I felt Camden hesitate as he walked, his head turning to look at me. I was grateful for the darkness, that he couldn’t see my face or the heat on my cheeks. Still, after what I’d said yesterday, this was nothing.

“I see,” Derek said. “And your mother? Who may or may not be considered a hostage at this point.”

“What about her?”

“Would you do anything for her? Would you risk your life to save hers?”

I wish the first thought that entered my head was yes. I wish I didn’t have to think about it, to weigh it, to wrestle with it. Because I honestly didn’t know. Would I give up my mother to save Camden and Gus? Yes. I would. I was a horrible daughter, I know that, just to even think it, but it was the truth. Would I save my mother if it meant I’d die in the process? That … I didn’t know. I just didn’t.

I hated how that made me feel.

Like I had no humanity left. That I wasn’t as selfless as I tried to be.

When it came to me or her, I had no idea how that would play out.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I guess I’ll have to find out.” I licked my lips and felt the need to explain. “My mother and I weren’t very close, she–”

“I read her files,” Derek said. “I know the story.”

“Right,” I said, wrapping hands around the straps on my backpack, trying to ease the pressure off my shoulders.

“Why do you need to know all of this again?” Camden asked, a thread of tension in his voice.

“Because I never enter anything until I know everything about the people involved.”

“So you must know everything about Travis,” I said as I nearly stumbled over a rock.

Camden’s arm shot out and steadied me.

“I do,” said Derek.

“Enough to help Javier take over his cartel?” I asked.

“I guess we’ll have to find out,” was his answer. “Javier is all about expansion.”

“I heard my name back there,” Javier voice rang through the darkness, rattling me to the bone. “How about you three pick up the pace a little. Derek, I’m not paying your gringo ass to have conversations and plod along like a bunch of burros. This is Mexico, not Afghanistan, you should know that.”

Derek sucked in his breath sharply but said nothing. I could feel the tension rolling off of him like waves of heat at my back. Apparently Javier got under his skin as well.

Derek stuck the butt of his gun into my lower back, this time on purpose. “Better get a move on.”

We marched on.

Much as you’d imagine, the Honduran jungle is a brutal place to try and get a good night’s rest. We stopped on a plateau of sorts where the trees opened up a bit and the ground was more level. None of us had packed for a camping session and Javier and his men were treating the outing like sleep was a luxury for the benefit of Camden and I. All we had were a few tarps that the men had laid out on the uneven ground and that was it.

“Shouldn’t we be worried about things coming to kill us in the night?” I asked them as we stood around the makeshift sleeping area that was nestled between three trees. Their bark glistened eerily under the glow of my flashlight.

“Are you talking about Travis or something else?” Este asked as he settled onto the ground, his scarred face lit up by his ever-present iPad.

“Well, now I’m talking about both,” I said.

He laughed. “I’ve been watching him through satellite from time to time. His men don’t come out this far. In fact they rarely patrol the area outside of the compound but now, well, if he thinks you’re coming, that might be a different case. Still, we’re good. As long as we stay low, don’t light any fires and refrain from shooting anything,” he gave a pointed glance at Derek, “we should be bueno, hey.”

“And aside from Travis?”

Este exchanged a look with Dom, who tugged at his shirt collar. “There are a few poisonous snakes, spiders … frogs,” he said slowly. “The worst of all are the bullet ants – most powerful sting in the world. Rumor has it that Travis has been using them now as ways of torture. Seems acid no longer cuts it for him.”

“Figures,” Javier muttered under his breath as he sat up against a tree. He gave Camden and I a funny look. “Well are you two going to try and get some sleep or stand there like a bunch of monkeys?”

Fuck you, I thought. But if I said it, I knew what he would say in response and I did not want to go there, not after what had happened between Camden and I.

God, what I would do to get him alone again. The things I wanted to say. Maybe without crying like a fool this time.

“Come on,” Camden said, gently grabbing my wrist for a moment before walking over to the other tree, the one furthest from Javier. He sat down, his back to it, and motioned for me to come sit between his legs.

I could feel Javier’s eyes on me as I walked across the tarp and sat down, Camden’s knees on either side of me. He wrapped his arm around my chest and pulled me close to him, the small of my back pressed against his crotch, the back of my head against his chest, hot, sweaty, breathing steadily. All man, all this very protective man. The warmth and strength of his arms encasing made me feel like I was being wrapped in a cocoon, a security blanket for the night.

“Good night,” he whispered softly into my ear, his lips brushing against my lobe.

I squeezed his forearm in response, so grateful for him, so damn grateful.

“Sleep well, lovebirds,” Javier said, his cynical voice echoing into the night.

I woke up to my arm being tickled.

I opened my eyes and in the grey dimness of the morning light, saw a giant black spider crawling slowly up my arm. I immediately cried out and jumped back, brushing the spider off of me, feeling waves of revulsion and a million little spider legs cover me from head to toe, my body turning it into something more than it was. Like a panic attack, the feeling was impossible to stop and I shook my body vigorously, swatting at nothing.

It was only then that I realized I was completely alone.

The tarps were all gone. Everyone was gone.

Even Camden.

Holy fuck.

The jungle started spinning around me and I saw nothing but madness in the never-ending trees, faces made out of foliage, darkness in the limbs.

What the hell happened?

“Camden?” I cried out. “Camden!”

No, no, no. He couldn’t have left me alone.

I started running around where we had slept until I found my backpack, the contents strewn across the leaf-covered forest floor. Sweat poured down my face, stinging my eyes, as I knelt down and frantically sorted through everything. My other gun was still there, my fake IDs, my passports, everything I didn’t want to leave behind in the Escalade. Whoever raided my stuff had left me everything. Why?

I needed to think. I screamed for Camden again and again, then tried everyone else’s names. I screamed until my throat was sore and I realized that I needed to shut up. If something had happened to everyone, if I was let go or missed for some reason, I was only making things worse, only calling attention to myself.

I branched out in a small radius from our sleeping area, going around the trees and then around the next ring of trees, always keeping my backpack, which I had placed in the middle of the trees, in my sight. Eventually, a yard or two out, I found the tarp. Shredded into bits. Blood on it.

Shit, oh fucking shit.

I dropped to my knees, feeling absolutely powerless. I was alone in the middle of the Honduran jungle, halfway between nowhere and Travis’s compound. I had nobody. Something had happened to them and more than that, Camden, my beautiful Camden, was gone. The last thing I remembered was his arms around me as I fell asleep. How could I have gone from that to this?

I wanted to cry. I wanted to crawl up against the hollow of a tree and close my eyes and let the animals take me away into the night. After so much, after so long, I wanted to give up.