"I'm not going to say anything until you're ready to listen to me."

93

The Stillburrow Crush

by Linda Kage

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I'm listening." I didn't plan on listening to one excuse, though.

But then he said, "You're absolutely right." My eyebrows shot up. Of course I was right. But it was a shock to hear him admit it.

"I lied to my friends about why I was spending time with you," he said. "But it wasn't because I was ashamed of letting them know I'd volunteered to."

"Then why?"

"I thought you were going to shut up and listen for once."

"I'll listen when you have something to say." He made a growling sound and muttered something I didn't catch, probably ran his hand through his hair too, in that harried way he had. "I lied because I didn't want anyone to know why I wanted to meet with you." I snorted. "Well, I don't think you have to worry about that much. Because I know you volunteered and I don't have a clue as to why."

"OK, fine." I heard him sigh and I swear I could feel him struggle with himself over the phone line. "I'll tell you." Something knocked against my chest, hard. It took me a moment to realize it was my heart. I was touched by the tone of his voice. He sounded tortured—like he had some huge mystery and I was the only human on earth able to solve it. I wasn't going to let him know he was tugging at my heartstrings, though. No, I was rather proud of the bitter sound my voice had when I said, "Oh, so now you're going to grace me with the knowledge of your precious secret?"

"Yes," he said in a strained pitch. 94

The Stillburrow Crush

by Linda Kage

"What makes you think I care what your little mystery is anymore?"

He groaned. "Carrie, let me come over. I'll explain everything."

"Why can't you tell me now?"

He sounded incredulous. "I'm not talking about it over the phone."

I hissed at him. I wanted to scream. Dang. He must have realized I'd have to know his secret—that I wouldn't rest easy until I did. I sighed. Curiosity was going to be the death of me. "OK. OK. Come over. And bring your trigonometry book. I might as well get something good out of this too."

"I'll be right over." He said it quick and didn't bother to say goodbye, merely slamming the phone down.

I wondered then if we'd ever have a phone conversation with proper farewells.

Luke didn't come right over like I'd expected him to. I let Mom know he was on his way and she asked if we'd worked out our problem. I told her there'd never been a problem. She only smiled to herself and rolled out dough for a pie. I leaned against the kitchen counter, resting on my elbows and snipped off a piece of the unbaked crust when she turned to fetch the pie pan. I waited there for a minute almost expecting a pounding at the door right away, even though I knew it would take him longer than that to get to my place. But when time passed and he still hadn't shown, my smugness started to dissipate. He was going to stand me up. OK, it wasn't like a date or anything. But this was as close to a date as I'd ever come. I began to pace the living room. 95

The Stillburrow Crush

by Linda Kage

Mom popped her head in and asked if I wanted anything to drink. I wanted to snarl and tell her to cut the perfection act, but I only shook my head no.

When Luke finally rang the doorbell, I about tore the hinges off opening it for him. I was on the verge of asking what happened to, "I'll be right over," when I caught the look on his face. He was nervous. He looked sick-to-his-stomach pale. And his eyes darted. He held his bag down at his side today not over his shoulder and his fingers were gripped around the strap tightly enough to make his knuckles turn white. I decided against cracking a smart-aleck remark.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

He nodded but didn't speak. He was acting as if speaking would unsettle his stomach and he might vomit his afterschool snack all over the floor. I shut the door behind him quietly and led him to the kitchen. Luke pulled up short when he saw my mom at the counter, pouring cherry filling into her piecrust. His gaze zipped toward me in a panic. I wanted to demand right then what the matter was.

"Hello again, Luke." Mom set her work down and smiled at him.

He nodded back but didn't return the smile. "Hi."

"Back again to tutor Carrie?" He nodded but still said nothing, and Mother smoothed her hands down the side of her apron. "Well, isn't that nice of you? Would you like something to drink?"

He raised a shoulder like he didn't care one way or the other.

"Is milk all right, then?" Mom said. 96

The Stillburrow Crush

by Linda Kage

From the horror on Luke's face, I thought he might go into the whole never-consume-health-food-right-after-school spiel. But he refrained and accepted the milk with a nod. Mom was quick to serve him, but while her back was turned Luke glanced at my pile of schoolbooks on the kitchen table. "Not here," he whispered, darting a look from my mother back to me. I wasn't about to suggest that we go to my room to study but Mom took the decision right out of my hands. She handed the milk to Luke and as he chugged it like he had cottonmouth, she glanced at the table and then to us.

"Why don't you two go to Carrie's room to study? I'm afraid I'll disturb you if you stay in here." My jaw fell open, but Luke thanked her as he handed the empty glass back. He turned to me and almost pulled me into leading him to my room. When I glanced back, I could see my mother over his shoulder. She winked at me. Again. I seethed the whole way. "If you say one word about my—

"

"I don't care if it's decorated in pink ruffles and is stuffed with teddy bears," he said, pushing me inside. He shut the door behind us and turned. His hands were in the air as if he were ready to deliver a speech. But when he saw my room, he stopped.

"Wow. It's like stepping from day into night." He had a point. My bed wasn't made. My clothes were strewn across the floor. I had papers and notebooks stacked in every corner. Posters I'd taped to the wall hung crookedly. I guess it was a typical teenager's bedroom but that didn't mean I was proud of it.

97

The Stillburrow Crush

by Linda Kage

I glared at Luke's startled expression. "I thought you didn't care."

He shook his head. "You're right, I don't. I like your room. It's...homey."

I snorted, then jumped when he grabbed my shoulders. I looked into his eyes and my mouth fell open. I'd never seen him look so serious before.

"Swear to me," he said. "Swear that what I'm about to tell you does not leave this room."

I nodded. My heart started that odd thumping again.

"You can't tell anyone," he said.

"I won't."

He shook his head, as if not yet trusting me. "I've never said anything about any of this to anyone in my entire life." I gasped. "You're gay, aren't you?" His shoulders sagged and he closed his eyes. "I'm serious, Carrie."

"What?" I said. "That's exactly how you're making it sound. It's like you're coming out of the closet or something."

"I'm not gay. But that's exactly what everyone would think if they knew."

"Knew what?"

He bit his lip and stared at me. Then slowly, he turned away and bent down to his bag. He unzipped it and reached inside. I held my breath but when he pulled out a plain notebook, I exhaled like a deflated balloon. He turned back slowly.