Chapter 13

Jade

You’re the man I can’t envision my future without

I could feel the tension between Reid and me permeating the air. I knew I had to say something, but I wasn’t sure I could find the words to fix my mistake. We’d had a pleasant afternoon at my parents, and the joint excitement from our mother’s over the news that we were having a little girl, was a welcomed distraction, but distractions didn’t last forever and I had to talk to him eventually.

Reid lingered at my apartment door, looking more uncomfortable than I’d ever seen him.

“Do you want to stay?” I asked, hoping he would say yes. Somewhere in the weeks after that first night we’d stayed together at his place, it became somewhat of a regular occurrence. Looking back on it now I thought it may have added to our already confusing circumstances.

“I think it’s better if I get back to my place,” he replied, not lifting his head. I should have been offended that something on his shoe was more interesting than talking to me, but how could I when it was my fault he couldn’t look at me?

“Reid,” I stepped closer, grateful that we were alone. “I think it’s time we had a talk. About us.”

His head lifted, but his expression remained shuttered. If there was one thing I truly hated it was when he shut himself off from me. Even during the months that he dated Stella I could always read him, but tonight he was guarded.

“I’m not sure there’s much to talk about. You made it pretty clear this afternoon where you stand.”

“Are you going to hold that against me forever?” I snapped, allowing my exasperation to get the better of me.

Reid’s gaze bounced around, and he tightened his jaw, two things that gave away his agitation. “Like I said, I don’t think there’s much left to talk about at this point.”

I wanted to scream. This man infuriated me to no end, and when he shut down on me I wanted to slap him. Deciding I’d had enough, I crossed the room until we were only an arm-length apart.

“All I want is for you tell me what’s going on in your head,” I said quietly. “Because I’m tired of trying to figure it out. Tell me what you want from me, Reid. Please.”

“Nothing,” he replied, his voice void of any emotion. “I don’t want anything from you, Jade. Not anymore.”

I glowered at him, and as hard as I tried to hide what I was feeling, I just couldn’t. His words were like a knife to the chest, tearing through flesh and bone until everything was shredded.

“You’re leaving me?” My breath caught in my throat as I tried to grasp what he meant.

He frowned. “No, but I’m tired of fighting for us on my own. You are the mother of my child, and it’s my responsibility to take care of you, both of you, and that’s what I’ll do.”

And there it was – my fear that he was only sticking around out of obligation, and not because he wanted to.

“Don’t do me any favors,” I bit out, grappling for some control, “If you want to leave, the door is right behind you. I don’t want to be just a responsibility, and there’s no way I will allow our child to feel like some kind of burden.”

Reid’s arms flew up, and his shutters came down when he half-yelled, “You are not just a fucking responsibility. I love you, more than anything or anyone, and you keep pushing me away. You are so much more than just the mother of my child, but I can’t force you to see that. Tell me what more I can do to make you understand that you are everything to me, because I’m hanging on by a damn thread hoping that a part of you might feel the same way.”

My heart stuttered to life, and it took me a minute to find my voice. I’d been so afraid that he no longer wanted to be with me, that I failed to see how my actions had affected him. Had he been just as afraid as I was?

I knew how I felt about him, but something stopped me from saying it straight away. He mistook my silence for something it wasn’t, a confirmation that I didn’t reciprocate his feelings, but before he reached the door I stopped him. We’d wasted too much time dancing around the issue of us and I didn’t want to waste any more. It meant I had to tell him everything, whether I was ready or not.

“I’m scared,” I said, holding on to his jacket. His back was to me, but at least he was listening. “I’m scared that the only reason you’re sticking around is because I’m pregnant.”

That made him turn, and the look in his eyes had me taking a step back. His brows were furrowed, and his mouth drawn tight.

“Have you not heard a word I just said?”

“I know I’ve pushed you away,” I continued. “But I have no idea what I’m doing, and the thought of you being with me out of obligation has me terrified. I’ve been fumbling around in the dark without realizing that you were fumbling right alongside me.”

Reid remained quiet, but his eyes flared with everything he’d been hiding from me. When he didn’t speak, I carried on until I’d bled my heart dry.

“You’re my best friend, and when I screwed things up I felt so lost without you. Then I found out I was pregnant and I ignorantly convinced myself you were going to run as soon as soon as I told you. I was so wrong, and I see now that I don’t want to have this baby without you. You’re more than just the father of my child, you’re my soul mate,” – the tears fell, because I was pregnant and hormonal for fuck sakes, and I couldn’t control them – “you’re my better half, you’re my best friend, and you’re the man I can’t envision my future without,” – I caught my breath – “and I love you more now than I ever thought possible.”

The quiet that followed my little speech was deafening, and I found myself holding my breath in anticipation of what Reid would say next. Time passed in slow motion, and I swore I could hear every tick of the clock on the kitchen.

“Are you done?” He asked, lifting a brow.

My face fell and I started to worry that I’d said something he didn’t want to hear. Had I misread everything?

I tried stepping back, but Reid caught my wrist and pulled me into him. He gazed down at me, and I waited, unsure of what to expect.

“I want to kiss you so bad,” he whispered.

“Then kiss me. Right now. Like it’s the first time.”

Reid leaned in until our lips brushed. It was gentle, teasing, and not enough. I brought my arms around his neck, and reached onto the balls of my feet, pressing my mouth harder against his. His hands moved to my waist, caressing the swell of my stomach, and the new roundness of my hips. His tongue traced my bottom lip, and when I opened for him I couldn’t help but sigh. It was so much better than the first time he’d kissed me like this, because for us it felt like a clean slate. We’d never forget how we got here, but we could start over and let go of the fears that had been holding us back all this time.

Reid groaned, and the rumble in his chest made me shiver.

“I want you,” he murmured after breaking our kiss.

“You have me,” I spoke softly.

His mouth lifted at the side, and his boyish grin made my insides warm with elation. “I’ve waited a lifetime for you, Jade Matthews.”

“No more waiting,” – I kissed him again, because his lips were right there – “No more games. It’s just you, and me, and our baby girl.”

“It’s always been that way, you were just too stubborn to see it,” he chuckled. The light in his eyes was a welcomed sight, something I’d missed all these months.

“But I still love you,” he added, “Even when you drive me crazy, and when you piss me off.”

“Then we’re even, Mr. Cole, because nobody drives me crazier than you do.”

“But you still love me.”

I gave him a shy smile, and cupped his cheek in my hand, brushing my thumb over his bottom lip. “I don’t think I ever stopped.”

A DELICIOUS SMELL stirred me from my sleep, and when I rolled over, expecting to find Reid, the bed was empty. I took Reid’s black button down shirt from the back of my chair, and inhaled it after slipping it on over my cotton t-shirt.