I stared at Colin’s back as he poured our drinks, not speaking.

“I’m sorry I was being such a bitch. I just hate that you never tell me anything. I’m not a child anymore. If something is happening, I have a right to know.”

Colin hung his head as he leaned with both hands on the wooden stand. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yes it is.”

He turned to face me, a drink in each hand, sadness on his face. He held a glass out to me, and I took it with a small appreciative smile. I sniffed as I raised it to my mouth, scrunching my nose at its harsh smell.

“Breathe out, drink, then you inhale,” he said before pouring his drink back like water.

I expelled all of the air from my lungs and tilted the glass back, fire burning its way down my throat as a drop of amber liquid slid over my lip and down my chin. Colin wiped it away with his finger before it could hit my stark white dress.

I gasped, hating the flavor of the alcohol more than the bitter wood taste of the wine. “That doesn’t make it any better,” I said with a laugh as my body immediately began to warm and my lips went numb. Colin took the glass from my hand and set them both on his nightstand.

“It takes practice.”

As my laugh subsided, I looked over at him. He still looked troubled. “What did you want to show me?” I asked as I blinked my heavy eyelids, my tongue feeling thick.

“I wanted to show you that I do care about you.”

“What?” His voice sounded muffled as I squeezed my eyes shut before forcing them wide, the room blurring around me.

“Shh…I’m sorry.” His hands were on my shoulders as he lowered me onto the mattress. “I couldn’t risk you screaming and our guests hearing you.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, and I couldn’t even lift an arm to protest. “It’s just the pills that I take to help me sleep through the nightmares. It’ll wear off by morning.” His warm lips pressed against my forehead, and the bed moved beside me. I listened to his footsteps grow distant, and then his door closed. The faint click of a lock registered in my mind before dreams took over.

I slid down to my knees, the hard wooden floorboards causing them to ache instantaneously, but the pain was welcome as the rest of my body felt numb. I glanced up at Colin, who smiled sadly as he dropped to his knees beside me and grabbed my hand in his, clutching it painfully tight at his side. We let our eyes fall closed, and Taylor began to say a prayer at the front of the church for my mother.

“Dear Lord, I ask you to turn this weakness into strength, suffering into compassion, sorrow into joy, and pain into comfort for others. May your servant trust in your goodness and hope in your faithfulness, even in the middle of this suffering. Let him be filled with patience and joy in your presence as he waits for your healing touch.”

“I need to see her,” I whispered, and Colin’s thumb slid over the back of my hand in warning to not speak. I pictured my mother’s vibrant smile the day we came here, full of hope and wanting to help others. It had been three weeks since I had seen her. She had suddenly fallen ill shortly after we arrived, and now she was resting in the main house. It killed me inside not to be able to comfort her. Taylor said her condition was improving, but he didn’t want to expose her to any other illnesses.

When the service ended, Colin pulled me to my feet, and my knees shook, threatening to give out from under me. He looped his arm around my waist and guided me toward the door.

We left the overcrowded building and made our way slowly across the meadow, the hot Mississippi sun blaring down on us and causing my stomach to turn from the sudden influx of heat.

“I need to see her, Colin,” I said now with more authority in my tone.

“You’ll never get inside Taylor’s house, and if you do, you might not come back out.” His voice was laced with worry, and it jarred me coming from someone who seemed to fear nothing.

“I’ll try to check on her for you, but I have to figure out a way to gain back some of Taylor’s trust first.”

“Why doesn’t he trust you?” I stopped walking and turned to face him.

“Because of you.”

“Can I have a moment with you, Colin?” Taylor called from behind us, and I jumped, gasping audibly.

Colin looked to me before heading back toward Taylor. “I’ll catch up with you at the dining hall,” he called over his shoulder, and I waved as I continued toward the old barn.

I groaned, turning my face into my pillow as I tried to escape the memories, but I had drunk way too much last night and was unable to wake myself.

“The time has come, son.”

I tried to hide my sneer as he called me son.

“I need more time,” I replied, knowing he was losing faith in me and was growing restless with my hesitation. We walked toward Morgan Hall, our own cafeteria, which was nothing more than an old barn that had been fixed up to include a kitchen. Picnic tables lined the inside of the building, and nearly every seat was filled. Our church had grown exponentially over the last few weeks as members from other factions had traveled here to witness what Taylor was calling the Living Testament.

“I had another vision last night.”

I furrowed my brow. He stopped, smirking as he placed a hand on either shoulder. “Tonight is the night.” He laughed with joy, and my heart fell into my stomach. I thought I would have a few more weeks to figure out a way to get us out of this mess.

I looked across the room, and there was Annie sitting at the end of a table, looking down at her food. “She’s not ready. She needs her mother. She’s sick with worry and hasn’t eaten in two days.”

“She needs guidance, discipline. If she is not doing something she should, you make her.”

“Yes, sir.” I swallowed back the bile rising in my throat. I glanced back over at Annie, who looked up, hopeful that I could somehow save her from the man beside me who was playing God.

“Tonight.” He patted my shoulder, and my feet moved underneath me, but my mind had checked out. I had seen, participated in what went on behind closed doors in this place. I couldn’t subject Annie to that. She trusted me, and I knew how unworthy I was of that trust, but I was all she had. I knew her mother was probably dead the first day she stepped foot inside that house and didn’t come out. What did that mean for me and Annie if we didn’t help carry out his self-fulfilling prophecies? What would happen to her if I refused and someone else took my place? She wasn’t safe with or without me.

“You mind if I join you?” I asked, and she smiled weakly. I nudged her leg so she would scoot over and make room.

“There’s a special service tomorrow.” I ran my damp palms over my khaki pant legs, hating that I my usual confidence had wavered. Her eyes danced over the strangers who sat in front of us.

“I’m sure…it will be great.”

I forced a smile as she dipped her spoon into her soup. “Do you want to go over the lesson tonight?” I asked as I looked over my shoulder to Taylor, who was smiling proudly.

“Sure. I’d like that. I need all the help I can get.”

“I know.”

I rolled over, my arms banding around her waist as I jolted from my sleep. I blinked a few times before looking down at Annie sleeping beside me. I let go of her and rolled onto my back, rubbing my hands over my face.

Annie groaned and rolled toward me, throwing her leg over mine as she snuggled against my side.