Nate gave me an unfathomable look. It slowly turned into an answering smirk.

‘Speaking of –’ I bit my lip nervously. ‘I think Cole knows what we’re up to, thanks to you feeling me up last night.’

Confusion clouded his features. ‘When?’

‘You touched my ass in the kitchen when you came through for snacks. Cole caught the whole thing.’

Nate’s brow cleared. ‘Och, I’m sure Cole doesn’t think anything of it. He knows I’m a flirt.’

I had actually thought the same thing myself, but hearing him say it – the suggestion that I was no more special than a random woman he’d meet at a bar – was a lash across the wound he’d opened in my chest. The angry pain it elicited caused me to speak without thinking. More like use ‘a tone’ without thinking: ‘Does he see you flirting with other women a lot?’

I was rewarded with a blank look. ‘That sounds suspiciously like the accusation of a jealous girlfriend.’ He got up off the bed and headed toward the door.

The blank look, the casual way he blew me off, lit an angry fire under my ass.

‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ I snapped, hurrying past him. I took the stairs two at a time.

Sylvie caught me making my way to the bathroom, where I was hoping to take a minute to collect myself. Openly concerned by the thunderous expression on my face, she asked me if I was all right and I reassured her quickly, hearing Nate’s footsteps coming down the stairs.

For the rest of the day there was a strain between us. While I laughed and joked with his parents, I avoided his eyes and spoke to him only when the conversation forced me to do so.

We’d finished up dinner and spent hours chatting into the evening when things took an even more awkward turn.

Nathan smiled at me, relaxed and seemingly content. ‘It’s so good to see Nate with such a lovely girl, Olivia.’

‘Dad, Liv’s just a friend,’ Nate replied, a warning note in his tone that hurt me, and clearly made his parents uncomfortable.

His dad shot him a dirty look. I thought he was going to reprimand him for being rude, but instead his expression softened and he reached for his beer. That seemed to be the end of it, until he took a sip and then quietly said, ‘I’m not blind.’

Awkward.

Nate got us the hell out of there.

I hugged his parents good-bye, wishing I could stay with them while Nate hoofed it back to the rental by himself. He had such a good family, such a happy family, and I knew he appreciated it. This, unfortunately, was a catalyst for my growing lack of understanding. When he had two parents who loved him and each other, when he could see what was possible … why didn’t he want the same things for himself? Alana was haunting him, preventing him from moving on, but he was letting her. He was actively holding her specter up as a shield against …

Well …

Me.

The car pulled away from Nathan and Sylvie’s, and I stubbornly faced away from Nate, my cheek pressed against the cool glass of the passenger window. My eyes followed the smattering of stars in the dark sky and I did my best to control my breathing so I didn’t sound as nervous as I felt. Nate and I had never argued before. Not seriously, anyway.

To my surprise we didn’t take the route back to the rental. Instead Nate kept driving, taking roads I didn’t recognize, until finally he pulled off into a dark, empty parking lot surrounded by the tall yellow grass of the sand dunes. I could hear the waves crashing ashore beyond the dunes.

Reluctantly, I turned to him as he pulled to a stop. ‘What are you doing?’

He eyed me warily. ‘Earlier you said you wanted to go to the beach.’

‘But won’t the tide be in?’

‘Low tide at this time of night.’ He abruptly got out of the car, not waiting for my answer.

I got out too, shivering in the cool salt air. My eyes followed him as he made his way toward the sand dunes, but I didn’t move. The slumped line of his shoulders got to me, and when he turned, the moonlight caught something in his eyes that looked like defeat. And I hated that he felt that way. No matter how mad I was at him.

‘Nate, what is it?’

Sucking in a huge breath, he shook his head, stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets as he stared off into the distance.

‘Nate?’

My heart was pounding so hard.

‘I feel like I’m disappointing him.’

I tensed. ‘Who?’

His eyes came back to me. ‘Dad.’

‘Why?’

‘He’s not a man who fucks around with people, Liv. He’s always been steadfast. Loyal. He knows how I treat women, and he doesn’t like it.’

‘ “Treat women”? Nate, it’s not like you’re awful to women. You just go through a lot of them. And you …’ I squeezed my hands behind my back in an effort to curb the pain. ‘You never make them any promises.’

‘Don’t,’ he whispered hoarsely. ‘I’ve hurt women by not giving a shit what happens after I’ve fucked them. Let’s not pretend I’m something I’m not.’

My blood heated. ‘If you don’t like what you’re doing, then stop it. Your dad isn’t disappointed in you, Nate. He loves you and he’s proud of you. That’s plain to anyone who spends time with the two of you. He just wants you to move on. And you know what?’ I threw my hands up. ‘Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s time to move on from Alana. Find a nice girl. Settle down.’

It was the wrong thing to say.

Nate’s lip curled as he eyed me disdainfully. ‘And what? I find a nice girl and you finally fuck the unwitting Benjamin – Library Boy?’

Not liking this side of him one bit, I glared at him, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned back on the hood of the car. ‘I’d say I’m ready. You’ve got me all trained up. Lessons learned. I’m pretty fuckable now, right? I think he’ll enjoy it.’

I only had a moment to see the anger flare in his eyes before he rushed me. I found myself gripped by the nape of the neck as he hauled me up against him and started kissing me. It was rough, bruising, nipping, biting, and I gave as good as I got.

Breathing harshly, Nate pushed me back on the hood, insinuating himself between my legs. Shoving my dress up, he leaned over me, eyes black as the night around us, and I arched into his mouth as he pulled the straps of my dress, and the bra underneath, down to allow his lips access to my naked breasts. His hand slid along my inner thigh, his fingers dipping under my panties and pushing inside me.

I cried out as he cursed hoarsely at finding me wet and ready.

And then it was all about desperation.

My panties were gone. His zip yanked down. My hips in his hard grasp as he pulled me down the hood of the car to meet his cock. He pumped into me, feeding my frenzy, and our surroundings no longer mattered. I didn’t care that we were outside. I didn’t care that I was on the hood of a car. All I cared about was that he wanted me. I took that, my inner muscles squeezing around his hard thrusts, extorting his release from him.

He relaxed against me, both of us lying across the hood, his warm breath on my neck, my legs wrapped around his waist. I could feel his heart thudding against mine. The skin of his back clammy and warm beneath my hands. I took it all.

I took it all and held on to it for a while.

And he let me.

Because I think he knew that it wouldn’t be long before he yanked it all away from me.

Nate was tender, almost apologetic after the wild sex on the rental car. It was only later that I realized he hadn’t said a word during the sex. It wasn’t like him. He usually said something hot, dirty, to spur us on. That he hadn’t made me feel like he was as angry and as confused as I was. Too caught up in pushing that confusion away – just needing to connect, not to think, let alone speak. At least that’s what I let myself believe.

We drove in silence back to the rental house, but I could feel his gaze on me every now and then. Searching. As soon as we arrived at the house, I left him to mingle with our friends while I headed for bed. Jo followed me upstairs. Concerned. I convinced her I was okay. Not so much my pillow. I think it was the tears that soaked it through the night that gave me away.