“Yeah, no shit. Why do you hang around with someone like me anyway? You want to save me?” I don’t remember my feet moving, but I was in her face, looking down at her as her eyes filled with tears. “You pray for me? Is that it? Am I your good deed to get into heaven?”

“Please don’t make fun of me.” She swiped her fingers over her cheek to wipe away a tear that had fallen.

“Don’t make it so easy,” I snapped back between clenched teeth, the brim of my hat nearly touching her forehead.

I turned around and began walking through the trees, needing to distance myself from the one person who could make the pain go away.

“Jacob,” she called after me. My feet were moving, but my heart had stopped. “Please don’t leave this way.”

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the pain laced in her words. It killed me that I was hurting her, but my pride wouldn’t let it go. “There are plenty of girls who wouldn’t mind holding my hand in town.”

“Is that what you want? You want to be my boyfriend?”

“No. It’s not.” I was being cruel, but I was pissed off at my father, and Annie was the only other person I had, so naturally she bore the brunt of my anger. The thought of someone so special to me being too embarrassed to be seen with me killed me inside. “This is the only way it can be.” I didn’t turn around because I knew if I saw her face I’d never be able to walk away. “Have a nice life.” I began walking, blocking out everything as I made my way out of the trees and across the field. I pulled a cigarette from my pack and lit it. I wasn’t being fair. I couldn’t expect her to understand where I was coming from. But that was part of the problem. Her life was so easy.

As I reached the dirt road, I noticed Nat sitting on the steps of her porch, her long tan legs stretched before her in shorts that shouldn’t be legal.

“Do I even want to know what you were doing out there?” she called out playfully.

I glanced over my shoulder at the trees and began walking toward her porch. “You really don’t.”

Her tongue ran out over her lower lip, causing it to glisten in the sunlight. My body reacted, and for the first time it wasn’t accompanied by guilt. I always knew Annie was too good for me, but knowing it and hearing it were too different things.

“You want to hang out?” I asked, pretending I didn’t notice her eyes widen. She was the polar opposite of Annie. I wanted to prove to her that I was good enough for someone, or at least prove it to myself.

“My place?” I motioned with my chin toward my house, and she smiled before pushing up from the porch and dusting off her ass with her hands.

“Your dad home?” She gazed up at me through her long lashes with a smirk. I leaned closer to whisper in her ear.

“Just you and me, sweetheart.” I winked as I took another drag from my cigarette, watching her teeth dig into her bottom lip.

I couldn’t keep my eyes from the tree line as I walked back to my house. I didn’t know if Annie was still there, lurking in the shadows, or if she had gone back to her perfect world where she could be sheltered from people like me. I flicked my butt onto the road and placed my hand on the small of Nat’s back as we climbed the stairs to my house. If she was watching, I wanted her to know that not everyone felt like I was beneath them.

When we got inside the kitchen, Nat looked around, not sure where to go. I pulled open the freezer and grabbed my dad’s bottle of Jack Daniels, holding it up for her to see. She nodded, and I grabbed the soda to chase our shots.

“So,” Nat said as she walked over to the counter and leaned against it as I poured our first round. “Why the sudden change in attitude?”

I didn’t look up at her as I swallowed back the lump forming in my throat. I grabbed my glass and poured it down my throat before refilling it.

“Just a shitty day.” I held up her shot for her, and she took it from my hand as her eyebrows pulled together.

“You’re not gonna get all serious and cry are you?” she joked before drinking back her shot. I rolled my eyes, hating that the one person who would understand wasn’t here. I held up the glass of soda, and Nat drank it down greedily. “God damn. Now that was strong.”

“Don’t say that.” The words tumbled out before I could stop myself. Nat laughed, and I could feel the familiar anger begin to surface.

“Don’t say what? You have got to be kidding me.” She rolled her eyes as I refilled my glass.

“This was a bad idea.” I drank, slamming the glass down a little harder than necessary.

“Hey…come on. I’m sorry. I’ll behave.” She stuck out her lower lip and held her shot glass out to be refilled. I sighed as I poured the amber liquid, sloshing it over her fingers. She emptied her glass again. “What’s wrong?” She had somehow moved closer, and her side was now against mine as she leaned over the counter.

“It’s nothing.”

“I’m serious. I want to know.” Nat placed her warm hand on mine, curling her fingers around mine.

I turned my body toward hers as I took her in through blurred vision. “You think I’m a bad person?”

“What?”

“Never mind,” I groaned and pulled my hand out from under hers. I began to walk around her, but she placed her hand on my bare chest to stop me.

“No. I just mean…How could you think you’re a bad person? I know you like to pick on me and whatever”—she rolled her eyes—“but you were there for me when my pap died.”

I glanced down at her hand and back to her eyes. She wore minimal makeup, but her eyes popped under thick mascara and just the hint of color on her eyelids. “You needed a friend.”

“Well, now you need a friend.” She shrugged as our bodies inched slightly closer. I placed my hand over hers on my chest, pressing it against my heated skin.

“I can’t be fixed,” I said, feeling my heart ache at just the thought of Annie. My gaze fell to her lips, slightly parted as her breathing grew more rapid. She took my other hand and placed it over her own heart, her chest rising and falling rapidly as my palm pressed against the top of her breast.

“Let me try,” she whispered as she pushed up on her toes and pressed her lips against mine. I slid my arm around the small of her back and pulled her body against mine as her hands moved up my neck.

The next hour was a blur of sweat-slicked skin and shaky fingers as we explored each other’s bodies. The night faded to black soon after, as did my soul.

A kick to my leg woke me, and I opened my eyes, trying to focus and take in my surroundings. I was lying on the couch, alone thankfully. I sat up with a groan as I wiped my hand over my mouth, desperate for some water.

“Late night?”

I nodded, grabbing my hat from the floor and pulling it on my head.

“It’s three in the morning. You should head up to bed.”

I nodded again as I stifled a yawn. “You just getting home?” I asked as I glanced around the living room, wondering when Nat had left but thankful she was gone.

“We had a breaking and entering over on Walton and a runaway.” I heard him groan as I climbed the stairs to my room. I fell onto my bed facedown, not bothering to pull down the covers. My head thumped as flashes of last night came flooding back to me. I closed my eyes and forced myself to forget what Nat and I had done. I was right. I couldn’t be fixed.

“So what is it? You’re a slut, a junkie, your momma forcing you to turn tricks to feed her habits?” Colin asked as he brushed by me, coldness in his eyes.

“What? No. None of those things. I swear.” I tucked my wild honey-blond hair behind my ear as I looked to the ground.

He eyed me suspiciously, and I shrank under his accusatory glare. “It’s got to be something.”