching. My feet pound on the same exact route as the night I was attacked, and I wish for nothing more than a fucking neon sign glued to my forehead. I want the pain and second-guessing to stop. I crave nothing but that the attacker finish the fucking job he started.

I don’t hold back on the pace or the length of my strides. I push hard to punish every single part of my body as I run along the darkest parts of the trail, letting the night air and sounds encompass me. Not music or Tuck’s scent, just nature and the hopes of meeting my attacker. Sweat beads form and run down my back and arms. It only forces me to push harder and run faster. When the dorms comes back into view, I feel yet another stab to the heart. Life is nothing but a cruel fucking joke. When I’m forced to survive, I do, and when I’m begging to no longer survive, it’s not granted.

Entering the dorms, I notice Steve is gone and his counterpart has replaced him. Fred, just as polite and inviting as Steve, but I feel no loyalty to him, so I just rush past him in my haste to get back to my prison. When my door shuts behind me, the silent confines beckon me and I go numb.

The sheets of my once soft and welcoming bed that smell of home are harsh on my skin. Every part of me cringes as I sink into them. Even though Tuck is dead to me, he’s the only thing my body craves. My DNA needs him to function—no, yearns for him in order to survive.

My eyes drift shut, haunted by Tuck’s face and his possessive anger tonight directed toward me, and only me. It’s as if anyone else in the world saw him, and he instantly blamed me, but before I pass out completely I see the soccer player’s face and develop a hunger to hunt him down and take care of him first.

***

Drowning, still drowning in my own guilt and others’ stupidity. The world seems to keep spinning, but it doesn’t matter to me at all. The sun beckons me to wake up, but again I don’t care about attending class or even making it on time to practice. I’ve already lost the title of head cheerleader during basketball season, and it was actually a relief. It only took me showing up late to practice twice.

It’s been five days since the worst day of my life spiraled out of control, but I’ve lost so much. Even in my depths of sorrow and self-loathing, my admirer hasn’t given up. He’s even gone to the extent of speckling blood drops on my kill notes. It’s like I’ve made it near the top of his hate list, but have never secured the number one spot.

I’ve run every single night since, hoping and praying he revisits the same spot to finish the job. It seems easier than to explain to my parents the whole fucked up situation, and Tuck sure as hell hasn’t tried to make amends in the slightest.

Walking into the gym, I get a glare from Sophie and the rest of the girls behind her. In their defense, it could be my unshowered and unkempt hair or her disgust of me. Either way, I don’t fucking give a shit and hope more than anything…someone would slice my throat now and let me bleed out on the gym floor, since that’s how all my invisible open wounds feel.