“I need you.” I meant it in every sense of the words. I needed her to breathe, to feel. Without her, I knew I would lose myself again in the sadness and anger. I wouldn’t be able to come back again from the darkness. There would be no other Emma for me.

“I promise, when we get back, you can take me anywhere and anyway you like.” She grinned wickedly as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth. I would miss this. I would miss her so much it would be unbearable.

I reached up, using my thumb to free her lip from her teeth. “Let’s go.” I took her hand and pulled her behind me as we left the apartment and made our way down the stairs. I was fighting against my natural instinct of self-preservation.

As we pulled up outside of Judy’s house, Emma looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. It killed me to know it was going to go much worse than she could ever imagine. It wasn’t as simple as her aunt disapproving of us, which was one thing I could not protect her against. She needed to know who the man she loved really was. I didn’t deserve her, and a small part of me had always known that. Still, I entertained the idea of running off with her and keeping her blissfully ignorant to the monster I was inside.

“Having second thoughts?” I asked, brushing a few strands of hair off her forehead. She shook her head as she opened her door. She paused looking back at me over her shoulder. “Just give me a minute, okay?” I nodded, and she leaned across the seat, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips before releasing my hand and leaving me to my own demons.

She walked toward the house, glancing back at me as she made her way across the street. It tore me up inside to sit back and let everything we had fall apart, but I wasn’t going to go against what Emma wanted. I watched her open the front door and step inside. My entire body was humming as I forced myself to sit in the car. My mind flashed with Judy telling Emma all the terrible things about me, and I wouldn’t be there to console her Not that she would want me to touch her after she finds out just how sick and twisted I really am. But Judy wouldn’t offer her that comfort, either. She would laugh in her face. I glanced over at the house and noticed that the driveway was empty. That was all the convincing I needed. I got out of the car and made my way across the street, slipping inside the front door of the small home.

Emma stepped out of the hallway, relief on her face, and I was finally able to breathe again.

“I was just going to call you. She’s not home.”

Her words took a second to sink in. Judy wasn’t home. I couldn’t help but smile. I had more time with Emma, if even just another day. I felt the weight of my guilt lift from my shoulders.

“Let’s go back to my place. A promise is a promise.” I smiled as I lowered my mouth to hers, needing to touch her. Before our mouths could meet, a faint melody interrupted us.

“What’s that?” She pulled back from me as her eyes searched mine. She made her way down the narrow hall, and I followed behind her, the sound growing louder as we approached. She stopped suddenly in my path, and her hand flew over her mouth.

“Oh, my god. That’s my aunt’s ringtone. She’s home.” She whispered, panic in her voice.

“But her car wasn’t in the driveway.” I said as Emma’s eyes searched mine. She hadn’t noticed, but that didn’t ease her worry. She reached out and gripped the doorknob to her aunt’s bedroom. It creaked loudly as she shoved it open. It took a moment for our eyes to adjust to the darkness.

I froze as I saw the lifeless, naked body of J strewn across her bed. Her legs were wide open, and she stared off into nothingness. This was what I wanted to avoid. I had done everything, even prepared to sacrifice my own love to make things right. Was this some sort of a cruel joke?

“Judy!” Emma’s painful scream broke me from my fog. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back from the room, trying to block her aunt’s dead body from her view. She struggled against my grip, and I held her tighter, refusing to let go. I would never let her go again. She thrashed and struggled as she cried out in heartbreak. I stroked her hair as I clutched her to my chest, hating that this was the only way she could still be mine. Even though I had not perpetrated the crime, I knew without a doubt that she had died because of me. Stephen had stepped up when he knew I wouldn’t.

“Shhh…” I whispered into her hair as I tried to desperately to keep her from losing it completely.

“I need to call someone!” She was breaking down. I pulled her toward me and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“It’s going to be okay, Emma. I’m going to take care of you.” I had no other choice. Confessing all of my sins now would only leave her completely alone. Not even I was that cruel. I wiped the tears from her cheeks as she looked up at me through unsure eyes. “I’ll be here the whole time.”

I placed another kiss on her damp skin before taking her by the hand and guiding her down the hallway to the kitchen. I grabbed Emma’s cell phone and guided her out the front door into the blistering heat of the afternoon sun.

With shaky fingers, she unlocked it and dialed the police.

“My aunt…my aunt is…,” she sobbed. Her voice was so weak and fragile. I couldn’t imagine that this was less painful for her than finding out who I really was. I took the phone from her shaky hands and carefully explained to the operator what had happened as Emma sank to her knees and cried. I didn’t deserve to be Emma’s hero in this situation. I was anything but. I hung up the phone and grabbed Emma, helping her to her feet. I took her in my arms and held her as more sobs wracked her body.

“This can’t be happening.” Her fingers fisted into my T-shirt, and she clung to me. Sirens began to wail in the distance, and soon the driveway filled with police and emergency vehicles of every kind. They moved in and out of the house, talking to us in brief spurts as they assessed the situation. Finally, an officer stood in front of us with notebook in hand.

“I need to take your statements,” he said, his eyes dancing between us.

“I just came home. I didn’t think she was here. I found her.” Emma sounded like she was in a daze.

“Can you verify your whereabouts in the past twenty-four hours?” His gaze drifted between Emma and me.

“She was with me.” Admitting that Emma and I were together would finally do us some good. It was sickening that anything in this situation would bring me any kind of pleasure, especially if I was the indirect cause. I shook the thought from my head. This was Abby’s doing. If she had kept her distance and not been so goddamned greedy, Emma wouldn’t be hurting.

“Is there anyone else who can verify that?” he asked. His eyebrow rose as he looked at us. I glanced down at Emma, my lip curling into a slight smile.

“We were alone.” I saw it register in his eyes that Emma and I were alone together for good reason. He didn’t push it further.

He continued to question us, directing most to Emma, but when she was unable to find the words or contain her emotions, I did my best to fill in the blanks. No one knew that J and I had a past outside of the club. To the outside world, it would be a coincidence if it ever came to light. Even Emma would verify that we had never met while we’ve been a couple. I had dodged a bullet, while J lost her life.

They brought J’s body out on a stretcher covered by a thin white sheet, and Emma collapsed in my arms. I knew she had seen too many of her loved ones’ lives cut short. It killed me inside to know that if I hadn’t been in her life, she might still have her around. I was also well aware that Judy did not care for Emma, and who knew what state of mind she would be in without someone who loved her and protected her?